Anonymous
08/12/2023 12:35
Subject: What is this behavior indicative of?
This could be me. I think of it as staging, like firefighters who leave their gear ready to jump into next to the trucks.
I don’t do this for myself as much now that I’m married because there simply isn’t space and I know it’s a little obstructive. I do it for my DD’s lunchbox, backpack and school clothes down to socks and underwear. If my DH is traveling I absolutely go back to this system for myself. It saves me the mental energy of getting ready at the same time as making choices- it’s a way of reducing the executive functioning burden. I still do it if we are all going on a trip and it does add to the chaos because we have our everyday necessities out at the same time as stuff stacked and staged for a week’s trip.
Just be grateful that it’s not still the Mapquest printout days so you don’t have to imagine each of my Mapquest packets on top of the UPS return pile, the tailoring pile, the running race pile, the soccer tournament pile, etc.
I don’t do this for myself as much now that I’m married because there simply isn’t space and I know it’s a little obstructive. I do it for my DD’s lunchbox, backpack and school clothes down to socks and underwear. If my DH is traveling I absolutely go back to this system for myself. It saves me the mental energy of getting ready at the same time as making choices- it’s a way of reducing the executive functioning burden. I still do it if we are all going on a trip and it does add to the chaos because we have our everyday necessities out at the same time as stuff stacked and staged for a week’s trip.
Just be grateful that it’s not still the Mapquest printout days so you don’t have to imagine each of my Mapquest packets on top of the UPS return pile, the tailoring pile, the running race pile, the soccer tournament pile, etc.
Anonymous
08/11/2023 22:01
Subject: What is this behavior indicative of?
I think that some people can only function if they SEE visual clues. Like, they cannot remember to do a project or that a plan has been made or that they are in the middle of fixing the garage door unless they see the outfit or the golf clubs or the tools laying around.
It drives me nuts, I personally like things put away.
It drives me nuts, I personally like things put away.
Anonymous
08/11/2023 21:59
Subject: What is this behavior indicative of?
We set up coping mechanisms for my eight year old for when he’s getting ready for school, going to a sleepover, as a soccer game, etc.
He is 20 years old now. Sometimes He still plans the same way we taught him when he was eight years old, he makes lists, he lays out things, he packs his bag two days in advance, etc.
I think your husband has just found out was work for him so there’s no point in changing it. The fact that he does half of some things and not finishing, I think they could be all of us. It’s definitely me some time, and I’m not ADHD, I don’t think.
He is 20 years old now. Sometimes He still plans the same way we taught him when he was eight years old, he makes lists, he lays out things, he packs his bag two days in advance, etc.
I think your husband has just found out was work for him so there’s no point in changing it. The fact that he does half of some things and not finishing, I think they could be all of us. It’s definitely me some time, and I’m not ADHD, I don’t think.
Anonymous
08/11/2023 21:56
Subject: What is this behavior indicative of?
Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to figure this out. My husband is just hyper-focused on weird things, and I feel like I'd be better able to recognize it for what it is if I knew what it is!
Ex: Sunday morning, he's already laid out his work clothes for Monday morning. If he makes golf plans for Saturday morning, those clothes are laid out when he knows he's golfing.
Same with the cereal bowl being left out, ready for him to eat from, on Sunday morning. Just sitting on the counter all day.
Today, he offered to cook dinner. By 10:30 am, he had laid out the ingredients (other than what needs to stay in the fridge) out on the kitchen counter.
There's more, but the dinner stuff all over the counter reminded me of the other stuff, too.
[b]You might think he's just really detailed-oriented, but he's not. He'll also leave chore-type stuff done 80% of the way there. He'll clean the pot, but not the lid, he'll fix something but leave all the tools out, take the garbage out but not replace the liner, that kind of thing[/b].[b]
But I find the other stuff weird. I get planning, but early Sunday morning you're thinking of what you're going to wear to work the next day? Or to golf? and you need to take a bowl out of the cupboard? To sit out all day Sunday? It does have some effect on me, as he lays his clothes out in our shared bathroom, the stuff is all over the kitchen right now, I always think the bowl is dirty and I go to put it in the dishwasher and he acts like I just killed his cat. Like really over the top reaction.
Is this like an ADHD thing? What could this be indicative of? I think I'm looking for a way to say to myself "ah, that's just his XYZ" instead of the internal talk of "what the @#$%?"
That’s exactly what my DH who has ADD does. Lot of unfinished and incompletely done tasks.
Anonymous
08/11/2023 21:47
Subject: What is this behavior indicative of?
He takes it out so that he doesn’t use it and not have it available when he needs it. Or he has plenty of time to wash it if needed.
Lay out your golf clothes so that you don’t accidentally wear your special golf shirt to work on Friday and then it’s dirty when you need it Sunday.
Set out the cereal bowl so that you don’t use up all of the bowls and not have one for breakfast in the morning.
Set out the stuff you need for dinner so you don’t accidentally snack on a dinner ingredient or you have time to run to the store if you need something.
Lay out your golf clothes so that you don’t accidentally wear your special golf shirt to work on Friday and then it’s dirty when you need it Sunday.
Set out the cereal bowl so that you don’t use up all of the bowls and not have one for breakfast in the morning.
Set out the stuff you need for dinner so you don’t accidentally snack on a dinner ingredient or you have time to run to the store if you need something.
Anonymous
08/11/2023 21:43
Subject: What is this behavior indicative of?
I can think of someone I might be able to explain this. Unfortunately I don't know how to get a ahold of him.
OP, maybe you can ask your DH to read and comment on this post?
OP, maybe you can ask your DH to read and comment on this post?
Anonymous
08/11/2023 21:42
Subject: What is this behavior indicative of?
Sure, it's ADD if you want to label it. But more importantly, is it hurting you? Is it helping him?
Anonymous
08/11/2023 21:34
Subject: What is this behavior indicative of?
I see no problem with this. I take stuff out early too. ex: I take veggies out of the fridge in the morning that I plan to cook for dinner so they ripen and sweeten a bit.
If it bothers you bc of your shared space or it's in front of the toaster or whatever, just tell him instead of resenting him for it. Tell him you understand he likes to take stuff out early, but please don't block other stuff that may be used/needed....or don't put it on your bed...maybe he can just put that hanger of clothes on the end of the closet or something - just together come up with other ideas.
If it bothers you bc of your shared space or it's in front of the toaster or whatever, just tell him instead of resenting him for it. Tell him you understand he likes to take stuff out early, but please don't block other stuff that may be used/needed....or don't put it on your bed...maybe he can just put that hanger of clothes on the end of the closet or something - just together come up with other ideas.
Anonymous
08/11/2023 18:01
Subject: What is this behavior indicative of?
Do the kids or you move stuff around so much that one has to do things way ahead of time because if doing it naturally in the way out things aren’t found where they are supposed to be.
Anonymous
08/11/2023 18:00
Subject: What is this behavior indicative of?
Anonymous wrote:Coming from the perspective of someone who has ADD tendencies and growing up with my dad, who was definitely ADD (but undiagnosed) this seems like a way to frontload against distractions or things that will make you late.
I don't do this, but I get it. Anything important that I need to plan for I run the clock back in my mind so that I will be there or be ready 5 minutes early. And because I know that I am prone to rushing and being late because I somehow "lose" minutes, I will do things ahead of time right when I think of them - like pack my lunch or whatever.
+1
It’s his semi-system to remember things he is usually can’t remember. Unfortunately it sounds like he still only gets around to completing half of it before getting distracted or peetering out.