I yelled “I hate you!” at my then 5 year old daughter when was tantrumming yet again. and she threw a heavy book at me and hit her infant brother who was in my arms. I wish I never said it but I did mean it in that moment. She was just so challenging for so many years (during Covid) when my patience was already thin and I had other children to care for as well

Anonymous wrote:Going through pictures today I found an old screenshot, and I found the worst. It was a text she sent me, and I must have screenshot it to send it to DH.

I was - one time - late to pick her up. Really late. She had a play rehearsal. And it was a different pick up time. I had extra time! Which threw me off and I got doing something and forgot to go.

She called me when it was done. Everybody left. Nobody there, she was alone. It took me 10/15 to get there. Every stop sign and turn was excruciating.

This is not the worst thing I’ve said, but the worst I’ve done. And she wrote terrible things to me in that old text.

So when I saw it today, I deleted it. No one needs to keep that memory.

You were late to get her once from play practice and she sent you a really mean text?!? I think she’s being out of line. Granted my mom is a boomer but I was regularly left at school events past the ending time. I never would have laid into her about it or hell would have been unleashed onto me!

Going through pictures today I found an old screenshot, and I found the worst. It was a text she sent me, and I must have screenshot it to send it to DH.

I was - one time - late to pick her up. Really late. She had a play rehearsal. And it was a different pick up time. I had extra time! Which threw me off and I got doing something and forgot to go.

She called me when it was done. Everybody left. Nobody there, she was alone. It took me 10/15 to get there. Every stop sign and turn was excruciating.

This is not the worst thing I’ve said, but the worst I’ve done. And she wrote terrible things to me in that old text.

So when I saw it today, I deleted it. No one needs to keep that memory.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You immediately said you didn’t mean to say that and apologized right?

These things happen. She won’t remember the occasional thing said in anger. But she will remember in her brain and body if it becomes a pattern of verbal abuse. You now know you are prone to saying abusive things you don’t mean in anger. Time to figure that out and stop it.

Not true. Sorry OP she will remember this for her whole life. I remember my mom saying a few thing like this at low points of her otherwise good parenting

Oh stop.
My parents said a ton of weird sh*t to me and I remember none of it. I def remember them saying weird stuff overall and me being stressed but I woke never ever have remembered a one off.
The only thing I remember that was a one off was my mom nearly spanking me. She didn’t but the idea that she might have was pretty traumatizing
As long as you didn’t hit her I think you are ok!

I remember my dad wanted to set me up on a blind date. I was probably 19. And asked if the guy was ugly and he said “not as ugly as you”. It wasn’t characteristic of him to talk to me like that. I still remember it thirty years later and kind of despise him for that among a number of other reasons. He never apologized. He just list his temper bc I didn’t want to go on the date.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You immediately said you didn’t mean to say that and apologized right?

These things happen. She won’t remember the occasional thing said in anger. But she will remember in her brain and body if it becomes a pattern of verbal abuse. You now know you are prone to saying abusive things you don’t mean in anger. Time to figure that out and stop it.

Not true. Sorry OP she will remember this for her whole life. I remember my mom saying a few thing like this at low points of her otherwise good parenting

You sound connected to the negative.

I said “you are being an f-ing brat.” Then apologized.

I've definitely slipped and said something like "you're so irritating" or something in a moment of frustration. I can't think of specific words that were really bad but I know I've said some not great things.

But I always "repair" when I do this and I think it really works. There are some good scripts online for this, but one I use is "I don't like how I said this, can I try again?" Or I'll go in later and apologize for getting short and make sure she understands that I was frustrated with a behavior, but that I think she's great.

My mom had a really bad temper when I was a kid and said some really awful things to me and to my siblings in front of me that I still remember. But I can't remember her ever apologizing or taking responsibility for losing her cool, and I think that's the difference (at least I hope!). No parent is perfect 100% of the time but I've found a lot of power in having humility as a parent and being willing to say "hey, I messed that up, let me try again." I feel like I have a pretty good relationship with my DD.

Anonymous wrote:To STFU

I tell my 15 year old this more than I care to admit. He will endlessly try to argue and talk over me.

I google image ugly woman and tell her that I'll find her a new mommy online - look at all the mommies who she can live with!

I saw a comedian who is Cuban and joked about how he wasn’t allowed to have a bad day because his mom escaped communism. When he says he had a bad day, she would say “ you had a bad day? Why? Did someone steal your freedom today”. Haha.

We have told one another most of it like "fuk you, fuk off", but he knows I didn't mean it and DC didn't and that we can't continue saying bad words and definitely not in public.
I grew up on farm with pretty bad mouthed parents myself. I can take tough language and so can my kid unfortunately.
Telling him his father had passed was the hardest thing. Wanting to postpone it as long as possible, but he had wondered why he hadn't come or answered the phone for two days. After we told him, he still texted his phone to make sure. Heartbreaking. He was 9.

I told my son that, no, he didn't need to continue driving home to see me because his father just died.

I still kick myself for saying it that way.

I think you’re ok, OP. My mom said things without regret. That’s the difference between a parent who cares but messes and one who is crazy/abusive/just mean. Explain to your child everything you told us and show that you didn’t mean it. Apologies and dedicated time together fix so much!

If it’s any comfort, my mom told me over the years that no one would ever love me, I was ugly, and that I was adopted (I’m not adopted so yeah, it was inappropriate and mean on many levels). None of them were one-sentence slips but rather paragraphs with supporting sentences.

Ha ha! That's hilarious!

Please apologize before bedtime, and explain it was a slip of the tongue, because you were tired.

Aw, OP, good one. You two will be laughing about this in 10 years...