Anonymous wrote: I forgot to mention this in my original post but one of the girls who was bullying her almost got expelled (for something unrelated) and is switching schools to our zoned school. It is a large public school, and my daughter already has friends at this school because she used to go to public, but would this give you pause?

No. You said it’s large school and your daughter had friends from K-6. It sounds like a better fit. Did you switch her to the private for middle school, in 7-8? Those are rough years anywhere. I would definitely choose a large public over a small k-12. Don’t believe all of the rumors.

"She is at a small K-12 private."
This is entirely the problem

Definitely don't pull her out of lunch at the beginning. New friend groups will surely be forming then and she will miss out on that opportunity if you do this. Give her a chance to make friends with the new girls. My kid is coming into 9th grade at a new private knowing no one, and I'm sure she's a little nervous about lunch the first day, but you have to let them work this out for themselves.

This kid should have switched schools this summer.

I forgot to mention this in my original post but one of the girls who was bullying her almost got expelled (for something unrelated) and is switching schools to our zoned school. It is a large public school, and my daughter already has friends at this school because she used to go to public, but would this give you pause?

Stop paying for her to go to school that enables and protects bullies. It's time to move her somewhere else. Also, just an FYI, all schools private or public have a drug problem.

No. And change schools. Sounds terribly toxic. How is your home public school?

Yes, I would pick her up. Give her a break from a stressful day.

But also: switch schools.

A small k-12 is not worth it in this situation. Great if your younger kid loves it, but sounds like the older one has continued struggles with this small, insular group. Help her expand and find her place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. And I was a kid who ate lunch in the bathroom before I made a new friend group. She needs to learn to navigate this. It is a life skill.

I agree this it’s important for her to navigate this on her own, with you providing her a safe place to land at home. But I am so very sorry that she is going through this. It’s obviously hard in her and so painful for you to witness. I hope that this is a better year. Hugs to you both.

I’m the PP and I agree! It’s wonderful you are her safe space. My mother didn’t even know what was going on with me, I wasn’t comfortable letting her know because she was too preoccupied with her own stuff to care. This would have been a NBD nothing burger to her. Kudos to you for being a warm and inviting place for your daughter to feel safe.

Anonymous wrote:No. And I was a kid who ate lunch in the bathroom before I made a new friend group. She needs to learn to navigate this. It is a life skill.

I agree this it’s important for her to navigate this on her own, with you providing her a safe place to land at home. But I am so very sorry that she is going through this. It’s obviously hard in her and so painful for you to witness. I hope that this is a better year. Hugs to you both.

No. And I was a kid who ate lunch in the bathroom before I made a new friend group. She needs to learn to navigate this. It is a life skill.

OP here- I really am at my wit's end with all of this. I want her to give the private a try, and if things don't work out, I will have to send her to either our zoned public school, get a transfer, or consider charter/magnets. To those who asked, yes, she does have friends outside of school due to the fact that she attended public school from grades K-6, and she also has friends from an extracurricular as well as church.

Uhh sorry op. If she's in the advanced classes- she will be less impacted by some of the behavior issues at a public school.

It sounds like the private school is toxic- If you continue to send her there ..I would probably send her with a new look (shallow...but it may cause kids to react differently to her), outside counseling to help her manage the toxic girls, a plan to hang in the library during lunch, and demand for more involvement from staff to address the bullying

Can she try out for a fall sport or join a fall club? That the other girls are not in? That can help a lot too. It's important she make some friends outside of school, too, so that school is not the be-all,end-all of her social life.

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn't.

What I might do is ask guidance or admissions if there is some kind of role welcoming new kids she could take that might lead to her sitting with them.

This could really help, OP.

I switched my kid out of private because the private we could afford was so small, and these types of social problems became HUGE problems. My kid goes to a lower- to middle- income school now, and while it has its problems, it has been better socially for my kid. He has a mix of higher level classes and on-grade classes. Far fewer issues in the higher-level classes, FWIW.