Anonymous wrote:WTH?! can’t imagine being afraid to ask my DS the date he’s supposed to move in to his dorm. Makes me wonder if he’s even ready for college if he can’t be an adult and provide his parents with necessary information. That would not fly in my house at all.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Mine rebukes any conversation/offer about getting stuff for the year or the dorm - they leave in a week. Hasn't even let us know about move in window (which we know from school has been assigned but we didn't ask based on other reactions).
Needs essentially everything. I bought sheets but otherwise staying out of it - should be interesting!
I would be really worried. He could just be taking a minimalist approach to packing, which is very smart, or he could have a little mild separation anxiety, but he could also be seriously depressed or just not want to go to college.
Chances are you can still get the tuition money back.
If you have a lot of money, let nature take its course.
If you’re not rich, find the school’s full, partial and medical withdrawal deadlines. I’d tell your son that it’s fine if he takes a minimalist approach to packing, but that college is too expensive for you to gamble on whether he’s going to try to do well in college.
Ask him whether he actually wants to go to college.
If not, talk to him about his plans for doing something else. Tell him about whatever limits there will be on your support.
If he does want to go, ask him for some sign you can use before the various refund deadlines to know that he’s reasonably on track and that it’s worth letting the college keep the tuition money. But be practical. If he tries engineering and can’t cut it, make it clear that you’ll pay for him to major in something he can handle, and that he should use jobs and activities to prepare for work, rather than his major. And, if possible, try to get him into a telecounseling program. See if there’s a way to pay a tutor to support him, help him stay organized and talk to you if something is seriously wrong.
If he just isn’t responsive or isn’t realistic when he responds, tell him that you’re going to proceed as if he has serious health problems and try to arrange for a health-related enrollment referral.
In that case, start by taking him to the doctor for a really good checkup, and look for things like thyroid problems, long COVID and major depression, then ask professionals for their advice.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.
There is more, most optional, but some items make your time in the dorm more pleasant, like, a fan. And a shower caddy to carry your stuff to the bathroom. And a pillow. And an inexpensive mattress topper (we called them eggshells) so you aren’t just sleeping on a 2” plastic mattress. My kids and I both are not into “extras” and I was surprised at how much we packed/bought for our older when he went to college.
All available on Amazon if he really he wants those things when he gets there.
But why wouldn’t you get them before? Seriously: sheets, pillows, laundry detergent, shower caddy, toiletries — all really important from day 1. Not something you wait and order a few weeks in.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.
There is more, most optional, but some items make your time in the dorm more pleasant, like, a fan. And a shower caddy to carry your stuff to the bathroom. And a pillow. And an inexpensive mattress topper (we called them eggshells) so you aren’t just sleeping on a 2” plastic mattress. My kids and I both are not into “extras” and I was surprised at how much we packed/bought for our older when he went to college.
All available on Amazon if he really he wants those things when he gets there.
But why wouldn’t you get them before? Seriously: sheets, pillows, laundry detergent, shower caddy, toiletries — all really important from day 1. Not something you wait and order a few weeks in.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.
There is more, most optional, but some items make your time in the dorm more pleasant, like, a fan. And a shower caddy to carry your stuff to the bathroom. And a pillow. And an inexpensive mattress topper (we called them eggshells) so you aren’t just sleeping on a 2” plastic mattress. My kids and I both are not into “extras” and I was surprised at how much we packed/bought for our older when he went to college.
All available on Amazon if he really he wants those things when he gets there.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.
There is more, most optional, but some items make your time in the dorm more pleasant, like, a fan. And a shower caddy to carry your stuff to the bathroom. And a pillow. And an inexpensive mattress topper (we called them eggshells) so you aren’t just sleeping on a 2” plastic mattress. My kids and I both are not into “extras” and I was surprised at how much we packed/bought for our older when he went to college.
Anonymous wrote:It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Mine rebukes any conversation/offer about getting stuff for the year or the dorm - they leave in a week. Hasn't even let us know about move in window (which we know from school has been assigned but we didn't ask based on other reactions).
Needs essentially everything. I bought sheets but otherwise staying out of it - should be interesting!
I would be really worried. He could just be taking a minimalist approach to packing, which is very smart, or he could have a little mild separation anxiety, but he could also be seriously depressed or just not want to go to college.
Chances are you can still get the tuition money back.
If you have a lot of money, let nature take its course.
If you’re not rich, find the school’s full, partial and medical withdrawal deadlines. I’d tell your son that it’s fine if he takes a minimalist approach to packing, but that college is too expensive for you to gamble on whether he’s going to try to do well in college.
Ask him whether he actually wants to go to college.
If not, talk to him about his plans for doing something else. Tell him about whatever limits there will be on your support.
If he does want to go, ask him for some sign you can use before the various refund deadlines to know that he’s reasonably on track and that it’s worth letting the college keep the tuition money. But be practical. If he tries engineering and can’t cut it, make it clear that you’ll pay for him to major in something he can handle, and that he should use jobs and activities to prepare for work, rather than his major. And, if possible, try to get him into a telecounseling program. See if there’s a way to pay a tutor to support him, help him stay organized and talk to you if something is seriously wrong.
If he just isn’t responsive or isn’t realistic when he responds, tell him that you’re going to proceed as if he has serious health problems and try to arrange for a health-related enrollment referral.
In that case, start by taking him to the doctor for a really good checkup, and look for things like thyroid problems, long COVID and major depression, then ask professionals for their advice.