They probably want to limit their time with their sourpuss DIL and the out-of-control children.

Anonymous wrote:driving with dimming senses, slower reaction times, and weakening bladder/bowels isn't the same as driving with 2 kids.

+1
you are the one in the wrong here OP

I hate road trips too but 5 hrs that turned into 8??? Come on. You can do better than that. Only stop for a short bathroom break. You shouldn’t even need to stop for gas on a 5 hr trip. Unless your kid is newly potty trained or has some kind of emergency, you should be able to make this trip w just 1 bathroom break.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clear - its a 5 hour drive that takes us 8 hours because we have to stop frequently with the kids. My medical special needs kids forgot an essential medical device, baby needs to be changed, someone needs to pee.

My toddler doesn't like driving in the car so even with an iPad it's a very long drive.

My in laws don't have arthritis and have no problem driving 8+ hours to their favorite vacation spot.

It's this one for me. We have the same issue, not sure what the answer is.

My ILs are not quite this bad but have you considered meeting somewhere accessible by plane? We go to them occasionally and they come to us occasionally ( considerably less often!) but if they like to vacation it’s a nice way to see them without the drive or spending all your time off in a suburb. We rent big beach houses near Jacksonville, Hilton Head and are looking at others. I am hoping to do this as long as possible

It just means that their desire (to see you) and their priorities (to spend their long drive energy doing things other than seeing you) are misaligned. Which is fine - you just need to react to their priorities/actions and not their desires.

My parents are similar. When I talk to them, they REALLY want to see me and my kids. But their plans are to be unavailable/out of the country for all but 10 days in the next 3 months. And my schedule doesn't work to get together during the 10-day window.

So, I just have to accept that because they haven't prioritized in line with their stated desire, I can't do anything to address the desire.

Anonymous wrote:8 hours is too long to drive for most older folks. Heck, I don't think I could drive 8 hours, and I'm in my 50s.

Fwiw, my parents live a 2.5-hour drive away, not 5-8, and it's too long for them to drive, even though they drive 2.5-hours to their beach house. They say they can't deal with the highway/95 or unfamiliar backroads. They could take the train, but they don't do that either. It is what it is. They came down when my oldest was born. She's a tween now.

8 hours is too long for a 50 year old? What?

It’s more convenient for them if you drive. Whatever. Drop the rope. I woukd let them know they are welcome to visit and repeat as needed.

I completely understand. We live 3 hours from my husband's family while everyone else lives within 20 minutes driving distance....
We constantly get guilted into attending family reunions and other family functions where they can just pop over and enjoy the function and then head home..... We have to pack an entire car, get a pet sitter and drive 6 hours round trip..... No one seems to understand that the reason we leave a bit early before the event ends is we don't want to drive from 9:00 p.m. until midnight with kids. If we invite them down for anything at our house, yes they agree. It's too far for a day trip.... Which I get, but they seem to forget that every time we're expected to go up there for some new family event

This is your out to stop doing it!

You should agree with them: “You’re right MIL, it’s too far to drive!”

DONE!

Find a nice AirBnb or hotel to stay and meet in the middle, for a weekend. They drive half the distance. You drive half the distance. Also DH discusses with them - he'd really like any inheritance in the form of: airfare to visit them, airfare they spend to visit you. An occasional trip where family meets somewhere else.

At 60-70 yrs old, road trips that DH and I use to drive in 1 day, we now take 3 days.

Anonymous wrote:It’s too far. I hate driving and my kids are teenagers. But I hate it even if they aren’t with me. This is why I don’t make the drive to go see family 8 hours away. They don’t come here either. All of us seemed to stop several years ago. don’t be angry and stop going if you don’t want to drive but don’t be angry with them for saying they aren’t doing it.

+1

OK? I guess that means you’ll see them less often. Tell them, “You’re welcome to visit us. We agree it’s a big drive—we can only do it once a year. Let us know if you reevaluate. After all, it’s a shorter drive than when you go to Vacation Spot.”

8 hours is too long to drive for most older folks. Heck, I don't think I could drive 8 hours, and I'm in my 50s.

Fwiw, my parents live a 2.5-hour drive away, not 5-8, and it's too long for them to drive, even though they drive 2.5-hours to their beach house. They say they can't deal with the highway/95 or unfamiliar backroads. They could take the train, but they don't do that either. It is what it is. They came down when my oldest was born. She's a tween now.

Anonymous wrote:To be clear - its a 5 hour drive that takes us 8 hours because we have to stop frequently with the kids. My medical special needs kids forgot an essential medical device, baby needs to be changed, someone needs to pee.

My toddler doesn't like driving in the car so even with an iPad it's a very long drive.

My in laws don't have arthritis and have no problem driving 8+ hours to their favorite vacation spot.

Why didn’t you and DH confirm that your medical, SN child had the medical device?! You can teach personal responsibility, but you abs DH should verify to make sure you have a medical device! Seriously…

Anonymous wrote:It’s too far. I hate driving and my kids are teenagers. But I hate it even if they aren’t with me. This is why I don’t make the drive to go see family 8 hours away. They don’t come here either. All of us seemed to stop several years ago. don’t be angry and stop going if you don’t want to drive but don’t be angry with them for saying they aren’t doing it.

Yeah right. Like that's gonna happen between DCUM DIL and MIL/FIL.

It’s too far. I hate driving and my kids are teenagers. But I hate it even if they aren’t with me. This is why I don’t make the drive to go see family 8 hours away. They don’t come here either. All of us seemed to stop several years ago. don’t be angry and stop going if you don’t want to drive but don’t be angry with them for saying they aren’t doing it.