Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 09:05     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
Anonymous wrote:Why can’t your husband manage one kid on his own?


This
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 09:02     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.


Sorry OP - you have a MIL unwilling to help. Shore up your own crew to help, you will be thankful - and they will become better than IL family. If you have a MIL like mine, you would only be subjected to her mean snark, anyway - not worth it.
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 08:52     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?


This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)


You could have been much more specific in your OP if pickup is the problem. See if you can do drop in after care for the week, have dc go home with a friend after school, or hire an after school sitter. Your MIL doesn’t need to drop everything to play chauffeur for a few days.
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 08:23     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?


This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 08:15     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
So your kid is old enough to fly alone but young enough dad can't manage him for a week? You've picked yourself a real winner
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 08:03     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
But = buy
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 08:03     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
But a direct flight and send your child unaccompanied. I used to travel overseas all by myself since I was 5. Your child was have a big badge ( unaccompanied minor) and will be with a stewardess and delivered to the person who is at the airport for pick up.
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 08:01     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
Why is your husband incompetent?
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 07:57     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
Anonymous wrote:If your dc is young enough that your dh needs help when you’re gone, your dc is not old enough to fly alone to a grandparent who they don’t know so well.

Just find a local babysitter to help out when you’re gone.


+1. I had this same exact thought.
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 07:45     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
Anonymous wrote:Why can’t your husband manage one kid on his own?


Seriously. Inept much? It would be one thing if he framed it as a good opportunity for her to visit. But “Mommy, help, I have to care for my own kid”? WTF.

If he needs help, he can hire a babysitter. You know, and pay for the labor?

At any rate, whatever OP, stay out of it.
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 07:13     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
We do it this way with my mom (she lives in Oregon) starting when DD was 7. 10 days every year. It’s been absolutely wonderful and DD loves Oregon now.
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 07:03     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just because she is single and retired doesn’t mean she has no real commitments. She offered a solution.

What kind of help does your DH need while you are away?

+1
I don't get why OP is making this so personal. MIL said she can't come out for a week because she has other commitments. She offered a solution. OP doesn't like it. Fine. Figure out something else. I don't understand why her husband can't take care of their kid for a week, but if he can't, fund another solution.


Plus 2
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 07:02     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 07:02     Subject: Re:MIL will only help at her own home
Anonymous wrote:I totally do understand (we have had nearly zero help from any of the grandparents) but MIL is not obligated to help at all. It makes sense that she would feel more comfortable in her own home, since she isn’t that familiar with your home/area. I’d consider the offer if you feel DC is old enough to handle this arrangement.


Plus 1
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2023 06:59     Subject: MIL will only help at her own home
Anonymous wrote:Just because she is single and retired doesn’t mean she has no real commitments. She offered a solution.

What kind of help does your DH need while you are away?

+1
I don't get why OP is making this so personal. MIL said she can't come out for a week because she has other commitments. She offered a solution. OP doesn't like it. Fine. Figure out something else. I don't understand why her husband can't take care of their kid for a week, but if he can't, fund another solution.