Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I am kind of dreading the free events and no ticket required scene. I also think he would feel emasculated if I started paying for nicer dates. Don’t mind buying tickets or dinner now and then but always living the life of free/cheap/public is going to get old really fast I think. Which is a pity, bc I like him, but already foreseeing that crappy vacations, appreciating nature bc we have to, and not great music could start dividing us. Sigh.

I am in the same boat, and really hesitated on being anything other than casual with him. HOWEVER, I now realize, some months later, that he is an incredible human being, and that is worth more than going out to eat at an expensive restaurant. I do that with other friends if I really feel the need to.

I made it work for a year and it was fun but ultimately I want to do things with a partner where we can both pay our own way.

Less is fine. I make more than DH, and have for as long as we've known each other. But if he doesn't make enough to be self-supporting, that is not workable. If you think he cannot afford any kind of date other than free, this is not a reasonable long-term prospect.

It's more likely that you are being dramatic to make yourself feel important, though.

Anonymous wrote:I think it would bother me to downgrade my lifestyle to accommodate the chip on a man's shoulder.

And you’re a money hungry Ho

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor guy. Set him free so someone without dumb financial hangups can snag him.

Viable retirement and health care as you get older, paying for housing and kids' education are not "dumb financial hangups." Life is expensive and getting more so all the time. Lack of money causes stress that money can solve. Wealthy people live longer and better than less wealthy people. All other things being equal, which they never are, it's better to have someone at or close to your level at least. What would happen if the only earner became disabled?

OP only said he makes “less than.” He still may make a respectable salary. Also, making less doesn’t exclude you from retirement, health care, etc. We’re a 2-teacher household and we’re doing very well financially. My life may not even be that different than OP’s.

Plus, OP’s concerns posted are considerably more superficial than what’s posted above.

Anonymous wrote:Poor guy. Set him free so someone without dumb financial hangups can snag him.

Viable retirement and health care as you get older, paying for housing and kids' education are not "dumb financial hangups." Life is expensive and getting more so all the time. Lack of money causes stress that money can solve. Wealthy people live longer and better than less wealthy people. All other things being equal, which they never are, it's better to have someone at or close to your level at least. What would happen if the only earner became disabled?

Poor guy. Set him free so someone without dumb financial hangups can snag him.

Anonymous wrote:I think it would bother me to downgrade my lifestyle to accommodate the chip on a man's shoulder.

Except there’s no evidence that chip exists. All we have is OP saying she thinks it would bother him.

OP, many of us like nature because we WANT to be in nature, not because we have to. Many of us don’t think we need money to appreciate music. Your original post reads as a bit disconnected from many people’s reality. Perhaps you could use this as an opportunity to expand your own world view. Or not, in which case let this man find somebody who will appreciate him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get people like OP. Kinda disgusting.

-guy

It's not disgusting to enjoy a certain standard of living and want to maintain it.

She wants someone else to maintain it.

You are misreading.

Anonymous wrote:OP--life is too short for this nonsense. You can have an opinion on the lifestyle that you want. You can afford the lifestyle you want. There will be other people who will either earn in a similar ballpark to you or allow you to pay and not feel emasculated.

I won't date men that don't earn in my ballpark. I own it. I don't want to be supported and I don't want to do the supporting. I want an equal financial partner.

And you have to recognize that no matter how "I'll never stay at home" you feel while childless, you really cannot predict what will actually happen when a baby comes along. It can change people in ways they never would have predicted. So, it is also great as a couple to have the financial flexibility to actually have a choice if that time comes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get people like OP. Kinda disgusting.

-guy

It's not disgusting to enjoy a certain standard of living and want to maintain it.

She wants someone else to maintain it.

OP--life is too short for this nonsense. You can have an opinion on the lifestyle that you want. You can afford the lifestyle you want. There will be other people who will either earn in a similar ballpark to you or allow you to pay and not feel emasculated.

I won't date men that don't earn in my ballpark. I own it. I don't want to be supported and I don't want to do the supporting. I want an equal financial partner.

Anonymous wrote:I think it would bother me to downgrade my lifestyle to accommodate the chip on a man's shoulder.

+1000

It would be different if he didn't have a problem with it.

Anonymous wrote:And I am kind of dreading the free events and no ticket required scene. I also think he would feel emasculated if I started paying for nicer dates. Don’t mind buying tickets or dinner now and then but always living the life of free/cheap/public is going to get old really fast I think. Which is a pity, bc I like him, but already foreseeing that crappy vacations, appreciating nature bc we have to, and not great music could start dividing us. Sigh.

You can't have it all. If you must then why are you wasting his time.

I think it would bother me to downgrade my lifestyle to accommodate the chip on a man's shoulder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get people like OP. Kinda disgusting.

-guy

It's not disgusting to enjoy a certain standard of living and want to maintain it.

Then go separate ways. Problem solved.