Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 16:50     Subject: Poorly behaved houseguests
If the kid is that hard the parents are strung out, exhausted. That’s why they’re ignoring him.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 16:31     Subject: Poorly behaved houseguests
Anonymous wrote:We have vacationed with relatives who practice "gentle parenting" and don't believe you should say no to their child, so will correct us when we correct the child for - biting, going in the pool w/out a life jacket when they can't swim, throwing food at the table, throwing sand in everyone's eyes, having to watch the same movie upwards of 20 times in one beach week on the one tv, etc.. Interestingly they are very free with the commentary on what my kids can do to improve their behavior. The child is in preschool and away from the parents listens quite well, but if they are around is a terror


Our gentle parenting visitors just left. NEVER. AGAIN.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 16:21     Subject: Poorly behaved houseguests
Anonymous wrote:You know how you're instructed to point to and say the name of a specific person when asking them to call 911, instead of just saying "Someone call 911"? That's the approach here.

"David, would you please ensure that Timmy doesn't jump on our furniture?"

"Jessica, would you please make sure Timmy eats at the table, and doesn't bring food into the living room?"

Stop addressing the kid's behavior, and start addressing the parents' behavior--bring it up again and again and maybe they'll either take more initiative, or will get sick of not being able to kick back and will leave blessedly sooner.

This x100
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 16:19     Subject: Poorly behaved houseguests
We have vacationed with relatives who practice "gentle parenting" and don't believe you should say no to their child, so will correct us when we correct the child for - biting, going in the pool w/out a life jacket when they can't swim, throwing food at the table, throwing sand in everyone's eyes, having to watch the same movie upwards of 20 times in one beach week on the one tv, etc.. Interestingly they are very free with the commentary on what my kids can do to improve their behavior. The child is in preschool and away from the parents listens quite well, but if they are around is a terror
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 16:08     Subject: Re:Poorly behaved houseguests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe all these replies. Presumably you allowed them to visit and stay with you? They didn't just shop up? Seriously, just nicely ask the kid to change the behavior if it's really bad. Tell him the rules and ask him to comply. Do it nicely and get over it. It's a few days and these people are obviously part of your life. Just be courteous and patient for a few days. I would never ever behave the way some posters are suggesting. If you do or say those things to those parents, particularly suggesting they leave because of their kid's behavior, that relationship will be over forever. I would guess the guests are your really your spouse's and you're looking to judge, though, too, right?


You do realize that...OP has already tried this approach, yes? And it hasn't work.

So now it's time to try another tactic, right? That's what we are suggesting.

And no, it's actually not being courteous to teach this kid and his parents that they can roll up and act like this in someone's home, to the point of being destructive and disruptive. You're the type who confuses "being courteous" with "being a doormat." Those are two different things.


I know it very well. I also know how not to walk around with a stick in my...


All evidence to the contrary. Or, as you so inelegantly put it, "Bullsh*t, bullsh*t"

Stay classy.


I'm the PP and not the one who posted that. As I said in my just previous post, there are several who think you all need to learn to chill.


Please do let us know how asking parents to stop their child from jumping on furniture or doing other destructive and disruptive things in one’s home is hysterical or over-the-top. No one is suggesting kicking anyone out, no one is suggesting yelling at the kid or the parents, no one is suggesting spanking the kid. Opening your mouth and talking to a kid’s parents is, in fact, a pretty “chill” way to stop a kid bouncing on your furniture.[/quote

There's just a way to do it without sounding like an uptight, formal priss. When the kid is doing something wrong, just say, "yo Billy, off the furniture dude." Then redirect and maybe offer something for the kid to do. The kid is probably bored silly as are the parents. Ask him to help you pull some snacks together. Be interesting and fun. That way they kid won't be so bored at your house and driving you crazy. Again, loosen up and be cool.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 15:12     Subject: Re:Poorly behaved houseguests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe all these replies. Presumably you allowed them to visit and stay with you? They didn't just shop up? Seriously, just nicely ask the kid to change the behavior if it's really bad. Tell him the rules and ask him to comply. Do it nicely and get over it. It's a few days and these people are obviously part of your life. Just be courteous and patient for a few days. I would never ever behave the way some posters are suggesting. If you do or say those things to those parents, particularly suggesting they leave because of their kid's behavior, that relationship will be over forever. I would guess the guests are your really your spouse's and you're looking to judge, though, too, right?


You do realize that...OP has already tried this approach, yes? And it hasn't work.

So now it's time to try another tactic, right? That's what we are suggesting.

And no, it's actually not being courteous to teach this kid and his parents that they can roll up and act like this in someone's home, to the point of being destructive and disruptive. You're the type who confuses "being courteous" with "being a doormat." Those are two different things.


I know it very well. I also know how not to walk around with a stick in my...


All evidence to the contrary. Or, as you so inelegantly put it, "Bullsh*t, bullsh*t"

Stay classy.


I'm the PP and not the one who posted that. As I said in my just previous post, there are several who think you all need to learn to chill.


Please do let us know how asking parents to stop their child from jumping on furniture or doing other destructive and disruptive things in one’s home is hysterical or over-the-top. No one is suggesting kicking anyone out, no one is suggesting yelling at the kid or the parents, no one is suggesting spanking the kid. Opening your mouth and talking to a kid’s parents is, in fact, a pretty “chill” way to stop a kid bouncing on your furniture.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 14:12     Subject: Poorly behaved houseguests
With age I have gotten better at being assertive. You need to unapolygetic. Just remind your guests you have rules in your house and you expect parents to enforce them with their own kids. These include...no jumping on furniture, food stays in the kitchen and is not to be wiped on the sofa, hands are not for hitting. If they cannot enforce these rules I would say "I notice Little Lionel is jumping on our sofa right in front of you. Why are you not asking him to stop?" If you are afraid this will set off a family feud and believe me I have relatives where it would, then you need to be secure enough to decide "F it." We had a sofa destroyed pretty easily. They are not made like they used to. Our friends all respect boundaries and most and our family do. Those who don't are not invited.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 13:56     Subject: Re:Poorly behaved houseguests
OP still hasn't said who the guests are and since this is in the Family relationships forum, I am sure it is inlaws. Regardless, OP, it's family. Suck it up and be nice and let go of your rules for a few days. It won't kill you.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 13:54     Subject: Poorly behaved houseguests
Speak your words to them Op
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 13:32     Subject: Poorly behaved houseguests
Anonymous wrote:Being a gracious host means you just suck it up to a large extent. You don’t have to invite them back again.


Maybe, but I would repeatedly ask the parents to address until they got the message.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 12:57     Subject: Re:Poorly behaved houseguests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe all these replies. Presumably you allowed them to visit and stay with you? They didn't just shop up? Seriously, just nicely ask the kid to change the behavior if it's really bad. Tell him the rules and ask him to comply. Do it nicely and get over it. It's a few days and these people are obviously part of your life. Just be courteous and patient for a few days. I would never ever behave the way some posters are suggesting. If you do or say those things to those parents, particularly suggesting they leave because of their kid's behavior, that relationship will be over forever. I would guess the guests are your really your spouse's and you're looking to judge, though, too, right?


You do realize that...OP has already tried this approach, yes? And it hasn't work.

So now it's time to try another tactic, right? That's what we are suggesting.

And no, it's actually not being courteous to teach this kid and his parents that they can roll up and act like this in someone's home, to the point of being destructive and disruptive. You're the type who confuses "being courteous" with "being a doormat." Those are two different things.


I know it very well. I also know how not to walk around with a stick in my...


All evidence to the contrary. Or, as you so inelegantly put it, "Bullsh*t, bullsh*t"

Stay classy.


I'm the PP and not the one who posted that. As I said in my just previous post, there are several who think you all need to learn to chill.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 12:55     Subject: Re:Poorly behaved houseguests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe all these replies. Presumably you allowed them to visit and stay with you? They didn't just shop up? Seriously, just nicely ask the kid to change the behavior if it's really bad. Tell him the rules and ask him to comply. Do it nicely and get over it. It's a few days and these people are obviously part of your life. Just be courteous and patient for a few days. I would never ever behave the way some posters are suggesting. If you do or say those things to those parents, particularly suggesting they leave because of their kid's behavior, that relationship will be over forever. I would guess the guests are your really your spouse's and you're looking to judge, though, too, right?


You do realize that...OP has already tried this approach, yes? And it hasn't work.

So now it's time to try another tactic, right? That's what we are suggesting.

And no, it's actually not being courteous to teach this kid and his parents that they can roll up and act like this in someone's home, to the point of being destructive and disruptive. You're the type who confuses "being courteous" with "being a doormat." Those are two different things.


I know it very well. I also know how not to walk around with a stick in my...


All evidence to the contrary. Or, as you so inelegantly put it, "Bullsh*t, bullsh*t"

Stay classy.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 12:54     Subject: Poorly behaved houseguests
We have a situation like this. I reserve my concerns to the most egregious stuff that impacts my immediate family. So, if no one cares that Terror Toddler is hitting my MIL, I say nothing. If she hits me or my kid, I tell Terror Toddler to stop. In my case, Terror Toddler is reasonably responsive to me. I think she is totally shocked that anyone is actually saying anything to her. We also limited time with that family. Luckily, they live close enough to never spend the night.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 12:53     Subject: Re:Poorly behaved houseguests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe all these replies. Presumably you allowed them to visit and stay with you? They didn't just shop up? Seriously, just nicely ask the kid to change the behavior if it's really bad. Tell him the rules and ask him to comply. Do it nicely and get over it. It's a few days and these people are obviously part of your life. Just be courteous and patient for a few days. I would never ever behave the way some posters are suggesting. If you do or say those things to those parents, particularly suggesting they leave because of their kid's behavior, that relationship will be over forever. I would guess the guests are your really your spouse's and you're looking to judge, though, too, right?


You do realize that...OP has already tried this approach, yes? And it hasn't work.

So now it's time to try another tactic, right? That's what we are suggesting.

And no, it's actually not being courteous to teach this kid and his parents that they can roll up and act like this in someone's home, to the point of being destructive and disruptive. You're the type who confuses "being courteous" with "being a doormat." Those are two different things.


I know it very well. I also know how not to walk around with a stick in my...
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 12:47     Subject: Poorly behaved houseguests
I once had hellions kids like this visit my house. Halfway through the visit I got large sheets and draped them over the furniture to help protect the upholstery.