Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t be pinpointed?? Imagine if your mom took care of him and then died at the end of the school year. You’d expect this exact reaction- clingy, emotional, accidents. That’s essentially what happened to him. I think your reaction was way off base. He needs love and time and probably distraction.

But this was not his Grandmother. This was not family.

Since he turned 4 he was in full time preschool and Kindergarten and spent maybe 25 hours a week with her tops. Mornings and afternoons and some weekends so he was already transitioning away from her anyways.

A 5-6 yo does not have your understanding of what constitutes family. She was there every day (maybe for his whole life?) and now a critical witness to a lot of the relatively few conscious memories he has of life (and a major stabilizing force in many things he could not consciously record) is gone.

That's not an unrecoverable situation, but it's a BFD to a 6 yo and expecting him to act like it isn't is way out of line. Slow down. Give this kid a lot more special time with you and don't take him away from his friends, jeez.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t be pinpointed?? Imagine if your mom took care of him and then died at the end of the school year. You’d expect this exact reaction- clingy, emotional, accidents. That’s essentially what happened to him. I think your reaction was way off base. He needs love and time and probably distraction.

But this was not his Grandmother. This was not family.

Since he turned 4 he was in full time preschool and Kindergarten and spent maybe 25 hours a week with her tops. Mornings and afternoons and some weekends so he was already transitioning away from her anyways.

25 hours a week is a LOT! How much time did he spend with you before you pulled him out of everything?

If this is anxiety, you’re feeding it by reinforcing that he can’t handle scary things - at all or without you. Instead, empathize with his feelings and support him in learning how to work through his fears to do normal, healthy, age appropriate activities.

What’s your plan for when school starts in a few weeks?

OP— respectfully, your answers seem to suggest that you are being dismissive of your son’s attachment to your former nanny. In fact, your son is acting just the way grief makes a person of that age act.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid gets super attached to caregivers and really moody after transitions away from them. I would put him back in activities and reinforce that people come in and out of our lives but he is always loved. Can he FaceTime or write to the nanny?

We cut out the FaceTimes because it was causing too much drama.

Seems cut and dry is the best approach. Too emotional.

Emotions aren’t things to be feared, OP, even big ones. That teaches avoidance rather than handling big, tough emotions. And your nanny was probably more important to DC than most family, so you seem to be discounting her role in his life.

Anonymous wrote:My kid gets super attached to caregivers and really moody after transitions away from them. I would put him back in activities and reinforce that people come in and out of our lives but he is always loved. Can he FaceTime or write to the nanny?

We cut out the FaceTimes because it was causing too much drama.

Seems cut and dry is the best approach. Too emotional.

Anonymous wrote:Get him checked for sleep apnea. I had a bright, happy, social kid who suddenly had behavior problems, academic regression, problems regulating emotions, and bed wetting. Also referred to a psychiatrist when labs came back normal. Diagnosis was first adjustment disorder and then depression. I took child to a sleep specialist and had a sleep study. Came back with moderate sleep apnea. Child had tonsils and adenoids removed and all symptoms resolved within 4-6 months.

Thank you! Will do!

Anonymous wrote:Put him back in activities!!!!

He starts school in a few weeks and will be very busy. Hopefully things improve then.

Anonymous wrote:Your child seems sad so you pulled him out of all fun activities? What in the what?

We wanted to keep an eye on him. He’s still in soccer we just decided to not do day camp so he could spend more time with us.

Anonymous wrote:Can’t be pinpointed?? Imagine if your mom took care of him and then died at the end of the school year. You’d expect this exact reaction- clingy, emotional, accidents. That’s essentially what happened to him. I think your reaction was way off base. He needs love and time and probably distraction.

But this was not his Grandmother. This was not family.

Since he turned 4 he was in full time preschool and Kindergarten and spent maybe 25 hours a week with her tops. Mornings and afternoons and some weekends so he was already transitioning away from her anyways.

I'm a psychologist, and if you called me for a consult I would consider the following: 1) adjustment to nanny leaving/summer changes/ the realization that little sis is 1 now and she is clearly not just going away 2) anxiety (but usually they complain of headaches/tummy aches etc-- not always but often) or 3) depression. Dep and anx share similar genes so if dep is a problem in your family anx is also at increased risk. I'd consider re-establishing structure while still taking steps to have some extra focused 1:1 time as a start.

My kid gets super attached to caregivers and really moody after transitions away from them. I would put him back in activities and reinforce that people come in and out of our lives but he is always loved. Can he FaceTime or write to the nanny?

. In the past year he has had a new sibling, a new house, and his nanny left. These are huge changes! 5-6 is also a huge developmental leap. Sorry if I missed this, but did he just finish K or is he getting ready to start K? K is also a big change. All of these things combined can be a shock to a little kid's system, with the nanny leaving as the icing on the cake.

I would continue therapy but I would also push forward with some "normal" kid activities and socializing (maybe consult the therapist for some guidance here?). I would caution against making him feel like he needs to be treated with kid gloves right now or that something's wrong with him. Also, have you read any parenting books like Good Inside or No Bad Kids? Both of these address how changes we take for granted are paradigm shifts for young kids, and how you can best support them through it.

Get him checked for sleep apnea. I had a bright, happy, social kid who suddenly had behavior problems, academic regression, problems regulating emotions, and bed wetting. Also referred to a psychiatrist when labs came back normal. Diagnosis was first adjustment disorder and then depression. I took child to a sleep specialist and had a sleep study. Came back with moderate sleep apnea. Child had tonsils and adenoids removed and all symptoms resolved within 4-6 months.

If he’s regressing just go along with it and start treating him like he’s a baby again. He will soon see it’s more fun to act like a big kid.

Put him back in activities!!!!