Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of people suggesting hiring different sources but I’m not sure I’d have the mental energy for that. I’d rather interview some qualified Nannie’s that are willing to do household tasks too, but one that I can trust so that it can hopefully be someone that stays with my family for several years.

You are overthinking. If you want to quit, do so. If you want a nanny, go that route, but most nannies do not cook and clean, except for the kids.

I would rather stay in the work force. So with elementary school I go the easiest route:

1. Hire a weekly cleaning company. $125-$150 a week. Go with a company that has the staff and has vetted their employees. Merry Maids, The Cleaning Authority, etc.

2. Use the after school care at your elementary school. They are already set up for days off. Our elementary school uses Bar-T. They are like $600 or so a month.

3. Use a meal order service

Three kids - $1500
Cleaning Service weekly - $600
Hello Fresh/Every Plate meal delivery - $480 (you have to cook, but at least you don't have to think or shop)

$2600 monthly to ease your plate. Still manageable and you keep your career. You do not have to hire, interview, provided benefits, etc.

Even if it is “all your take-home pay”, it’s worth including the value of your non take-home pay as you think about this - especially if your take-home pay is “low” because you’re the lower earner in a high-income household.

Your job allows you to save for retirement at (I’m guessing) $20k per year plus an employer match of X.

It covers your family health care costs (what would those be if shifted to your spouse?).

It gives you the mental stimulation of work (would you be happier staying home?)

Take-home pay is only one variable for you! Make sure you look at all the variables.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you consider it paid for with your money? Why isn't the cost of the nanny considered as a proportion of your/DH's salaries? Isn't he also financially responsible for childcare?

I realize that money is fungible, and that its easy to say that it's X% of one partners salary - but consider an expense as part of the total HHI.

Or, you could consider that your DH can easily cover it, and then you can save all of your salary.

THIS! Why does the mother always take childcare expenses just out of her salary in order to justify staying home? I don't understand...

See the previous post. It’s not the “mother” always. It’s the lower income partner. If both partners are each making more than enough to pay for childcare, then sure it can rightly be called a shared expense. But if one partner makes much more than the other, and the lower earning partner does not earn enough to even cover child care, then let’s not mess around: the higher earning partner is working because she or he has to, and the lower earning partner is working only because he or she wants to. That’s why.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We would be hiring a nanny/household manager to help with house stuff, errands, and driving the kids to activities after school.

We have tried separately hiring help (household help and after school help) and it’s not easy to find folks who work part time, do a good job, and will stay for a long time. It’s 15 hrs for after school help and 15 hrs of household help (laundry, errands, prepping food, tidying) so it doesn’t really save money, plus the hourly rate is actually higher for part time work.

I would like to be able to come home and chat with my kids about their day instead of making lunches/cooking dinner/tidying kitchen, or spend time with them Saturday mornings instead of doing laundry and running errands. It would also be nice to have some time for myself, but I don’t think hiring a nanny will solve that problem.

What you are describing costs more than you want to pay for it because these are not normal expenses for a middle class family, but you're not a middle class family, are you? You just don't want to pay "all your take home pay" to make your life easier in the ways that you want.

Either it's worth what it costs or you can continue making your own kids' lunch and doing your own laundry and working. You CAN afford this expense if it's important to you, but it sounds like it's maybe not that important to you, if it's not worth it.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you consider it paid for with your money? Why isn't the cost of the nanny considered as a proportion of your/DH's salaries? Isn't he also financially responsible for childcare?

I realize that money is fungible, and that its easy to say that it's X% of one partners salary - but consider an expense as part of the total HHI.

Or, you could consider that your DH can easily cover it, and then you can save all of your salary.

THIS! Why does the mother always take childcare expenses just out of her salary in order to justify staying home? I don't understand...

Op here. We would be hiring a nanny/household manager to help with house stuff, errands, and driving the kids to activities after school.

We have tried separately hiring help (household help and after school help) and it’s not easy to find folks who work part time, do a good job, and will stay for a long time. It’s 15 hrs for after school help and 15 hrs of household help (laundry, errands, prepping food, tidying) so it doesn’t really save money, plus the hourly rate is actually higher for part time work.

I would like to be able to come home and chat with my kids about their day instead of making lunches/cooking dinner/tidying kitchen, or spend time with them Saturday mornings instead of doing laundry and running errands. It would also be nice to have some time for myself, but I don’t think hiring a nanny will solve that problem.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you consider it paid for with your money? Why isn't the cost of the nanny considered as a proportion of your/DH's salaries? Isn't he also financially responsible for childcare?

I realize that money is fungible, and that its easy to say that it's X% of one partners salary - but consider an expense as part of the total HHI.

Or, you could consider that your DH can easily cover it, and then you can save all of your salary.

This is fiction. The bottom line is that one partner, in this case, the husband, must work, while the lower earner, the wife, can choose to work or not. The arrangement does not work in any other way. So, yeah, it’s the wife’s income and how much of it goes to the nanny that is the decision maker.

Anonymous wrote:A nanny costs 72k a year?

Christ, for a few dollars more, you could hire an RN!

Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of people suggesting hiring different sources but I’m not sure I’d have the mental energy for that. I’d rather interview some qualified Nannie’s that are willing to do household tasks too, but one that I can trust so that it can hopefully be someone that stays with my family for several years.

I was the +1 for the au pair. We're suggesting this to solve the seeming problem you posed: You want help with childcare (totally reasonable!) but also expressed concern at the cost given that a nanny (expensive no doubt!) will eat up your take-home. So I and others suggested a solution to the problem--an au pair is what many of us have done to address precisely the issue you raise. Rather than spend like 72k a month for a good nanny (yes, to other posters, good nannies easily cost that much for 3 kids), you can get "good enough" for ~25k annually (less if they renew a second year).

If this delta of > $35k annually isn't worth your "mental energy," then I have a bit less sympathy for your concerns over the high cost of a nanny.

Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of people suggesting hiring different sources but I’m not sure I’d have the mental energy for that. I’d rather interview some qualified Nannie’s that are willing to do household tasks too, but one that I can trust so that it can hopefully be someone that stays with my family for several years.

How old are your kids?

If you are paying $6,000/mo for a nanny, that's $1500/week. I am certain that you can find a nanny for cheaper than that because that's an insane childcare bill. Kids are expensive, but there SHOULD be differences in cost for an elementary schooler who just needs aftercare and an infant who needs 3 naps and bottles.

I see a lot of people suggesting hiring different sources but I’m not sure I’d have the mental energy for that. I’d rather interview some qualified Nannie’s that are willing to do household tasks too, but one that I can trust so that it can hopefully be someone that stays with my family for several years.

Anonymous wrote:You need a household helper. Go to care.com and post an ad with your requirements,. You may need to hire multiple people, weekly housecleaners. Mothers helper 2-3 days a week for dinner prep or part time helper to pick and drop of kids on certain days for extracurricular activities. Finally date night baby sitting for you and DH to unwind.

Figure out how to make your life more efficient, healthy takeouts a few times a week, shifting to fresh salads, batch cooking on weekends. Rationalizing on EC for kids, have kids help out dishwasher and other house hold chores

I bet this would be much cheaper than a nanny or quitting your job.

+1 Take a day off work and figure this all out. It sounds kind of fun, you have an annual budget of 70K to make your life better--what would you do? The nice thing is you don't have to do it all at once. Solve the worst problem first, then move onto the next.

Why do you consider it paid for with your money? Why isn't the cost of the nanny considered as a proportion of your/DH's salaries? Isn't he also financially responsible for childcare?

I realize that money is fungible, and that its easy to say that it's X% of one partners salary - but consider an expense as part of the total HHI.

Or, you could consider that your DH can easily cover it, and then you can save all of your salary.

You need a household helper. Go to care.com and post an ad with your requirements,. You may need to hire multiple people, weekly housecleaners. Mothers helper 2-3 days a week for dinner prep or part time helper to pick and drop of kids on certain days for extracurricular activities. Finally date night baby sitting for you and DH to unwind.

Figure out how to make your life more efficient, healthy takeouts a few times a week, shifting to fresh salads, batch cooking on weekends. Rationalizing on EC for kids, have kids help out dishwasher and other house hold chores

I bet this would be much cheaper than a nanny or quitting your job.

Another +1 for an au pair or similar morning/after-school help. If your kids are all in school, it seems that you could be in the sweet spot of an au pair, for things like shuttling kids to where they need to be, kids' laundry, cooking for kids, taking care of kids in the am and in the hours from school to dinner.

When we had 2 kids in pre-K/kindergarten, an au pair was perfect for our needs. When we had child 3, we then had to go back to a nanny because the au pair just wasn't suited for a baby. We look forward to #3 being in pre-K, when we may go back to an au pair.