Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 20:09     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
I’m gonna disagree with all of you. It’s not that girls mature faster. It’s social media. These girls are watching make up tutorials and “get ready with me” videos. The amount they know about skincare and beauty products is staggering. And to be honest, a lot of the young women making the videos are poised and articulate. The girls seem sophisticated because they are, while the boys have spend the equivalent amount of time watching idiots play video games.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 14:52     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think my DDs were more poised in some ways at 11 than 13 or 14. They sounded like adults but were still kids. I feel like more insecurity hits later.


Sad but very true. My friend who has taught both middle school and high school says the same thing.


For sure. It's really sad to watch.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 14:29     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
I have an 11 year old girl and 14 year old boy. Girls just mature more quickly around this age than boys do. I joke, but am pretty serious, that they are basically the exact same age right now, both physically and mentally.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 13:42     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think my DDs were more poised in some ways at 11 than 13 or 14. They sounded like adults but were still kids. I feel like more insecurity hits later.


Sad but very true. My friend who has taught both middle school and high school says the same thing.


There's a good book I read several years ago with my daughter called "the confidence code for girls" or something like that. It's about how it's common for girls to lose confidence at that age and practical tips to get around that.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 13:25     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Anonymous wrote:I think my DDs were more poised in some ways at 11 than 13 or 14. They sounded like adults but were still kids. I feel like more insecurity hits later.


Sad but very true. My friend who has taught both middle school and high school says the same thing.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 13:23     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Anonymous wrote:I was watching kids at my son’s swim team’s award banquet and the girls look so poised compared to the 11-12 boys. They wore cute sundresses, some had heels on, others with light makeup. The boys were just so awkward in comparison. They made nice speeches but team work and thanked the coaches. Meanwhile the boys just mumbled, some kids cracked some jokes. When did this happen?!


Seriously OP? It's always been this way at that age.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 13:22     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Anonymous wrote:I was watching kids at my son’s swim team’s award banquet and the girls look so poised compared to the 11-12 boys. They wore cute sundresses, some had heels on, others with light makeup. The boys were just so awkward in comparison. They made nice speeches but team work and thanked the coaches. Meanwhile the boys just mumbled, some kids cracked some jokes. When did this happen?!


Sad that the societal expectations on girls to be poised and wear cute dresses for some rando middle aged person approval catches on so quick
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 13:17     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Girls are trained differently.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 13:15     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is an 11 yr old wearing makeup?


+1 makeup and heels doesn't sound "poised" to me that that age, it's maturing too fast. I wouldn't be pleased about this it feeling superior to boys etc.


Depends on the makeup. Are you talking lip gloss and a touch of eyeshadow or are you talking full face with false eyelashes. I see a lot of 11/12 year olds with lip gloss and a little eyeshadow and that seems age appropriate to me.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 11:52     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Anonymous wrote:Were your awards off-site? At our pool kids, both boys and girls, are generally wearing bathing suits and shorts and sweatshirts. Maybe some of the girls will throw on a skirt or cover-up dress over their suit but most are pretty sporty. Flip flops or bare feet for all, no heels.

There certainly is a maturity gap, but thankfully most of the 11-12s are still acting more like kids than tweens.

After the awards all the kids up to the graduating seniors are playing in the pool, so I don't think there's much point in make-up.

Fun but very casual, which I appreciate.


Yes ours too! I love this about our pool and our swim/dive team vibe.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 11:49     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Were your awards off-site? At our pool kids, both boys and girls, are generally wearing bathing suits and shorts and sweatshirts. Maybe some of the girls will throw on a skirt or cover-up dress over their suit but most are pretty sporty. Flip flops or bare feet for all, no heels.

There certainly is a maturity gap, but thankfully most of the 11-12s are still acting more like kids than tweens.

After the awards all the kids up to the graduating seniors are playing in the pool, so I don't think there's much point in make-up.

Fun but very casual, which I appreciate.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 11:37     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
I think my DDs were more poised in some ways at 11 than 13 or 14. They sounded like adults but were still kids. I feel like more insecurity hits later.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 11:37     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
They also don’t have an awkward stage, somehow! They pose for photos like they’re on the red carpet, know skin and hair care and makeup, etc (better than I do, tbh). I was a tween/teen in the 80s and there was a looooooong awkward period; I came out of it around 15, as did most of my friends. How are these girls so beautiful and poised?
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 11:28     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I notice this too! But less in terms of their appearances and more in their bearing. I have an 8 yo DD and when I was a kid, 11-12 yo girls were giggly and awkward or even rude around adults.

The only word for the 11-12 yo girls I know from the pool and school these past few summers is “poised”! I fully agree with you, OP. I feel bad because I can’t figure out what is pressuring them to have it so together- are expectations that high? Have we conditioned them to be like this? I appreciate it but it’s also unnerving. They speak to me with a graciousness and back-and-forth ease that many of my adult acquaintances can’t manage.

The boys, on the other hand, don’t seem to be any different than they were in 1992. For all I know, the stuff I hear poolside might have been recorded when I was in middle school and is getting replayed on the speakers. It’s comforting in its own way.


The way girls are parented has cheer since I was a kid. People are much more conscious now of not criticizing as much and being more encouraging. Girls are also encouraged to be comfortable and happy with their bodies, especially around puberty. When I was a girl, there was a lot of shame imposed on girls bodies in puberty and I think it contributed to that awkward shyness because girls knew their bodies were changing but felt like it was bad.

Conversely, I think boys used to get more encouragement and validation and get less now. I also think people just straight up don’t know how to parent or teach boys now because the old “boys will be boys” attitude is considered retrograde (and was pretty toxic when compared to the much stricter expectations for girls) but hasn’t really been replaced with anything. I think boys are often left to their own devices and this leads to immaturity.

Parents want to raise strong girls but just don’t want their boys to be jerks. This leads to more intensive, attentive parenting if girls and more hands off parenting of boys.


+1 boys were favored/desired but now there is almost this presumption that boys/men suck and the best outcome is that they are not too awful. I am a liberal and think this is way worse in our circles.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 11:25     Subject: 11-12 girls so poised
Anonymous wrote:Why is an 11 yr old wearing makeup?


+1 makeup and heels doesn't sound "poised" to me that that age, it's maturing too fast. I wouldn't be pleased about this it feeling superior to boys etc.