Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 20:40     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Oh man my parents have this at their lake cabin. When I ask to get rid of a lamp, mom says no bc she is going to fix it. She has been saying that for 20 years.

You just grin and bear it. Or stop going. You can’t move/trash her stuff even if it is objectively junk.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 20:24     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it's your IL's cabin then, yes, it's rude.



I agree on principle but I would straighten just a bit each visit and see if there was any pushback.



I would proceed very, very cautiously. Not her house, not her stuff. Setting things to the side in the guest room? Sure. Anywhere else? I don't think so.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 20:18     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Anonymous wrote:It depends entirely on who pays for the cabin.


+1. And all of the bills. Taxes, utilities, maintenance
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 17:26     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
I would slowly get rid of a few broken/unused things and clean a little.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 17:15     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you start with tossing the crap like the broken crayons, and then seeing what makes sense as a next step?


+1. Toss the crap no one will miss, and don't say anything. Crayons, cooking implements, that kind of thing.

Next step is either to repair some of the non working things (inevitably some will be beyond repair but you start with taking them for repair) or boxing unnecessary toys etc and setting them in a closet. You might want to ask first. Do not discard anything that could be sentimental or "valuable."


+1. See if the crayons and actual crap are mentioned and then put the broken lamps, etc. in a box and have your husband ask your IL's about repairing them. Agree about putting the toys in a box for storage versus getting rid of them.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 17:13     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s ok to throw out things in other peoples houses. Even if you think it is junk.


What about boxing up items that appear to have been discarded or not even touched for months (years?) and putting them to the side?


This right here. Put all the junk in one box, and anything repairable in another. See if anyone notices.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 16:52     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s ok to throw out things in other peoples houses. Even if you think it is junk.


What about boxing up items that appear to have been discarded or not even touched for months (years?) and putting them to the side?
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 16:50     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Anonymous wrote:This is a shared home and we trade off weekends. It's very small and beyond cluttered with ancient toys, knick knacks from the 1970s, old broken crayons, nonworking lamps, every surface covered. It's cluttered to the point that there's no room to unpack.
We've been married 20 years. I usually just deal but it's just an unpleasant stay. Would it be rude to ask my MIL (we have a good rel) if she'd be open to a cleaning service or even a decluttering service?


Maybe that's why she invites you to stay at her cabin--she's hoping that the neatnik in you will do a bit of gratuitous cleaning.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 16:47     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
I don’t think it’s ok to throw out things in other peoples houses. Even if you think it is junk.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 16:46     Subject: Re:Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Just invite the fire marshall over for dinner.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 16:42     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
It depends entirely on who pays for the cabin.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 16:41     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Anonymous wrote:Are you okay with them decluttering your home during a visit based on what they consider unnecessary or an unwanted nic nack?

Personally if anyone came into my home and went through it uninvited and threw out my belongings because to them they were too tacky or too old or unnecessary, they wouldn't be visiting again.

I doubt most of these posters telling you to go for it would be okay with their inlaws going through their houses and getting rid of stuff.


That depends. Is there a group of people who have been staying there, invited, for the last 20 years, every other weekend -- so you are splitting the time with them 50-50, and they don't even really have space to unpack?

Moving things over to one side in that context doesn't really seem egregious.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 16:12     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Are you okay with them decluttering your home during a visit based on what they consider unnecessary or an unwanted nic nack?

Personally if anyone came into my home and went through it uninvited and threw out my belongings because to them they were too tacky or too old or unnecessary, they wouldn't be visiting again.

I doubt most of these posters telling you to go for it would be okay with their inlaws going through their houses and getting rid of stuff.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 16:05     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
Your husband should have the conversation with his mother, not you.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2023 16:04     Subject: Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?
I have no answer to your question. But I am curious about this cabin. Who owns it? Do you really visit every other weekend? Where is the cabin? How do you manage this with kids?