Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, not much you can do and it sucks. My ILs probably had 10-20X in retirement savings compared to my parents, whose biggest indulgence in their latter years was an ice cream cone a couple times a week. And my ILs have pretty much spent it all and may be here for another 10 years. One of them would only be able to reside in a memory care unit if they had to leave their home. DH was so great with my parents, so I don't feel like I can complain - yet it didn't have to be this way.

This example isn't particularly compelling, TBH. Spend your latter years living by "indulging" in a couple of ice cream cones a week? So you can keep a healthy bank balance which will only be siphoned off in no time by a long term care facility?

The fact is that if a person has no income or assets, Medicaid will take over their long term care. My mother scrimped and saved and didn't fully LIVE or enjoy her retirement because she wanted to save it for her care. Well, guess what. All her savings was blown through in a matter of months at a facility and she wound up on Medicaid anyway. She stayed in the same facility, got the same care, the bill was just paid by Medicaid.

I wish, wish, wish she had taken that cruise, gone on that trip, gone ahead and bought the full-price dress and had the time of her life with her hard-earned money and made memories with all of us.

So...my parents were not indulgent people save the ice cream and a few other things. That was the nature for a lot of folks who grew up in the Depression. Their assets were quite minimal and they lived modestly as they didn't want to be a "burden" for their children. They would have never done the cruise, bought the full-price dress, etc as they were just not wired that way. ILs, OTOH, are not modest and do not live minimally. They've largely blown through their money. We are fine, but DH's sibling is not and would have benefited from a bit of inheritance. Now we will end up paying for them.

^ Way too rambling. Just make it clear and to the point: "If you want to buy that new car, you are certainly free to do so BUT I'm making it very clear that we will not be able to help you financially anymore. So keep that in mind. Do you understand?"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a free country. People are entitled to be foolish. And a fool and their money are quickly parted and all that ...

Right? People do this at all ages, but when they get old, younger people think they are second guess their judgement.

Most people have worked for 40 years to do what they want when they are older (if they have the health and money).

Leave your relative alone. Are you worried you will inherit less if they are happy now?

OP here. There is only SS to pay the bills (no retirement savings) and nothing to inherit. House was refinanced in 2021 for 30 year mortgage and another relative is making the payment on that. This is strictly about concern that with a new car payment there won’t be enough money for basic essentials.

Well, you certainly can talk to the couple about this, if they agree it is your business? Their finances don't sound very complex. Say "Aunt Chrystal, I'm concerned. I am aware that your SS checks every month are $3000. I know $700 goes to pay off Uncle Jim's SUV loan, and $300 goes towards insurance and gas and maintenance, and the rest towards your food and entertainment. I know that Cousin Larry pays your mortgage so you don't have that expense, but as a homeowner you should be saving $800 each month for home repairs. So that leaves $X for food. I am concerned that you won't have enough to save for home repair and basic expenses if you take on another car payment. I know we paid off your outstanding credit card debt last tine, but we just don't have any extra money any more to bail you out, or to help you pay for home repair when it happens. If you put these expenses on a credit card (or are denied credit) we won't be able to help you anymore. I just wanted you to know that, before you decide to buy a new car on credit."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a free country. People are entitled to be foolish. And a fool and their money are quickly parted and all that ...

Right? People do this at all ages, but when they get old, younger people think they are second guess their judgement.

Most people have worked for 40 years to do what they want when they are older (if they have the health and money).

Leave your relative alone. Are you worried you will inherit less if they are happy now?

OP here. There is only SS to pay the bills (no retirement savings) and nothing to inherit. House was refinanced in 2021 for 30 year mortgage and another relative is making the payment on that. This is strictly about concern that with a new car payment there won’t be enough money for basic essentials.

Help her apply for food stamps
I hope the relative making payments made sure the house will be theirs

OP, the only thing you can do is draw your boundary and then stiffen your resolve. They will continue to make bad financial choices. Eventually it might catch up to them. They might come to you and make you feel guilty. The only thing you can do is prepare yourself to say "no."