A dog got him upset? I thought mine was a jerk. I leave mine behind all the time and told him to get out of the house if he doesn't like it here at 18 sharp. I have a good kid, just lazy as hell.
You lucky he locked himself in so you don't have to. No teenager wants to hang out with parents. Leave him alone.

PP back to say that not letting my kids know my entire story is a gift to them. Try to think of it that way. Whenever I get frustrated with my kids, or spouse, or sibling, I do loving mediations towards them. The act of thinking about loving someone really calms me down.

Anonymous wrote:First rule of parenting teens: Don't take it personally.

Secondly, go out to dinner without him. We've done this before, left the snotty-at-the-moment teen home who couldn't be bothered home, while we went off and did whatever we had planned and our kids survived unscathed. Two of the 3 are adults now, and doing just fine.

Thirdly, you may want to really consider working with a professional on untangling your issues with the ones you're having with your son. If your history of abandonment is (understandably) interfering with being an authoritative parent, working with a counselor/therapist can help you unpack all of that. Your kid is going to realize (or already has) that *he* is in control, not you.

+1 I have two teen boys older than yours, and have childhood issues that makes it tough to know how to parent. #1 is SOOO key. I calmly say, "We're leaving in 10 minutes if you change your mind." Taking the emotion out of it will truly help because it sounds like you're locked in battle. I say this because taking away games for months, which is a source of connection for boys, is extreme.

Also, the more I listen, instead of fix, things are markedly better. But, they'll never be perfect. Decide what is most important and focus on that, let everything else go.

Finally, I suggest therapy too. For those of us who weren't parented, it can be VERY challenging to navigate raising kids. There was a trigger for me when my kids were aged 9, so I've worked on this for awhile and am feeling better. And even to this day it can be hard to see them not appreciate things you would have killed for. Sometimes it gets me in a rage, but then when I think about it that means I'm doing pretty effing good. Light years ahead of my own parents. GL! You've got this!

Anonymous wrote:2 months without his Xbox (depending on what he did) seems a little unreasonable.
If he believes he is not being treated fairly, good luck with him changing his behavior.

Agree. No wonder you’re having issues.

What did the dog do??

2 months without his Xbox (depending on what he did) seems a little unreasonable.
If he believes he is not being treated fairly, good luck with him changing his behavior.

Anonymous wrote:Our 15 year old has been acting like a jerk; for about ONE YEAR now. I mean.. I know the teen years are tough but I’m losing patience on how he treats me and everyone around him. He gets straight A’s so that’s not an issue; he acts like a spoiled jerk on most days. Honestly its bringing back bad memories for me when I was his age; I try so hard to be the parent I wished I had when I was a teenager. I have abandonment issues that my mom gaslights me about .. and I am so sad this child who doesn’t know my story doesn’t show the bare minimum respect.
Perfect example today after camp we planned on shopping for sports gear for him and then grab dinner out since we had not planned to go grocery shopping until tomorrow. After resting for about an hour after camp we were about to go out and he got in his feelings about something the dog did; and he decided he’s not going out. He locked the bedroom door and refused to go like a toddler. We took away x-box and FortNite about 2 months ago due to raging. Now he’s just scrolling Instagram, and we’re here without dinner. So he gets no dinner and what about us? What are the appropriate consequences for this type of behavior. WWYD?

He got in his feelings about something the do did - what does this even mean?

Order takeout. If he wants some, fine. If not, too bad.

If this has been a long-term issue of concern talk to his doc about a therapist.

I’m gonna go out on a limb but he’s your teenage son - you aren’t dating him. Go to dinner on your own and let him make ramen at home, it’s not personal. I know a lot of moms who get into these power struggles with their kids and it’s bc they view their teens behavior as a personal affront, it’s all about their own feelings and inability to let go of their “baby boy” (or girl), and I’ll be honest it’s all a bit immature to me. You probably have insecure/anxious attachment (understandable) and so you frame all of your son’s hormonal crap as some sort of insult to you personally, it makes you feel less than, when reality is that hes in his own little world trying to grow up, and be an independent being. If someone made you go out to dinner when you were in a crappy mood, how would you feel? Yeah that wouldn’t happen, bc adults get to make those choices for themselves but somehow it’s disrespectful when a teenager does it.

A teenagers job is to start to detach from the family. Certainly you can hold them to behavior standards, but unless it was an important dinner for some reason, who cares if he doesn’t go. Work on HOW he tells you, but you have to let him make the choices some of the time.

First rule of parenting teens: Don't take it personally.

Secondly, go out to dinner without him. We've done this before, left the snotty-at-the-moment teen home who couldn't be bothered home, while we went off and did whatever we had planned and our kids survived unscathed. Two of the 3 are adults now, and doing just fine.

Thirdly, you may want to really consider working with a professional on untangling your issues with the ones you're having with your son. If your history of abandonment is (understandably) interfering with being an authoritative parent, working with a counselor/therapist can help you unpack all of that. Your kid is going to realize (or already has) that *he* is in control, not you.

You need to have a conversation with your son when everyone is calm. Let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and that it stops today. Locking the room door is a good way to not have a door. OP you're in charge your kid is just a passenger along for the ride it's time he realizes that.

Honestly it sounds like your kid did fine and you are the problem. Something happened that he wasn’t equipped to handle and roll with it. Instead of making everyone else miserable, he went to his room. He told you he wasn’t going for dinner instead of leaving you hanging or going and making everyone miserable. It was actually very respectful behavior. Next time give him the space he’s asking for and offer to bring him some food.

As for raging, not sure what that means for your child - people use that term to mean many different things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s 15. Go to dinner without him.

This. Mine was a jerk from 13 and a half until 16 and a half. He got it totally out of his system though and he is a lovely 18 yr old. Helpful, polite, etc. Don't give up on him but also don't take any crap from him either.

NP. You have no idea how nice it is to read this and know your child worked it out. Gives me hope for mine!

This sounds dysfunctional. You need to be able to have heartfelt communication. You need family therapy.