Weirdly entitled that so many people are pissed about the therapist following ethics rules… and expecting that therapists should just get over their own personal qualms because of how hard it is for their clients to find a good match.

It’s not only about learning information about clients that they client themselves didn’t reveal- it’s about being able to enjoy a hobby and socialize without worrying that anything personal he shares will get back to his clients. Big yikes.

Gosh, hard to say if the therapist is looking for an "out" or not.

I would have a candid conversation and ask her to explain exactly what the ethics rule is and how it's being violated. I would ask if there are ways of getting around it.

Do you like this person? If so, I understand the need/want to preserve the relationship.

If the person remains firm, I would ask gently but directly if there's any other reason that she doesn't want to continue with your son.

I think it could be super helpful/informative to find out what's going on. You also don't want your head to spin, so it's better to have a direct-ish but super polite conversation in which you lay your cards out on the table.

Anonymous wrote:

If the therapist is not young, is he old? Like old enough to maybe have a deeper relationship with your mom than he is letting on? If he has an actual relationship with your mom, I can see how that would be problematic.

The final thing might be if your mom is just a talker. Like if she knows he is a therapist and she incessantly wants to talk about "her grandson" to him, I can see how that would complicate therapy. He might start to get confused about who said what.

He's older - my mom is not close with him, just acquaintance. She's about average, talker-wise. She thinks maybe the guy is just looking to pare down his client list due to winding down, but who knows if that is right.

If her is determined not to work with your son you will not be able to convince him. That said, he should know there is another ethical issue "client abandonment." It is his duty to help you find someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have found some of the local therapists to be super rigid about their ethics rules. It’s DC, lots of rule followers here.

I’m a therapist (and a parent). The rule following about outside connections is a good thing and something therapists have not always payed close attention to. It is surprising how much certain sections of DC and certain suburbs like Arlington actually feel like large villages—where everyone knows everyone. It is good for therapists to keep on guard to prevent their personal and private spaces from merging.

Dont ever move to a small town of 200,000 or so people. Everyone knows everyone. And yet people manage just fine.

The therapist has to uphold ethical guidelines for his/her license and the well being of their clients. Often therapist don't live in the town where they work.

It was actually an offhand mention of DS's fairly long term girlfriend (over a year) - she plays a sport that not many women/girls play, and also an esoteric instrument. Once my mom mentioned her, he connected it.


If the therapist can make the connection through an offhand mention, imagine what else could come out when deep into therapy? It’s for your son’s confidentiality. It would be inappropriate for grandma to tell the therapist at garden club, my grandson loves you, thank you, or to tell others about the connection

NP here. Obviously, I don't know what exactly was said. But to me there is a HUGE difference between making small talk about your grandson's girlfriend playing rugby and taking tuba lessons vs. thanking a therapist and telling him that your grandson loves him. The former is harmless.

Anonymous wrote:

Grandma is in a 1-2x/month large gardening club with the doctor of one of her grandchildren and the doctor dumps the young patient?!?

Thats weird and egregiously conservative. Wtf are they talking about at these gardening planting sessions.


My kids' grandparents talk about their grandchildren a lot. I can guarantee that if one grandparent in particular was in gardening club, every single member would have seen pictures of my children.

It was actually an offhand mention of DS's fairly long term girlfriend (over a year) - she plays a sport that not many women/girls play, and also an esoteric instrument. Once my mom mentioned her, he connected it.

If the therapist can make the connection through an offhand mention, imagine what else could come out when deep into therapy? It’s for your son’s confidentiality. It would be inappropriate for grandma to tell the therapist at garden club, my grandson loves you, thank you, or to tell others about the connection.

I get it though, as a parent, having to start over in finding someone new who is available, in a good location and who fits is so so hard.

If the therapist is not young, is he old? Like old enough to maybe have a deeper relationship with your mom than he is letting on? If he has an actual relationship with your mom, I can see how that would be problematic.

The final thing might be if your mom is just a talker. Like if she knows he is a therapist and she incessantly wants to talk about "her grandson" to him, I can see how that would complicate therapy. He might start to get confused about who said what.

He's older - my mom is not close with him, just acquaintance. She's about average, talker-wise. She thinks maybe the guy is just looking to pare down his client list due to winding down, but who knows if that is right.

Honestly, I find this a little weird. Is the therapist young or new? They seem to not be calculating how difficult it might be for you to find a new therapist quickly that your son clicks with. I certainly hope they are taking an active role in referring you rather than just dumping you.

If the therapist is not young, is he old? Like old enough to maybe have a deeper relationship with your mom than he is letting on? If he has an actual relationship with your mom, I can see how that would be problematic.

The final thing might be if your mom is just a talker. Like if she knows he is a therapist and she incessantly wants to talk about "her grandson" to him, I can see how that would complicate therapy. He might start to get confused about who said what.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have found some of the local therapists to be super rigid about their ethics rules. It’s DC, lots of rule followers here.

I’m a therapist (and a parent). The rule following about outside connections is a good thing and something therapists have not always payed close attention to. It is surprising how much certain sections of DC and certain suburbs like Arlington actually feel like large villages—where everyone knows everyone. It is good for therapists to keep on guard to prevent their personal and private spaces from merging.

Dont ever move to a small town of 200,000 or so people. Everyone knows everyone. And yet people manage just fine.

Exactly. The therapist is hewing a bit too close to the letter of the law, here, given how hard it is to find someone good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have found some of the local therapists to be super rigid about their ethics rules. It’s DC, lots of rule followers here.

I’m a therapist (and a parent). The rule following about outside connections is a good thing and something therapists have not always payed close attention to. It is surprising how much certain sections of DC and certain suburbs like Arlington actually feel like large villages—where everyone knows everyone. It is good for therapists to keep on guard to prevent their personal and private spaces from merging.

Dont ever move to a small town of 200,000 or so people. Everyone knows everyone. And yet people manage just fine.

Grandma is in a 1-2x/month large gardening club with the doctor of one of her grandchildren and the doctor dumps the young patient?!?

Thats weird and egregiously conservative. Wtf are they talking about at these gardening planting sessions.


My kids' grandparents talk about their grandchildren a lot. I can guarantee that if one grandparent in particular was in gardening club, every single member would have seen pictures of my children.

It was actually an offhand mention of DS's fairly long term girlfriend (over a year) - she plays a sport that not many women/girls play, and also an esoteric instrument. Once my mom mentioned her, he connected it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen son had done three sessions with a therapist that he said he liked. The therapist told us that he felt he could no longer treat DS because he discovered that he (the therapist) is in a gardening club with my mother, and feels uncomfortable about treating my son in light of this. The gardening club meets twice a month, and there are more than 20 people in it. This seems ridiculous .... but i am not sure what I can do (probably nothing). Do you perceive any ethical conflict here?

Grandma is in a 1-2x/month large gardening club with the doctor of one of her grandchildren and the doctor dumps the young patient?!?

Thats weird and egregiously conservative. Wtf are they talking about at these gardening planting sessions.

My kids' grandparents talk about their grandchildren a lot. I can guarantee that if one grandparent in particular was in gardening club, every single member would have seen pictures of my children.

This is the correct thing for the therapist to do.

The therapist is definitely making the right call but I’m sorry for you and your son. My son just started with a new therapist who finally seems like the perfect fit after a year of no progress elsewhere and I would be so disappointed to have to start over. I hope the therapist can help you to identify someone new who won’t have a long waitlist.

Anonymous wrote:I have found some of the local therapists to be super rigid about their ethics rules. It’s DC, lots of rule followers here.

I’m a therapist (and a parent). The rule following about outside connections is a good thing and something therapists have not always payed close attention to. It is surprising how much certain sections of DC and certain suburbs like Arlington actually feel like large villages—where everyone knows everyone. It is good for therapists to keep on guard to prevent their personal and private spaces from merging.