What exactly does this mean? Do he no longer show affection? Does nothing for household help (which is complicated — if he has the more demanding and or higher paying job it’s best to ensure you have equal leisure time not equal “household labor”). ? Doesn’t seem to care or feign interest? Let’s himself get fat and become a bore? As a dad I’m very involved and do a lot of household labor, very affectionate to DW, but I make less than her (despite trying desperately to raise my income) and definitely have gained weight — maybe she thinks I am mailing it in because I should be focused on the 6 figures and the 6 pack??

Anonymous wrote:Lol we were separated and I said if we get divorced I’m not taking the kids. He quickly shaped up

NP. Same here. I am not up for parenting with a Disneyland dad and he knows it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it ever get old for the same 5 angry posters to get into the same circle jerk day after day?

No, it never gets old for women to speak honestly about the ways in which men take advantage of their time and effort.

Does it ever get old for a man to try to get others to do his work for free for him instead of doing it himself?

Amen.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he thought I would never leave because of our family. I let him know that I would choose to live a happy life rather than just survive a subpar one, and our DC would benefit from that example.

We now see a counselor when we reach a hard patch, she almost always sides with me, he happily obliges after my opinion is supported by an expert, and our life is better. However, I do now have my own savings account where I squirrel money away with his knowledge. He now knows I am not in this marriage unconditionally.

horrible comment

I'm a man.

My ex-wife did, and for years. Wouldn't do me the courtesy of telling me when she was coming home, would go early for business trips that she could have easily done as day trips, and had "calendar problems" that always led her to choosing work meetings over anniversary trips, special concerts planned, etc. She even would go out with our DC and tell me to call them to join when I was done with a pre-agreed commitment (on family calendar), and when I would, she would never answer.

Found out recently that she was telling our child that if I loved them more I would have joined.

Divorced now, and happy to understand again what a relationship with someone who wants to invest feels like.

I don't think this is a man / woman thing. I think it's a selfishness and apathy that happens when people have given up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol we were separated and I said if we get divorced I’m not taking the kids. He quickly shaped up

This!

I wish. My husband would take the kids. His family would never let him give up the kids.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he thought I would never leave because of our family. I let him know that I would choose to live a happy life rather than just survive a subpar one, and our DC would benefit from that example.

We now see a counselor when we reach a hard patch, she almost always sides with me, he happily obliges after my opinion is supported by an expert, and our life is better. However, I do now have my own savings account where I squirrel money away with his knowledge. He now knows I am not in this marriage unconditionally.

It’s very important (and not always easy- some want to do that bothsiderism BS) to ensure you find a counselor that takes your side. Incredibly frustrating otherwise.

Isn’t this just staying together for the kids? Modeling a failed partnership full of dysfunction and resentment until the last one goes off to school so they have no home to return to and no idea what a healthy relationship looks like?

Anonymous wrote:Does it ever get old for the same 5 angry posters to get into the same circle jerk day after day?

No, it never gets old for women to speak honestly about the ways in which men take advantage of their time and effort.

Does it ever get old for a man to try to get others to do his work for free for him instead of doing it himself?

Does it ever get old for the same 5 angry posters to get into the same circle jerk day after day?

Mine did for many years. There was a thread on here awhile ago about dropping the rope. I did that. I did exactly what I wanted to do for the kids with no expectation that he would help. Taking the kids to movies, arranging playdates, buying new clothes, sports practices, holiday stuff, (my) family traditions, homework help, etc. I did it for me. I spent his money. He didn't do as much as me, but more of his salary was used for our "support."

Covid helped him see the quantity of activities that I was doing, and he stepped up (some). But really I had to drop the resentment and lower my expectations. It'll never be even, but I feel better about the whole situation and he seems very appreciative.

Other things: I was pretty blunt about telling the kids what they could & couldn't expect from Dad. I got more explicit about giving him instructions and not doing things for him when he f*cked it up. I also handed over more responsibilities to the kids so I didn't feel like a servant. I stopped doing any errands or house fixes that I didn't want to do. My cleanliness standards were higher than his and I loosened that a bit.