Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:27     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Anonymous wrote:He needs to get over himself. Obviously you’ve raised a selfish and immature kid, likely because he’s an only. He shouldn’t be laying a guilt trip on you like that.

We raised our kids in a very nice cul de sac in a highly sought after DMV suburb, and after our youngest went off to college I wanted to downsize and move into the city. My spouse was game, but a couple of the kids laid a guilt trip on us about the “family home” etc and my spouse was falling for it. I reached out to the “kids” (who, like your son aren’t “kids”) in w group email where I didn’t include my spouse and basically said look, we’re entitled to a life too, and we don’t want to live where we raised you guys just so you have a museum to come home to. And you know how [spouse] is. Knock off the guilt trip and stop being selfish.”

They backed down immediately. A dozen or so years later, it’s like we never lived there. And everyone loves the new place.

He’ll get over it. Live your life.


I don't like the statement he is selfish likely because he is an only child. Let's no stereotype, I know plenty of immature and selfish people who had siblings. (I am not an only).

Kids sometimes say things to parents (even as adults) because they feel comfortable doing so. Sometimes change is harder for certain people and that's okay. I know when my grandmother dies and they sell her house I will be sad because it holds so many wonderful memories for me. People handle their emotions differently, doesn't mean OP has to give their house to son though.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:25     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Anonymous wrote:OP here. We can afford to buy another house and keep the old family home. DS would like us to give it to him, not buy it. He does seem emotionally attached to the house, and asked us not to rent it out meantime.


Only you really know the dynamics of your family relationship and your son's personality and traits towards responsibility, etc., but if I had the means I would figure out a way to make this work. I think your son showing some actual effort towards saving money like he'd have to save for a down payment and maybe he takes over maintenance and property taxes if you aren't renting it?

This is assuming he's a responsible adult and not a failure to launch type.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:20     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Anonymous wrote:He needs to get over himself. Obviously you’ve raised a selfish and immature kid, likely because he’s an only. He shouldn’t be laying a guilt trip on you like that.

We raised our kids in a very nice cul de sac in a highly sought after DMV suburb, and after our youngest went off to college I wanted to downsize and move into the city. My spouse was game, but a couple of the kids laid a guilt trip on us about the “family home” etc and my spouse was falling for it. I reached out to the “kids” (who, like your son aren’t “kids”) in w group email where I didn’t include my spouse and basically said look, we’re entitled to a life too, and we don’t want to live where we raised you guys just so you have a museum to come home to. And you know how [spouse] is. Knock off the guilt trip and stop being selfish.”

They backed down immediately. A dozen or so years later, it’s like we never lived there. And everyone loves the new place.

He’ll get over it. Live your life.


OP has an only. Wealth transfer is different when there's just one.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:19     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Anonymous wrote:OP again... are we doing him a diservice by dropping a house in his lap, and does he come off as kind of entitled or is this a normal expectation for 30- somethings now?


How is he otherwise? Does he seem entitled to you? I think him asking to be given a house outright is a bit entitled.

I don't know your financial situation, but things can change drastically and people are living longer and longer and elder care keeps getting more expensive. We had to put my great aunt and great uncle in two separate facilities for different needs (Alzheimer's ) and was VERY expensive (almost mid-6 figures a year for both). My GU who was mentally there picked the nicest facility for GA with Alzheimer's and it was their money, so whatever they wanted. Will your kid do that for you one day? If you need to be put in some fancy facility or will they want your money instead?

Look at your financials and give him some options, maybe let him buy it at a reduced price or offer downpayment assistance when he wants to buy his first home.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:12     Subject: Placeholding for kid
He needs to get over himself. Obviously you’ve raised a selfish and immature kid, likely because he’s an only. He shouldn’t be laying a guilt trip on you like that.

We raised our kids in a very nice cul de sac in a highly sought after DMV suburb, and after our youngest went off to college I wanted to downsize and move into the city. My spouse was game, but a couple of the kids laid a guilt trip on us about the “family home” etc and my spouse was falling for it. I reached out to the “kids” (who, like your son aren’t “kids”) in w group email where I didn’t include my spouse and basically said look, we’re entitled to a life too, and we don’t want to live where we raised you guys just so you have a museum to come home to. And you know how [spouse] is. Knock off the guilt trip and stop being selfish.”

They backed down immediately. A dozen or so years later, it’s like we never lived there. And everyone loves the new place.

He’ll get over it. Live your life.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:11     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Anonymous wrote:OP again... are we doing him a diservice by dropping a house in his lap, and does he come off as kind of entitled or is this a normal expectation for 30- somethings now?


I mean, it's not common, and I'm pretty shocked that he asked. It's a level of entitlement that I would find concerning as a parent, because it suggests he hasn't given any thought to the fact that you might need that $2m (or whatever) for long-term care, or just to enjoy your retirement.

I think it would be extremely generous to present him with this choice:

1) He can buy the house from you at market value minus something like 10% when you are ready to sell; or

2) You will give him 10% of the sale to use as a down payment.

Either one of those is far above and beyond the norm, and what most families can afford to do.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:10     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Anonymous wrote:OP here. We can afford to buy another house and keep the old family home. DS would like us to give it to him, not buy it. He does seem emotionally attached to the house, and asked us not to rent it out meantime.


asking you not to rent it out in the meantime seems like going too far. You should do some type of transaction where he pays you until he has enough to buy it ( i assume at a somewhat reduced price). THats what my brother did with his in laws and im jealous - hahah.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:06     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP again... are we doing him a diservice by dropping a house in his lap, and does he come off as kind of entitled or is this a normal expectation for 30- somethings now?


I would sell it to him at a very reduced price.


Would not be an arms length transaction and could affect his basis
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:05     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Anonymous wrote:OP again... are we doing him a diservice by dropping a house in his lap, and does he come off as kind of entitled or is this a normal expectation for 30- somethings now?


I would sell it to him at a very reduced price.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:03     Subject: Placeholding for kid
OP again... are we doing him a diservice by dropping a house in his lap, and does he come off as kind of entitled or is this a normal expectation for 30- somethings now?
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 10:01     Subject: Placeholding for kid
OP here. We can afford to buy another house and keep the old family home. DS would like us to give it to him, not buy it. He does seem emotionally attached to the house, and asked us not to rent it out meantime.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 09:58     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This could work out very well for him, taxwise. If you do not sell the house but allow him to live in it and then transfer it to him on your death, he will get the stepped up basis on a very appreciated house.


Yes and he is effectively claiming his inheritance before his parents have even passed, nevermind that they might need the money that is tied up in the house.


Obviously it only works if they do not need the money from the sale during their lives. But if they bought a long time ago and can afford not to take the money now, they will leave a much larger legacy by doing this. He’s not claiming anything until their deaths as the title will still be in their names. He should pay the taxes, maintenance and home insurance meanwhile and that will lower their expenses. It’s a win win, unless they can’t afford not to take the principal.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2023 08:55     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Anonymous wrote:My only child asked us not to sell his family home because he wants to live there with his *future* family. We had not anticipated staying in the DMV with an empty nest and are frankly surprised he wants to live here. We're in Chevy Chase MD if that matters. Had anyone done this and how did it turn out? Any regrets?


My in-laws sold the family home and built a smaller home nearby. I think on some level everyone regrets that happened. But it's a different circumstance. There are 5 siblings and the family home was where everyone gathered for 4th July for 30 years.

If you need the money from the sale of the family home then I don't think there's much to talk about. If you don't, then I think you should entertain the request. You didn't give enough details for us to weigh in.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2023 21:47     Subject: Placeholding for kid
Ok, I’m totally baffled by this request unless he is offering to buy the house…now or at least by a specific date. If this is just some general hope he has, my answer would be a kind, “we can’t make that kind of commitment to you, given how many things may change between today and whenever you may be ready to purchase.”

He could be relocated. He could meet the love of his life who wants or needs to live outside the DMV. He may never start a family. He may just plain change his mind.

(Also, on the “who knows if they’re serious” comment regarding his girlfriend…if it was serious, wouldn’t you know?)
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2023 21:35     Subject: Re:Placeholding for kid
If he wants you to give the house to him, no. If he wants to buy it for fair market value, then I would do it.