Anonymous wrote:My stbx isn’t cheating (almost wish he was) but he has always, since our kid was born, established that he will disappear for how long & whenever he wants. It’s hard to comprehend if you’re not like that or have never been in such a relationship. But there’s just not much you can do if someone just says “I’m staying late at work” or “I’m going out” and just … leaves.

Sounds like a candidate for “hiking the Appalachian Trail”, South Carolina style.

Anonymous wrote:“The gym”- go bang in a hotel nearby. Or on WAH day when he “had to run into the office for an hour or so” (aka her house).

She didn’t work and had kids in school so house was free and she had all the time in the world when husband was at work.

Doesn't the other spouse see the credit card bill with the hotel charges on it?

Anonymous wrote:It's not so hard to arrange time to meet up.
What's harder is meeting someone new and getting to the point that you want to meet up and getting to the point of setting up transactional hookups.

Yeah probably this is why a lot start at work, so people have time for the "seduction" part before going to quick hookups.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw a funny tiktok yesterday that said - I just realized my husband wouldn't cheat on me, because he'd need me to plan that for him.

The Other Woman is usually more than happy to plan the meetup.

Yep. And make herself available at the drop of a hat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

That’s me. We have all the same interests, have fun together, workout together, socialize with friends together…it was an hour once or twice a month during his workday when I made the logical assumption that he was at work. I work too and had zero suspicion and he never stayed late or went out alone, etc.

It actually meant it was easier to do because zero suspicions were there. I even knew his phone password, as he knows mine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

It really only takes an hour.

Anonymous wrote:I saw a funny tiktok yesterday that said - I just realized my husband wouldn't cheat on me, because he'd need me to plan that for him.

The Other Woman is usually more than happy to plan the meetup.

I saw a funny tiktok yesterday that said - I just realized my husband wouldn't cheat on me, because he'd need me to plan that for him.

Running to the grocery store for a few things.

Going to the gym.

Off to take care of some errands.

Lunch time.

Stopping off for a couple things after hanging out with a friend/sport activity/etc.

Extra long bathroom breaks (for texting).

Sitting in the car for a few extra minutes (texting).

Anonymous wrote:My stbx isn’t cheating (almost wish he was) but he has always, since our kid was born, established that he will disappear for how long & whenever he wants. It’s hard to comprehend if you’re not like that or have never been in such a relationship. But there’s just not much you can do if someone just says “I’m staying late at work” or “I’m going out” and just … leaves.

WTF

Everyone who works has a lunch/meal break.

My ex cheated with some he worked with, and they would meet in her office or go to her house during lunch. Then he would say he had to work 1/2 hour - 1 hour later than usual but him working a little later wasn't that out of the ordinary. Infrequently, they would meet up on weekends or evenings when he was supposedly running errands or taking out of town work colleagues to dinner.

Once she switched employers, they still cheated during work hours, but his work product suffered and he was getting bad reviews. He probably would have been disciplined or fired if the affair hadn't been discovered and ended.

It’s easy for either spouse to do if one works late nights in the office.

It's not so hard to arrange time to meet up.
What's harder is meeting someone new and getting to the point that you want to meet up and getting to the point of setting up transactional hookups.