Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 20:04     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re stuck in an immature place. Were you abused or traumatized as a kid? Or maybe borderline personality disorder?


It is not immature to be able to acknowledge a difficult feeling you are having and ask for help in managing it or looking at it from another perspective. That actually requires self-awareness and maturity.


99% of OP is seeking commiseration.


There is nothing wrong with seeking commiseration. Do you think that seeking out people who feel as you do or struggle with the same things is a sign of borderline personality disorder? Wtf?


No, I think being permanently stuck in a teen’s mindset is a possible indicator of BPD or otherwise arrested development.

PP said maybe OP is sincerely trying to get over it.

OP has gone on to prove she doesn’t want to get over it but instead to wallow in her immaturity. Again suggesting a serious mental health challenge.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 20:03     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Because when you're the one with a serious cancer diagnosis in middle age and your friends are busy planning their kids' college admissions, reaping rewards in their careers, upgrading their homes, etc...

... it sucks entirely.

Not me. My friend. I am the lucky one for now, and she's not so lucky, and I wish she could experience the life I have instead of lurching from treatment to treatment.


+1 just think about this OP! there are so many really really serious things that can go wrong. And they even happen to super rich or beautiful people too. I have a lot of clinicians in my family, and so they see the statistically unlucky ones. But at least it gives them perspective and they feel very grateful.


Your not going to want to hear this, but: when privileged people get cancer, get divorced, lose jobs, etc., they have extensive support networks that make it far more likely they will get through it. Look at health outcomes for people based on socio-economic class, or something like the ACES test. People born to wealth, privilege, and stable families may of course experience bad luck and misfortune. But they will not suffer as much from it as people who are not.

And to take it further (and likely piss you off more), even if a very privileged person dies of cancer, their families will have more financial security, support, access to mental health resources, etc., than people from less privileged backgrounds. Even when the worst happens, it's not as bad. That's the fundamental unfairness.


Nah, that's mostly nonsense. You can get mad about imaginary people who have lucky happy lives. I'll take my contentment. And my knowledge that most Americans are not those elites that you're perseverating over.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 20:02     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
I’m pretty damn lucky and comfortable but the great disparity between the lucky and unlucky in the world is what pushed me over the edge to atheism. When I think of the absolute horror and suffering that little children in this world are enduring right now, all day, every day. No way can I get behind the idea that there is a deity that could sort it but choses not to for (insert your religion’s explanation here.) Nope!
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:43     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I really struggle with this too, OP. I am reading Living Untethered by Michael Singer, and it is helping me understand life in a different way and put a lot of things in a different perspective.


OP here. Thank you, I'll check this one out, as well as the book mentioned upthread. I hadn't heard of either of them.


DP here. I’m going to check both of those out and I also recommend The Happiness Trap.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:36     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:I really struggle with this too, OP. I am reading Living Untethered by Michael Singer, and it is helping me understand life in a different way and put a lot of things in a different perspective.


OP here. Thank you, I'll check this one out, as well as the book mentioned upthread. I hadn't heard of either of them.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:36     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re stuck in an immature place. Were you abused or traumatized as a kid? Or maybe borderline personality disorder?


It is not immature to be able to acknowledge a difficult feeling you are having and ask for help in managing it or looking at it from another perspective. That actually requires self-awareness and maturity.


99% of OP is seeking commiseration.


There is nothing wrong with seeking commiseration. Do you think that seeking out people who feel as you do or struggle with the same things is a sign of borderline personality disorder? Wtf?
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:34     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Because when you're the one with a serious cancer diagnosis in middle age and your friends are busy planning their kids' college admissions, reaping rewards in their careers, upgrading their homes, etc...

... it sucks entirely.

Not me. My friend. I am the lucky one for now, and she's not so lucky, and I wish she could experience the life I have instead of lurching from treatment to treatment.


+1 just think about this OP! there are so many really really serious things that can go wrong. And they even happen to super rich or beautiful people too. I have a lot of clinicians in my family, and so they see the statistically unlucky ones. But at least it gives them perspective and they feel very grateful.


Your not going to want to hear this, but: when privileged people get cancer, get divorced, lose jobs, etc., they have extensive support networks that make it far more likely they will get through it. Look at health outcomes for people based on socio-economic class, or something like the ACES test. People born to wealth, privilege, and stable families may of course experience bad luck and misfortune. But they will not suffer as much from it as people who are not.

And to take it further (and likely piss you off more), even if a very privileged person dies of cancer, their families will have more financial security, support, access to mental health resources, etc., than people from less privileged backgrounds. Even when the worst happens, it's not as bad. That's the fundamental unfairness.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:33     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:From meditation, I’ve learned that thoughts are neutral and pass. It’s when we can’t stop chasing after the thought that we struggle. It sounds like you are chasing the thought. What if you just watched the thought instead?



I really like this. Thank you for sharing! DP here.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:33     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
We are fortunate in our lives but we aren't DCUM rich. Perhaps you need to change your social circle? I 100% know what you're talking about, but it isn't things I see in my life every day because I'm not surrounded by people like that every day. 99% of my acquaintances fall in the category of "have had lots of good things happen in their life but have had lots of bad too".

So I'd suggest maybe change your social circles and limit your social media so that you're not exposed to this.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:31     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:I don't see this IRL. It's not a real phenomenon. see people with this anxiety though, especially on DCUM. Is it an East Coast mindset? I hope my kids are able to inherit my Midwestern mindset rather than the DC mindset of unhappiness and judgment.


What precisely is not a real phenomenon?

Have you considered that your midwestern background may, in fact, be incredibly privileged? Are you from a supportive and loving family? Grow up in a stable home? Have access to educational opportunities that are out of reach for most of the planet? Have good physical and mental health? Even if you can say yes to only a couple of those, you are very privileged? And your kids even more so? And your belief that people who see this for what it is are subscribing to a "mindset of unhappiness and judgment" rather than simply seeing the world as it is, is in fact a privileged perspective based on your own belief of your inherent goodness?
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:31     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:

Because when you're the one with a serious cancer diagnosis in middle age and your friends are busy planning their kids' college admissions, reaping rewards in their careers, upgrading their homes, etc...

... it sucks entirely.

Not me. My friend. I am the lucky one for now, and she's not so lucky, and I wish she could experience the life I have instead of lurching from treatment to treatment.


+1 just think about this OP! there are so many really really serious things that can go wrong. And they even happen to super rich or beautiful people too. I have a lot of clinicians in my family, and so they see the statistically unlucky ones. But at least it gives them perspective and they feel very grateful.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:27     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re stuck in an immature place. Were you abused or traumatized as a kid? Or maybe borderline personality disorder?


It is not immature to be able to acknowledge a difficult feeling you are having and ask for help in managing it or looking at it from another perspective. That actually requires self-awareness and maturity.


99% of OP is seeking commiseration.


And she's getting a lot of it lol
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:26     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re stuck in an immature place. Were you abused or traumatized as a kid? Or maybe borderline personality disorder?


It is not immature to be able to acknowledge a difficult feeling you are having and ask for help in managing it or looking at it from another perspective. That actually requires self-awareness and maturity.


99% of OP is seeking commiseration.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:25     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
Anonymous wrote:From meditation, I’ve learned that thoughts are neutral and pass. It’s when we can’t stop chasing after the thought that we struggle. It sounds like you are chasing the thought. What if you just watched the thought instead?



OP here. Trust me, I do -- I practice mindfulness everyday (meditation was not right for me, though I did it for quite some time as well). I have practiced this detachment from this thought many, many times. It always comes back, and still I am left with this uncomfortable feeling of resentment.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2023 19:24     Subject: Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?
I really struggle with this too, OP. I am reading Living Untethered by Michael Singer, and it is helping me understand life in a different way and put a lot of things in a different perspective.