Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that the "husband is clueless about finances" marriages are weaker than the equal or "wife is clueless about finances" marriages.

Why? Because the wife holds the reins and can therefore strategically save to leave one day?

PP who posted that, and nope, it's because women don't respect men who are not obsessed enough with money and supporting them. Just in the last few posts, women have said the following:

"When there are dollar signs, his poor little brain goes to mush....I kind of hate him for it."

"He’s completely dumb about investing....Good thing we have me."

No men have posted such things because they don't view their wives as ATMs to support their lifestyle.

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that the "husband is clueless about finances" marriages are weaker than the equal or "wife is clueless about finances" marriages.

Why? Because the wife holds the reins and can therefore strategically save to leave one day?

My mother has absolutely no idea what they have and she likes it that way. She couldn't tell you what a 401k is and thinks it's cute that "It's all Greek to me."
She thinks that when my father dies I will be there to take care of everything because I'm "good with money." Of course, I have absolutely no idea either because my father won't tell me! He thinks that if I have any clue how much money they have, my husband "won't work as hard".
Every so often my mother asks my father to make sure I know everything and he tells her not to worry about it. He's not healthy, either.

I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that the "husband is clueless about finances" marriages are weaker than the equal or "wife is clueless about finances" marriages.

DW has no idea or interest.

We each specialize and that works for us.

I do money, the lawn, house and car maintenance, vacation planning, some kidnactivities.

I care very little about routine kid health stuff, laundry, what we have for dinner, the kid’s teachers etc.

My DH has no clue. I did write a financial plan for us last year and showed it to him - our net worth, what we’re saving, what we’re projected to have at retirement age and how much income it can potentially generate along with social security. I wanted him to understand why I carve off a certain amount of my bonus each quarter for brokerage, cash and 529 savings. He claimed to grasp it, but when tax time rolled around and it was time to fund his SEP, he asked me if it was really necessary and could we just skip it this year. Ugh. He’s completely dumb about investing and the time value of money. But, he’s a great guy, good dad, loving husband and great at his job. Good thing we have me to make sure we will retire well.

I tried to get DH interested but failed. When there are dollar signs, his poor little brain goes to mush. I tried to put him in charge of paying a bill or two, but those bills went unpaid. He grew up UMC and his parents took care of everything, so he lives in blissful ignorance about money.

I kind of hate him for it.

I’m only starting to have a clue.
And DH occasionally says things like - I should tell you logins in case you ever need it. It’s a work in progress.

How did it happen - we are a dual working household and have 3 kids and we volunteer with their activities too & it wasn’t a priority to me. I needed to offload household tasks and he didn’t mind being in charge.

I really don’t care about anything in the day-to-day financial management. Spouse is great at it. I’d better die first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really know how much my DH’s business is making month to month, and I don’t check our investments at all. But I see the tax return, I guess.

Tax returns show nothing. Ours showed that we had taxable income of $80k last year, for example, but doesn’t show that we have $7+ million in assets.

Yeah but I know what our assets are, I just don’t track his income closely even though it varies a lot.

Anonymous wrote:My dh has no interest. We are wealthy and I retired very young (mid 40s). But he knows who to call about the residential real estate holdings, the commercial real estate estate holdings, the stocks and our notes receivable. He does know where the life insurance policies are. Truthfully we have so much that it wouldn’t really matter if it took him a very long while to figure it out. That said he would probably be finding assets and bank accounts for years.

It’s all very organized in a Dropbox folder but the holdings change constantly.

Lol

Not me but a friend isn’t interested. She just isn’t very smart so defers it all to her DH. I am sure she would learn though if she had to.

My dh has no interest. We are wealthy and I retired very young (mid 40s). But he knows who to call about the residential real estate holdings, the commercial real estate estate holdings, the stocks and our notes receivable. He does know where the life insurance policies are. Truthfully we have so much that it wouldn’t really matter if it took him a very long while to figure it out. That said he would probably be finding assets and bank accounts for years.

It’s all very organized in a Dropbox folder but the holdings change constantly.

Anonymous wrote:Husband is clueless. If I got hit by a bus, we'd be in big trouble (bills wouldn't get paid). Our attitudes toward money is different, and he isn't interested, and I am, so I am the default financiers, for day to day and long-term

This, by choice (he is uninterested and also knows that I am better at this stuff vs him).
I have set up our ongoing finances to be as automated as possible. As long as there’s money still going IN to one account, the important bills will all get paid.

I literally have a binder labeled “In case I am hit by a bus” that lists all of our accounts, passwords, what’s linked to what, etc with very clear instructions to make sure that $x hits this account every month. I figure that will buy him some time to figure stuff out, or, buy me time to recover and get out of the hospital.

My experience is that the spouse in the dark is typically uninterested and anxious about finances. Many would rather be ultra-safe with money than learn about it or risk losing a penny in an investment with more risk but more upside potential. They rely on their trusted spouse to make it work, and if their spouse’s occasionally reported results are good, they grow even more confident that their spouse is a financial genius, which perpetuates their rationale for leaving it to their spouse. It’s a type of psychological compartmentalization that’s successful, until it’s not.