Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:12     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t get along with my Sil and bil but like their kids so I would do it. Plus your kid might resent not knowing his cousins. Have sh handle most of the care so you can study


OP here: how much of this relationship building is my responsibility? SIL did not respond to my texts in the past.

The way I see it, it's my husband's responsibility to build his relationship with his sister and playdates. My DH is a little resentful too. We received zero help from any of them in the early days.

A previous PP called it payback. I guess my frustration is that SIL can't really expect free childcare to be extended from us when she provided zero response or interest when my husband was out of town and I had to go to the ER with mastitis and needed someone to watch my 1 y/o at the time. She can figure it out like we had to.

The relationship between cousins is different and not contingent on one sleepover. SIL hasn't really expressed any interest in developing any kind of a sisterly relationship with me, and I can see why. She has a strong relationship with her family, siblings, and friends. I have a much stronger relationship with my own sister (who albeit, lives 8 hours away), but I do make an effort to see my sister at least one a month and have stayed at her house overnight to help with her kids. I'm happy to start developing better relationships between our kids, but I don't want to just become free childcare to them.


OP. Seriously. You are entitled to feel your feelings. But be honest: you just don't like this chick. You probably don't actually want her watching your kids either.


You are right. I don't. I don't want her watching my son. I tolerate them at birthdays and holidays. I don't want to be the one to work on the relationship and want my husband to take initiative in this area and take over the social aspects between his family.

But, I do understand the importance of the cousins developing a relationship. I am willing to try - but not an overnight sleepover. I still see that as my husbands responsibility to manage relationships with his own family. I tried in the early days but she did not reciprocate the interest and I gave up.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:12     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
You’re totally within your rights to say no, OP, which you did. You can’t control how SIL reacts so don’t worry about it. You did you, she does her. What do you want us to say,
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:11     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t get along with my Sil and bil but like their kids so I would do it. Plus your kid might resent not knowing his cousins. Have sh handle most of the care so you can study


OP here: how much of this relationship building is my responsibility? SIL did not respond to my texts in the past.

The way I see it, it's my husband's responsibility to build his relationship with his sister and playdates. My DH is a little resentful too. We received zero help from any of them in the early days.

A previous PP called it payback. I guess my frustration is that SIL can't really expect free childcare to be extended from us when she provided zero response or interest when my husband was out of town and I had to go to the ER with mastitis and needed someone to watch my 1 y/o at the time. She can figure it out like we had to.

The relationship between cousins is different and not contingent on one sleepover. SIL hasn't really expressed any interest in developing any kind of a sisterly relationship with me, and I can see why. She has a strong relationship with her family, siblings, and friends. I have a much stronger relationship with my own sister (who albeit, lives 8 hours away), but I do make an effort to see my sister at least one a month and have stayed at her house overnight to help with her kids. I'm happy to start developing better relationships between our kids, but I don't want to just become free childcare to them.


You said "they have asked us" to watch the kids, not that she asked you. So sure, it is your husband's responsibility to nurture this relationship, but unless he doesn't live in the house with you I'm missing how he's shirking it and pushing it on you. And this weird "they're going to take advantage of us for free childcare in perpetuity if we do it once" doesn't make much sense given they've had kids for 7 years and you've never watched them, ever, in your own telling.

This is a one off request from one sibling to another. It's not a huge ask. It's not extremely complicated, or risky, or improper because she doesn't text you. You can say no, but for goodness sake: just do that. Each time you try to explain why she's actually a terrible jerk who asks too much it makes less sense.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:11     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know what you should do, and you can definitely say no of course, but...


...if one of them throws up in the middle of the night, you handle it like an adult. While I'd let the parents know, I'd never expect them to come back unless we were actually dealing with a real emergency.

So anyway, you clearly don't want to do this, and that is absolutely fine. But don't use the possibility of illness as the reason. You can handle that.


OP here. I would not mind working on the relationship and getting to know her kids better, I'd actually be happy to take the kids out for ice cream or a playdate or something.

But, that's on my DH to develop that relationship with his sister and get the kids together. I don't think SIL likes me, she is very friendly to my face but any texts I sent to get the kids together went unanswered.


You are selfish.


I know this disorder is mentioned a lot on these boards, but actually it feels like OP has some anxiety due to high-functioning autism (rigidity, worries about future low-risk events, confusion and resentment over previous very feeble attempts to socialize, inability to move past long-standing grudge). Total armchair diagnosis. I have a lot of relatives like this, but I could be wildly off the mark, obviously. My apologies if I am. If I'm not, OP needs to understand her child DOES need socialization and friendship with peers, even if that makes her uncomfortable, and even if she gets rebuffed a lot.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:10     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
You don't seem to like kids, so just say no. And no need to tell us the backstory about MIL formerly watching the kids for free and having to downsize, etc. It just makes you look like a whiny harpy.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:09     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t get along with my Sil and bil but like their kids so I would do it. Plus your kid might resent not knowing his cousins. Have sh handle most of the care so you can study


OP here: how much of this relationship building is my responsibility? SIL did not respond to my texts in the past.

The way I see it, it's my husband's responsibility to build his relationship with his sister and playdates. My DH is a little resentful too. We received zero help from any of them in the early days.

A previous PP called it payback. I guess my frustration is that SIL can't really expect free childcare to be extended from us when she provided zero response or interest when my husband was out of town and I had to go to the ER with mastitis and needed someone to watch my 1 y/o at the time. She can figure it out like we had to.

The relationship between cousins is different and not contingent on one sleepover. SIL hasn't really expressed any interest in developing any kind of a sisterly relationship with me, and I can see why. She has a strong relationship with her family, siblings, and friends. I have a much stronger relationship with my own sister (who albeit, lives 8 hours away), but I do make an effort to see my sister at least one a month and have stayed at her house overnight to help with her kids. I'm happy to start developing better relationships between our kids, but I don't want to just become free childcare to them.


OP. Seriously. You are entitled to feel your feelings. But be honest: you just don't like this chick. You probably don't actually want her watching your kids either.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:09     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know what you should do, and you can definitely say no of course, but...


...if one of them throws up in the middle of the night, you handle it like an adult. While I'd let the parents know, I'd never expect them to come back unless we were actually dealing with a real emergency.

So anyway, you clearly don't want to do this, and that is absolutely fine. But don't use the possibility of illness as the reason. You can handle that.


OP here. I would not mind working on the relationship and getting to know her kids better, I'd actually be happy to take the kids out for ice cream or a playdate or something.

But, that's on my DH to develop that relationship with his sister and get the kids together. I don't think SIL likes me, she is very friendly to my face but any texts I sent to get the kids together went unanswered.


You are selfish.


How?! Because I don't want to provide free childcare to my SIL?


Then just say no. You obviously hate her and despise her children. Why didn't you just laugh in her face and tell her "Never!" when she asked? It sounds like there's a snowballs chance in hell you would do this so what are you looking for here?
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:08     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know what you should do, and you can definitely say no of course, but...


...if one of them throws up in the middle of the night, you handle it like an adult. While I'd let the parents know, I'd never expect them to come back unless we were actually dealing with a real emergency.

So anyway, you clearly don't want to do this, and that is absolutely fine. But don't use the possibility of illness as the reason. You can handle that.


OP here. I would not mind working on the relationship and getting to know her kids better, I'd actually be happy to take the kids out for ice cream or a playdate or something.

But, that's on my DH to develop that relationship with his sister and get the kids together. I don't think SIL likes me, she is very friendly to my face but any texts I sent to get the kids together went unanswered.


You are selfish.


How?! Because I don't want to provide free childcare to my SIL?
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:07     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Why is this a 24 hour thing? Is it out of town? Why can't they drop the kids off late in the day and pick up in the morning?
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:07     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:I don’t get along with my Sil and bil but like their kids so I would do it. Plus your kid might resent not knowing his cousins. Have sh handle most of the care so you can study


OP here: how much of this relationship building is my responsibility? SIL did not respond to my texts in the past.

The way I see it, it's my husband's responsibility to build his relationship with his sister and playdates. My DH is a little resentful too. We received zero help from any of them in the early days.

A previous PP called it payback. I guess my frustration is that SIL can't really expect free childcare to be extended from us when she provided zero response or interest when my husband was out of town and I had to go to the ER with mastitis and needed someone to watch my 1 y/o at the time. She can figure it out like we had to.

The relationship between cousins is different and not contingent on one sleepover. SIL hasn't really expressed any interest in developing any kind of a sisterly relationship with me, and I can see why. She has a strong relationship with her family, siblings, and friends. I have a much stronger relationship with my own sister (who albeit, lives 8 hours away), but I do make an effort to see my sister at least one a month and have stayed at her house overnight to help with her kids. I'm happy to start developing better relationships between our kids, but I don't want to just become free childcare to them.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:06     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know what you should do, and you can definitely say no of course, but...


...if one of them throws up in the middle of the night, you handle it like an adult. While I'd let the parents know, I'd never expect them to come back unless we were actually dealing with a real emergency.

So anyway, you clearly don't want to do this, and that is absolutely fine. But don't use the possibility of illness as the reason. You can handle that.


OP here. I would not mind working on the relationship and getting to know her kids better, I'd actually be happy to take the kids out for ice cream or a playdate or something.

But, that's on my DH to develop that relationship with his sister and get the kids together. I don't think SIL likes me, she is very friendly to my face but any texts I sent to get the kids together went unanswered.


You are selfish.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:04     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Your whole yip yaw about the totally side issue of childcare showed your true, resentful colors.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 14:01     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
I don’t get along with my Sil and bil but like their kids so I would do it. Plus your kid might resent not knowing his cousins. Have sh handle most of the care so you can study
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 13:58     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
I’d use the exact same excuse SIL used to decline babysitting your kids, and leave it at that so she sees there’s such thing as karma.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 13:57     Subject: SIL asked us to take her kids overnight
Ha! My husband's cousin asked us to watch her one year old for a whole WEEK while she and her husband went on vacation. We've spent maybe a total of 5 hours with the kid in his entire life. That was a big, fat no.

Your situation though...I'd probably do it just this once. Obviously you're under no obligation though.