Anonymous wrote:I'm firmly one and done with a 3yo. I will never have another. Don't stress your marriage because of a biological urge that we all get from time to time.

THIS! If you're asking people whether to have a 2nd kid, don't. Do so only if you have a true burning desire to.

Go for it mama!

I would not. Close the door.

I never had issues conceiving. 36, conceived immediately #3.

Lost the baby at 15 weeks. Then lost 4 more. Two years later at 38 we've been through the ringer, still no baby.

It's the death rattle of your last egg. Ignore it.

Volunteer or foster kids or dogs.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Period was a little late and it caused sheer panic.

I like the idea of another baby. I like that our lives are in a place where we can comfortably afford another baby. I like it as a thought experiment and option...it nice to be stable and resourced in all the ways that make considering another baby reasonable.

But I don't actually want another baby. I'll get DH and expensive puppy and he'll be fine.

I’m glad you had your closure (and not a panic-inducing pregnancy), OP! Enjoy your new puppy. 😝

OP here.

Period was a little late and it caused sheer panic.

I like the idea of another baby. I like that our lives are in a place where we can comfortably afford another baby. I like it as a thought experiment and option...it nice to be stable and resourced in all the ways that make considering another baby reasonable.

But I don't actually want another baby. I'll get DH and expensive puppy and he'll be fine.

From your post it sounds like you want a second, and think you might regret it if you miss the chance. So given everything you wrote, I'd say go for it.

I have two after thinking I'd never have another due to a complicated first birth. I'm SO glad I went ahead and had another despite my fears. Best decision ever. The second baby has been easier in every way than the first and watching the two of them play together is the most heart-meltingly beautiful thing.

If you have to ask, the answer is a resounding no. Even before you listed all the red flags in your post.

Anonymous wrote:I think the key is the PPD/PPA and the rough patch in your marriage during #1. I had horrible PPD and definitely couldn't do it again. Not sure if your rough patch was parenting stress related, but we had a very very rough patch when our DS was 3-4ish and we couldn't risk that again. And as others have said, I think about starting over again (diapers, sleep training, potty training, strollers) and just can't imagine it.

YMMV, but I love that we're getting to a point where we can eat out as a family, fairly easily travel, etc. If it were me, I'd take that financial stability and give your kid a travel-filled childhood.

This is an underrated pro of one-and-done and so is a low-stress marriage. OP, take the peace that this small-family life has given you.

I have a 3 year old and all my friends are on to their second (or third!) since we had our first at the same time. I feel a twinge of jealousy but I know I couldnt do another for a lot of the reasons you list OP. I wonder if it’s the same for you seeing friends having new babies.

In my opinion, if you have to ask on DCUM it means you don’t really want a second child. Enjoy your daughter and don’t keep perseverating on this.

I have a 7yo, 2yo, and infant. We had such a better experience with our younger two…more financially secure, more confident parenting, etc. The 7yo dotes on her siblings, and they adore her. The littles are used to napping on the go, getting popped in the baby carrier as we go from event to event for our oldest, but it’s no big deal. I say go for it (and we had our 3rd at 37).

Anonymous wrote:I think the key is the PPD/PPA and the rough patch in your marriage during #1. I had horrible PPD and definitely couldn't do it again. Not sure if your rough patch was parenting stress related, but we had a very very rough patch when our DS was 3-4ish and we couldn't risk that again. And as others have said, I think about starting over again (diapers, sleep training, potty training, strollers) and just can't imagine it.

YMMV, but I love that we're getting to a point where we can eat out as a family, fairly easily travel, etc. If it were me, I'd take that financial stability and give your kid a travel-filled childhood.

I think this is a big concern. I had two (close together so I can’t really speak to your situation) and I was never in doubt I wanted a second and I still found the re-adjustment to no personal time/constantly sleep deprived after only two years way rougher than I had expected. I think if transitioning from 0 to 1 kid put a big strain on your marriage and mental health I would be super hesitant to try the transition from 1 to 2. But only you know the details of those issues! And I really don’t regret my two so I’m not going to tell you having siblings is bad; just think long and hard about how stable your current happy outlook on life is.

I had horrible numbers at 41 and got pregnant second month trying with first. My sister had two children naturally at 42 and 43. There is a genetic component to fertility - but also a cruel randomness. We knew our limits and stopped at 1. Very happy. Have to be more intentional about developing rooted friendships and extended family.