[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would love for some insight into this issue. I have an only child (age 7) who has been invited to very few (like 2) playdates over the last three years of school. We have invited her friends many times to our house or to meet up at parks, etc. We never meet up with any of her friends unless I initiate and plan the playdate, their moms never reach out to us or invite us. I believe this is because all her friends have either younger or older siblings.

When we meet up with her friends who have siblings, the mom always brings the sibling to the playdate, even if they're different gender and much older. So for instance, last month we went to the zoo with her same aged friend and the friend's older brother, who was 12 and very bored and complaining the whole time. The mom even mentioned that Dad was home at that time, so I'm thinking why didn't she just leave him with Dad instead of bringing him to this outing when of course he would be bored?

The friends who have younger siblings always come to the playdates, even though the moms don't even ask if that's okay and it [b]annoys my child to have younger siblings trying to play with her and her friend when they want time together[/b].

[/quote]

Maybe your daughters lack of social graces and kindness is why you are not being invited. I definitely would be less inclined to invite a child who couldn't play well with both of my kids, or expected to exclude one of them. It makes it more of a hassle for me, because it doesn't keep both my kids out of my hair. And it doesn't set an example of kindness and good social skills. I think your expectations are way out of whack here, OP. [/quote]

+1 I’d worry more about my kid being unable to get along vs trying to make the world more accommodating to my kid.

And I say this as an only child myself—you’re not doing your kid any favors by aggravating their only child syndrome.

I’m the mom of an only so I have some perspective. I understand why you are annoyed. I am usually the mom initiating the play date. My son’s friends all have siblings that they play with fairly often so play dates aren’t as much of a priority.

I try to be accommodating and understanding. I have one friend whose husband works many weekends so she is with all 3 kids by herself. I will make an extra effort to go pick up her son, who is my son’s friend so she can have one on one time with her middle child while the baby is napping. I have an extra car seat in my car so I can take a friend with my son on an excursion.

We don’t receive the reciprocation I would like but the alternative is lots of loneliness for my social kid. It is possible that I am a sucker but I will make that sacrifice for the good of my kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to host the other kid and not arrange to also have the other mom there.

This. I totally get not wanting to host younger siblings but no, I’m not going to bend over backwards to have a playdate with you/find childcare for my other kids so I can sit in your house and watch one of my kids play. And if we are meeting in a public place like the zoo/a park, of course I’m bringing my other kids!

This. If I have to find a playdate for the same time slot, that's extra work for me. No thanks. I'll stick to kids and parents who are more flexible and low-maintenance.

I have one 7 year old also. Yes, we initiate most play dates. Offer to take the friend, don’t offer a meet up like at a playground or the zoo. Take a kid off their hands, and offer to pick up if that’s feasible. “We’re going to the zoo/pool/whatever and would love to bring Larla. Can we pick her up and drop her off later around 5:00?” Parents of one child just have more bandwidth and if you can take one kid off their hands for a few hours without it taking effort on their part, most parents are happy to say yes (schedule permitting).

Also note that at age 7, parents with a 7 year old and younger kids are often still in little kid parenting mode (supervised play dates, family outings, etc). Parents with older kids are more likely to be beyond that and happy to have someone shuttle their kid around without them.

Anonymous wrote:I would love for some insight into this issue. I have an only child (age 7) who has been invited to very few (like 2) playdates over the last three years of school. We have invited her friends many times to our house or to meet up at parks, etc. We never meet up with any of her friends unless I initiate and plan the playdate, their moms never reach out to us or invite us. I believe this is because all her friends have either younger or older siblings.

When we meet up with her friends who have siblings, the mom always brings the sibling to the playdate, even if they're different gender and much older. So for instance, last month we went to the zoo with her same aged friend and the friend's older brother, who was 12 and very bored and complaining the whole time. The mom even mentioned that Dad was home at that time, so I'm thinking why didn't she just leave him with Dad instead of bringing him to this outing when of course he would be bored?

The friends who have younger siblings always come to the playdates, even though the moms don't even ask if that's okay and it annoys my child to have younger siblings trying to play with her and her friend when they want time together.

Maybe your daughters lack of social graces and kindness is why you are not being invited. I definitely would be less inclined to invite a child who couldn't play well with both of my kids, or expected to exclude one of them. It makes it more of a hassle for me, because it doesn't keep both my kids out of my hair. And it doesn't set an example of kindness and good social skills. I think your expectations are way out of whack here, OP.

Anonymous wrote:You have to host the other kid and not arrange to also have the other mom there.

This. I totally get not wanting to host younger siblings but no, I’m not going to bend over backwards to have a playdate with you/find childcare for my other kids so I can sit in your house and watch one of my kids play. And if we are meeting in a public place like the zoo/a park, of course I’m bringing my other kids!

It kind of seems like you want these other families to operate in a vacuum as if their other kid didn't exist. Who cares that the reason they now have time to hang out is bc the other kid is at camp? Would it bother you if the reason was bc their spring sports obligation ended and now wknds are more free so they can hang out?

I wouldn't bring a sibling without an advance invite, but it wouldn't occur to me to exclude one of my own children in our home. That's really weird to me, honestly. I will separate or distract the kids if they are fighting, but there's no reason they can't play together in general. What bad do you think could happen? Often times my kids know a sibling pair from camp or multi-age aftercare or something, and they enjoy both as friends.

I wouldn't bring a sib over to someone else's house uninvited. To me a playground etc is less of a big deal. You seem to buy putting a lot of formality on these playdates.

You have to host the other kid and not arrange to also have the other mom there.

Anonymous wrote:OP, they could arrange other plans for their other child, but frankly it is not a priority to them. Or they had plans but the plans fell through, or the other child needs to be there for logistical reasons.

Not everyone really cares about playdates at all. My kids (girls 7 and 10) play together and play with friends at school and aftercare, so playdates aren't a high priority for us. I would never bring a sibling to a playdate uninvited, but they play as a group when we are hosting if they want to. It's odd to me that you didn't do that as a child. Playing across age differences is a social skill and you might try to consider that a positive thing for your daughter to experience.

Soon kids will be in activities and less available for playdates, so this "problem" will fade.

+1 - same aged girls, same exact situation. My 10 year old had three friends over for her birthday a couple weeks ago and my 7 year old was part of the group. Regarding playing across age differences - I think aftercare has actually helped with this skill a lot, they are always playing/doing activities in small multi-aged groups.

At this age, you should be doing drop off playdates. I'm happy to have a friend come over to play with one kid when the other one has another activity or playdate. We very rarely do family outings with another family unless they are a long-time friend.

OP, they could arrange other plans for their other child, but frankly it is not a priority to them. Or they had plans but the plans fell through, or the other child needs to be there for logistical reasons.

Not everyone really cares about playdates at all. My kids (girls 7 and 10) play together and play with friends at school and aftercare, so playdates aren't a high priority for us. I would never bring a sibling to a playdate uninvited, but they play as a group when we are hosting if they want to. It's odd to me that you didn't do that as a child. Playing across age differences is a social skill and you might try to consider that a positive thing for your daughter to experience.

Soon kids will be in activities and less available for playdates, so this "problem" will fade.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to play with my sibling’s friends. I can totally understand the parents who bring along the other sibling. Especially if both parents work - it gives the other person some time off. I say this as the stay at home parent of an only child.

+1

The point is for the two kids to play together, not to give mom a free babysitter.

Except the mom is clearly staying with OP given that she suggests other kid be left with dad rather than staying with mom after drop off.

This is why I almost never initiate playdates. I have 3 and it's impossible to line up 3 simultaneous playdates so no one is left out. If one child has a friend over I will never hear the end of it about how bored one of the other kids is. Usually this is between my 2 youngest who play very well together on their own. It's not worth the hassle so we just don't initiate play dates very often or at all. They aren't bored since they have each other.