Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 16:29     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:Your DH seems to have very specific opinions considering he isn't the one who is doing all the prep work.

My vote is for:
--charcuterie for the picnic
--prepared sandwiches for the boat

But what trumps all is what you want/what is easier for you, since you are doing all the prep work. Even if that is <gasp> two of the exact same charcuterie boards.


This
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 16:28     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.


He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.


Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.


Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.


Things my DH would never say to me. Sorry OP but you allow this behavior so just do what he tells you to do!


Op here... this isn't a demand! Haven't you ever had a craving for something specifc and decided that's what was going to be for dinner (or tomorrow's dinner if it's too late in the day)? It's like if I saw a commercial for a new restaurant and mentioned to DH that I want to go there and try it out.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 16:26     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.


He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.


Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.


Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.


NP here, and no, your husband is an asshole. He could be a good host if he put any effort into it. And a cook? You're assembling cheese and fruit and sandwiches. That's not even involving an oven or multiple courses. Haven't you heard of weaponized incompetence?
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 16:26     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.


He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.


Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.


Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.


If he’s not a good cook or host then his input should be limited to expressing gratitude for you doing the majority of the labor/offering to assist where he can. The fact that he is incompetent in this arena and yet allegedly requesting that you bake 5 types of bread/hand arrange the charcuterie per his preference is ludicrous and I’m sorry you can’t see that. I’m assuming he compensates by bringing in tons of money but it’s still sad that he’s treating you like the help.


He gets very anxious. It's not meant as a control thing but he gets anxiety about "omg, what if someone wants ___ type of bread and we don't have it???". Usually he realizes that we can't have every food item available and no one expects us to do so. He gets like that about wine/beer/champagne as well. Recently we had a dinner party and he bought 20 bottles of wine because he wanted to make sure any/every taste was accommodated. Of course, people just chose white or red and that was that. So we have 15 bottles of leftover wine. It's something he works on in therapy.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 16:25     Subject: Re:Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So many questions. But first ... is he always like this?

Now that I see that you're having dinner at a marina after the boat ride, I'll say sandwiches for the concert and charcuterie for the boat.


Typically he makes his requests known and I do my best to make them happen. When friends are in town, he especially wants things to go without issues because they are here for a short vacation.


Ok, at this point it’s clear you’re just trolling us.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 16:23     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.


He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.


Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.


Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.


Things my DH would never say to me. Sorry OP but you allow this behavior so just do what he tells you to do!
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 16:22     Subject: Re:Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:So many questions. But first ... is he always like this?

Now that I see that you're having dinner at a marina after the boat ride, I'll say sandwiches for the concert and charcuterie for the boat.


Typically he makes his requests known and I do my best to make them happen. When friends are in town, he especially wants things to go without issues because they are here for a short vacation.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 16:20     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My only comment is that not everyone is ok with mayo based salad sandwiches- id not do all three, instead offer Turkey or something else with one of these (egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad ).


Op here,

Thanks for the advice!

The sandwich options would be those three plus regular turkey/ham/cheese options. I just mentioned the salad based ones since I would be prepping those in advance (day before). Additionally, I think I’m only going to do two bread options to make it easier. Since I bake bread, DH was hoping for a selection of about 4 or 5 different breads. I’m going to just do sourdough and whole grain sandwich loaves.


How many people are you feeding? Unless you are feeding 20 people (and even then probably still), I’d offer only three sandwich options with one of them vegetarian. You are making this too complicated and your husband even more so.


12 people total including us. 6 couples, no kids luckily so that makes it easy. Believe you me, I have cut down the number of sandwich options. My husband suggested we use the panini press to make hot sandwiches but I said it might be hard to keep them warm by the time we get to the event, so that nixed about 3 sandwich varieties off the menu.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 16:18     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.


He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.


Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.


Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.


If he’s not a good cook or host then his input should be limited to expressing gratitude for you doing the majority of the labor/offering to assist where he can. The fact that he is incompetent in this arena and yet allegedly requesting that you bake 5 types of bread/hand arrange the charcuterie per his preference is ludicrous and I’m sorry you can’t see that. I’m assuming he compensates by bringing in tons of money but it’s still sad that he’s treating you like the help.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 16:14     Subject: Re:Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
So many questions. But first ... is he always like this?

Now that I see that you're having dinner at a marina after the boat ride, I'll say sandwiches for the concert and charcuterie for the boat.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 15:58     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My only comment is that not everyone is ok with mayo based salad sandwiches- id not do all three, instead offer Turkey or something else with one of these (egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad ).


Op here,

Thanks for the advice!

The sandwich options would be those three plus regular turkey/ham/cheese options. I just mentioned the salad based ones since I would be prepping those in advance (day before). Additionally, I think I’m only going to do two bread options to make it easier. Since I bake bread, DH was hoping for a selection of about 4 or 5 different breads. I’m going to just do sourdough and whole grain sandwich loaves.


How many people are you feeding? Unless you are feeding 20 people (and even then probably still), I’d offer only three sandwich options with one of them vegetarian. You are making this too complicated and your husband even more so.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 15:58     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.


He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.


Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.


Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.


Your entire post was about HIS preferences for the food and the timing. His requests are more appropriate to a catering order, as is the dinner order he placed with you the other day.

As for the "skills" in question, you are talking about making sandwiches and arranging things that other people cut up on some trays. He clearly has preferences about what to get, and my kindergartner could arrange pre-sliced meats and cheese and packaged items on a charcuterie tray. So far the only "skills" you are really describing are making mayo-based sandwich salads, which again, doesn't take skill.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 15:55     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Sorry, but you're not seeing the level of micromanaging your DH imposes as a problem. It's one thing to make one's preferences known, it's another to dictate a level of prep that makes you feel the need to crowdsource meal planning.

DH can state his preferences, but the cook decides what is served.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 15:51     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.


He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.


Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.


Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2023 15:46     Subject: Help me plan food logistics of this 3 day visit
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My only comment is that not everyone is ok with mayo based salad sandwiches- id not do all three, instead offer Turkey or something else with one of these (egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad ).


I was going to say the same thing.

Are these people staying with you? I would put out a selection and ask people to make themselves sandwich(es) before you go.

I'm having trouble knowing what kind of event and what kind of boat. In my mind, the boat is more sitting around talking, while an event would be walking around and then stopping to eat, so I'd do charcuterie on the boat and sandwiches at the event. But if the event is something that involves sitting around, like lawn seats at Wolf Trap, or the boat is something where you'd be busy, like canoeing, then I'd say the opposite.

Whatever you do, DH needs to change his ratio of opinions to effort.


Yes, 4 couples are staying with us. One couple is staying in an air bnb because they brought their kids and nanny and want more space (than just 1-2 rooms) to spread out.

The event is an outdoor performance. We will be seated on picnic blankets in the grass. The boat is a small/midsize one. There is an interior and cooking area but I'd rather not spend the day preparing food. I'd like to just bring something cold that can accompany wine/champagne/seltzers. We will be going to a restaurant at the marina for dinner so I'm not worried about everyone being super hungry.