Anonymous
06/21/2023 10:54
Subject: Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:I am father of a 3 yr old and and my wife is expecting again. It just occured to me that I am seeing a lot more fathers at the playground and other kids events. I took my kid to a random park and it was mostly fathers for example. Not a bad thing really. I thought fathers traditionally are not as involved as mothers were. Are times changing? Or is this area specific? Or is this a fluke and there is some selection bias involved? What are your experiences?
Did you just wake up from 1950?
Anonymous
06/21/2023 10:38
Subject: Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Moms are too busy doing FB, DCUM, and whatnot
Nah; they are too busy being breadwinners for their lazy, unambiguous husbands.
Man hater
Anonymous
06/21/2023 10:17
Subject: Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Moms are too busy doing FB, DCUM, and whatnot
Nah; they are too busy being breadwinners for their lazy, unambiguous husbands.
Hey! My husband is totally ambiguous. How dare you imply otherwise!
Anonymous
06/21/2023 10:10
Subject: Re:Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:My kids are 8 and 6. I see more and more involved dads as time goes on. I still mostly see moms. But it does seem like the percentage of dads taking their kids places is increasing. I think it’s a combination of more parents remote working/being home more and more moms having more demanding careers and also a lot of divorced or never married parents who take turns w custody. But I also think people in general tend to notice more when a dad is out with kids than when a mom is. You don’t see all the moms because you’re on the lookout for dads.
It also has to do w when you go. In the evenings and weekends? A lot of dads tend to be out w kids. During the weekdays, it’s typically more moms and grandparents and other caregivers.
But don’t base involvement over who takes kids to the playground only. Who takes kids to the Dr? Who is volunteering at school? Who is attending PTA meetings? Who is the one who sends you their bday party invite or RSVPs to your kid’s party? Who do you contact to schedule play dates? In my experience all those things I just listed are 99/100 moms/female caregivers.
This is a good take. My DH likes taking the kids to the playground specifically because it's a fairly passive activity most of the time. They play with each other or with other kids, he stands nearby and looks at his phone or reads a book. He likes being outside. Also, as a dad, I think the social experience at the playground is better. Moms there have no expectation that he will be friendly or talk to them (though if I went, some moms would expect this of me), and if there are other dads there, men tend to have lower social expectations of each other generally. So playground time is basically a break for him.
Also, unless it's my birthday or mothers day, if my DH is at the playground with our kids, I am generally (1) working, (2) sick, (3) cleaning. Or doing a one-off activity like decorating for a birthday party or packing for a trip or something. Other than on my birthday, I can't think of a situation where my DH taking the kids to the playground resulted in me getting to relax or sleep or just do something for me.
Anonymous
06/21/2023 10:08
Subject: Dads at the playground
I moved here from ohio and it is for me a different culture here as i do see more dads here than where i was from
Anonymous
06/21/2023 09:58
Subject: Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:Moms are too busy doing FB, DCUM, and whatnot
Nah; they are too busy being breadwinners for their lazy, unambiguous husbands.
Anonymous
06/21/2023 09:35
Subject: Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Then what's up with all the "I do 99% of work" posts by moms here?
My DH is good about spending time with the kids. He's not so good at making dr/dentist appointments, planning for summer camps and vacations, laundry, grocery shopping, general cleaning, remembering when the kids need to bring something to school, birthday parties, buying gifts, etc.
Don't confuse being an engaged parent with being an equal partner.
Is there anything you are not good at? Sounds like your DH is terrible at just about everything.
Anonymous
06/21/2023 09:20
Subject: Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:My experience is that it varies a lot by family and time. Eg in my neighborhood Sunday afternoons I’m often the only mom at the playground. Not sure if it’s a formal meet up or just coincidence but there’s a crowd of dads out with their toddlers. I love to see it! I also know a couple families where they use fair play to break down responsibilities and the dads are in charge or exercise/activities so I almost always see them at the playground and almost never the moms. And then I know couples (usually with onlies) who prefer to travel as a unit so I always see dad and mom at the playground.
I think it’s really nice to see a diversity of caregivers at the playground as it means people can choose the options that work for them and not feel like they’re excluded or standing out too much. I also see nannies, grandparents, non-straight couples, extended families travelling as a crowd, etc.
Also neighborhood. When I lived on the UES of NYC, it was truly only nannies and moms. I barely ever saw dads at my local neighborhood playground. Moved to the UWS... dads galore. So many dads at the baby gymnastics class too. Kinda funny looking back on it.
Anonymous
06/21/2023 09:17
Subject: Re:Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My kids are 8 and 6. I see more and more involved dads as time goes on. I still mostly see moms. But it does seem like the percentage of dads taking their kids places is increasing. I think it’s a combination of more parents remote working/being home more and more moms having more demanding careers and also a lot of divorced or never married parents who take turns w custody. But I also think people in general tend to notice more when a dad is out with kids than when a mom is. You don’t see all the moms because you’re on the lookout for dads.
It also has to do w when you go. In the evenings and weekends? A lot of dads tend to be out w kids. During the weekdays, it’s typically more moms and grandparents and other caregivers.
But don’t base involvement over who takes kids to the playground only. Who takes kids to the Dr? Who is volunteering at school? Who is attending PTA meetings? Who is the one who sends you their bday party invite or RSVPs to your kid’s party? Who do you contact to schedule play dates? In my experience all those things I just listed are 99/100 moms/female caregivers.
Stupid take
Which part is stupid?
Anonymous
06/21/2023 09:14
Subject: Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:Then what's up with all the "I do 99% of work" posts by moms here?
My DH is good about spending time with the kids. He's not so good at making dr/dentist appointments, planning for summer camps and vacations, laundry, grocery shopping, general cleaning, remembering when the kids need to bring something to school, birthday parties, buying gifts, etc.
Don't confuse being an engaged parent with being an equal partner.
Anonymous
06/21/2023 09:13
Subject: Re:Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:My kids are 8 and 6. I see more and more involved dads as time goes on. I still mostly see moms. But it does seem like the percentage of dads taking their kids places is increasing. I think it’s a combination of more parents remote working/being home more and more moms having more demanding careers and also a lot of divorced or never married parents who take turns w custody. But I also think people in general tend to notice more when a dad is out with kids than when a mom is. You don’t see all the moms because you’re on the lookout for dads.
It also has to do w when you go. In the evenings and weekends? A lot of dads tend to be out w kids. During the weekdays, it’s typically more moms and grandparents and other caregivers.
But don’t base involvement over who takes kids to the playground only. Who takes kids to the Dr? Who is volunteering at school? Who is attending PTA meetings? Who is the one who sends you their bday party invite or RSVPs to your kid’s party? Who do you contact to schedule play dates? In my experience all those things I just listed are 99/100 moms/female caregivers.
Stupid take
Anonymous
06/21/2023 09:09
Subject: Re:Dads at the playground
My kids are 8 and 6. I see more and more involved dads as time goes on. I still mostly see moms. But it does seem like the percentage of dads taking their kids places is increasing. I think it’s a combination of more parents remote working/being home more and more moms having more demanding careers and also a lot of divorced or never married parents who take turns w custody. But I also think people in general tend to notice more when a dad is out with kids than when a mom is. You don’t see all the moms because you’re on the lookout for dads.
It also has to do w when you go. In the evenings and weekends? A lot of dads tend to be out w kids. During the weekdays, it’s typically more moms and grandparents and other caregivers.
But don’t base involvement over who takes kids to the playground only. Who takes kids to the Dr? Who is volunteering at school? Who is attending PTA meetings? Who is the one who sends you their bday party invite or RSVPs to your kid’s party? Who do you contact to schedule play dates? In my experience all those things I just listed are 99/100 moms/female caregivers.
It also has to do w when you go. In the evenings and weekends? A lot of dads tend to be out w kids. During the weekdays, it’s typically more moms and grandparents and other caregivers.
But don’t base involvement over who takes kids to the playground only. Who takes kids to the Dr? Who is volunteering at school? Who is attending PTA meetings? Who is the one who sends you their bday party invite or RSVPs to your kid’s party? Who do you contact to schedule play dates? In my experience all those things I just listed are 99/100 moms/female caregivers.
Anonymous
06/21/2023 08:50
Subject: Dads at the playground
I see nasty moms showed up
Anonymous
06/21/2023 08:48
Subject: Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:Or it’s the divorced dads taking their kids to the park when they have them under their custody agreement.
1 night a week.
OP, do some reading. Please. Taking your kid to the playground is NOT heroic fatherhood. It's basic meeting of needs. If you seem to think this garners you an A+, you are absolutely going to be behind the ball once baby #2 arrives. Fair Play by Eve Rodsky is a good place to start.
Anonymous
06/21/2023 08:42
Subject: Dads at the playground
Anonymous wrote:Then what's up with all the "I do 99% of work" posts by moms here?
Dad does his 1% contribution by taking kid to the playground. Then he taps out for the rest of the day.