Anonymous wrote:Thanks for sharing. These are important considerations and a lot of people aren’t thinking about the possible long term consequences of always being the youngest

I stated earlier.. hindsight is 20/20.

You have no idea when the child will mature when he is 4 or 5. We don't have crystal balls as parents.

I have a June bday boy. He will turn 18 after he graduates HS. We knew early on that he was very smart. He took all the advanced math classes possible in every school he was at, and went into a magnet program.

Yes, he is young compared to his friends, and it didn't help that he was a late bloomer to boot. I once asked him if maybe we should've redshirted him given the challenges he faced socially, and he said, "Nope... I was already bored in school. If you had held me back it would've been worse, and I would've probably acted out a lot more in school."

So, again, hindsight is 20/20. Don't beat yourself up over a decision you made for your kid when he was 4 or 5.

Correlation is not causation. It is just as likely that your son would have "failed" in all of the same ways even had he been redshirted.

My son took calculus in middle school

Anonymous wrote:The purpose is this post...

Another example is that he failed Pre-Calculus his junior year, and had to retake it his senior year, meaning he graduated high school with no knowledge of Calculus. Whenever he got together with his friends to study during his senior year, he had to endure the shame of pulling out his Pre-Calculus textbook while all his friends pulled out their Calculus(and in some cases, Multivariable Calculus) textbooks....

LO-freaking-L, in my area schools there are mathematically talented freshman and sophomores taking calculus. You're acting like your son was the youngest person ever to have attempted to take pre-calc.

Face the music. He's just not very good at academics.

Sounds like you give your son a handmade excuse for every failure. It's not your fault you didn't study for your math test; mommy didn't consider how lazy you'd be 11 years ago when she shipped you to Kindy!

Going to school on time is not why he took an extra year to graduate college. Possibly being raised by parents who told him, "it's not your fault, you're 3 months younger than your BFF how can you be held to the same standard??!" is the reason, though.

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. Because of where we lived at the time, ours started kindergarten at 4 despite turning 5 in late November, and never had any problems. This sounds specific to your son, not all boys born at the same time.

+1

This depends on the cut off of the district. Most states have a cut-off that coincides or is very close to the start of the school year, so kids who enter when they are technically 4 years old turn 5 soon after. States that have cut offs after September are in the minority nationwide.

My older kid started K at 4 (despite being born a week after the cutoff, so technically we accelerated her) and college at 17. She had a 4.0+ GPA in Honors and AP classes in HS, has been on the Dean’s List all four semesters of college so far and is on track to graduate a semester early.

Your “long term consequences “, OP, are more about your individual child and his development than a blanket statement about redshirting or not.

Anonymous wrote:Uh yeah turning four in October to December of kindergarten is really young. Holding him back wouldn’t have been red shirting him. It would have been sending him on time. You sent him early, unless you live in NYC or something

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is august birthday or earlier

No, redshirting is holding a child back even if they qualify for entrance per the applicable cutoff.

Anonymous wrote:You must not live in the dmv because with a Nov birthday he wouldn’t have we started anywhere around here.
If you live in another state where Dec is the cut off(?) he wouldn’t have been the youngest, there would be other Oct Nov Dec birthdays too.

Our now-26yo started in MCPS when the cutoff was 12/31 and kids could start kindergarten at four. He has an early December birthday and we held him back and have never once regretted it.

I started kindergarten at four (November birthday). I was fine academically, but socially immature. My social deficits followed me and had more of an impact on my schooling than a year of delayed academics would have, I think. But who knows. If I could choose from my past self, I would have been redshirted.

Anonymous wrote:Is it your son or you who feels shame?

(It’s odd for a college student to feel shame about a Facebook group post. Most aren’t even on Facebook)

I was thinking the same thing. He's probably doing the best he can and feels these intense feelings because you are oozing judgment. Projection is when you are thinking or feeling a certain way about something, usually negative, and then you accuse someone else of those thoughts and feelings. In your case, you feel shame about his achievements, and it distresses you. In turn, you are saying your son is feeling shame and is distressed, when in reality, you are doing classic projection.

Life is a marathon, not a race. Are you still going to be this way when other people's kids have milestones? Are you going to be hounding him about settling down and giving you grandkids?

I started kindergarten at 4, turned 5 in November, and was in advanced math in high school and college (comp sci major so a lot of math). This sounds specific to your son. I'm sorry he is having a tough time.

At some point in his life, your kid would have to learn that he isn't the best at everything--and he doesn't appear to be a standout in music, math, or college. It's not bad to learn that in high school. Most people aren't standouts in anything, but there are things they are decent at and enjoy. Maybe focus on those and stop regretting a choice you made 20 years ago.

This is so fake and you write in a really stilted way. Are you a native speaker?

Sounds like your kid needed extra help and tutoring and instead of helping him, you're blaming it on immaturity.

Like many things, though, it seems like some of this could be addressed via parenting and outlook. Especially being not ready for college. Gap years have become very common and are not looked down upon by colleges; depending on the application cycle, it could be to your advantage.

I also don't assume that being younger would automatically mean failing classes, especially if you are in a school system that tracks. You may be less likely to be placed on an advanced track, but there is not reason for being younger than classmates to mean you are going to fail math classes in high school. As a parent, you need to advocate for your child to be in the right class. I question how your son got to the point where he was failing math and having to retake it -- I am certain there are things you could have done to better support him so that he could have passed that class.

The orchestra things is, well, normal. For all kids. There are times when your peers are better than you at things and you have to work harder to achieve them. In the long run, it was probably beneficial to your son to have to work harder to get something he wanted, at an age where that likely taught him valuable lessons about pushing through disappointment.

I'm neither for nor against redshirting (it's entirely context dependent) but I don't read this as a compelling argument in favor of it. The best arguments I have seen for redshirting usually revolve around a child's physical and social development, since being significantly behind your cohort in those areas can cause problems that get worse as time goes on. But you don't seem to mention that at all.

It honestly sounds like maybe your son is not a stellar student and sometimes has to work hard to perform at grade level. I don't think that's a redshirting issue -- there's nothing special that happens in your brain between 16 and 17 that enables you to understand calculus.