Anonymous wrote:Dd has had a sharp tongue for quite a while. Coupled with the tween years, it’s just intolerable. How do you correct the random, meaningless, mean tone? Ex. Younger sibling says to dd “you’re getting good on the piano”. Dd says “no I’m not” in a harsh, mean tone. My policy has been to consistently say that’s not an acceptable way to speak and to ask her to try again. This is not working!

There's nothing mean in that example, except the piano player being hard on herself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a good friend of yours said they were not good at piano your first thought wouldn’t be “what consequences can I give my friend?” It would be huh, what’s going on and how can I help. Use this mindset with your own child.

If you paid a nice compliment to a friend of yours and they snapped back at you I think you would be wondering what their problem is. It’s not the content, it’s the tone. “I don’t think I am very good” said in a kind tone would be handled accordingly.

That was my point - it is a cry for help and I’d be wondering what was up. I wouldn’t think it was rude and needing “punishment”

DP. You are ignoring the impact the recipient of this lashing out. Just because someone may need help doesn't mean they can dump/crush someone else.

Op you're obsessed with your you ver daughters feeling and don't really care about the older one's. Why is that?

This is a tag team situation not a punishment situation.


It's also a learning opportunity for both of them.

Separate them . Individually acknowledged feelings

Your oldest.ight be feeling stressed and annoyed

The youngest sad

Give them both tools for how to approach the situation better next time.

Yes your oldest needs to learn it to snap.

But your youngest needs to learn to give space and that not everyone will want to hear her thoughts on everything all the time.

Anonymous wrote:If a good friend of yours said they were not good at piano your first thought wouldn’t be “what consequences can I givge my friend?” It would be huh, what’s going on and how can I help. Use this mindset with your own child.

But op clearly favors her younger daughter

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a good friend of yours said they were not good at piano your first thought wouldn’t be “what consequences can I give my friend?” It would be huh, what’s going on and how can I help. Use this mindset with your own child.

If you paid a nice compliment to a friend of yours and they snapped back at you I think you would be wondering what their problem is. It’s not the content, it’s the tone. “I don’t think I am very good” said in a kind tone would be handled accordingly.

That was my point - it is a cry for help and I’d be wondering what was up. I wouldn’t think it was rude and needing “punishment”

DP. You are ignoring the impact the recipient of this lashing out. Just because someone may need help doesn't mean they can dump/crush someone else.

Yeah you have to treat each kid individually. If the other kid is upset you can comfort them and let them know if their sibling is having a bad day, it is not their fault. Also you can always say “hey - I can see you’re upset that was not a kind tone” in front of the sibling so they know you’re addressing it. But punish? No way