Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 13:19     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s my BIL and SIL. Can’t politely decline or say I’m unavailable. It’s frustrating because I know they can afford to hire movers, they’re just too cheap and would rather rely in free help from family and friends.

It’s my husband’s younger brother so he’s spending all day there helping him when we have shit we need to get done here to prepare for the work week.


Just stop, you 100% can decline, ‘Thank you for asking us but we’re not available’ is a complete sentence. You don’t need a long explanation. Just worrying about offending someone who is being rude. If they push repeat. If they push more tell them enough, you declined politely and the answer is no. If it persists ignore the texts or calls. Done.


Thank you for asking us?? Hells no. No need to thank someone for their rude request. “I’m sorry - I’m not available. Good luck with the move” is more than enough.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 13:14     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
“Sorry. I’m too old for that $hit”. No further explanation
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 13:14     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
DH is already making your family’s contribution. You will be supporting him by doing all your family’s chores and errands.

And have lunch delivered.

That’s it.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 13:07     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
Knowing how many people have developed back issues, etc, it is truly entitled and rude to ask anyone to help you move unless you truly cannot afford it. By cannot afford it I don't mean you get your Starbucks latte daily, but don't save for movers.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 13:06     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't need to politely decline a rude request. Give them a referral to a moving company and tell them you can't wait to see the house when they're settled.


This is also rude! Just say you can't help but wish them well. You don't have to get passive aggressive. If they can find enough help from friends/family to get their move accomplished and want to do it that way, that is their business. If you don't want to help, just say no. But giving someone a referral for a moving company when they asked if you could come help move boxes is extremely obnoxious.

Learn to say no to things without feeling the need to be a huge d!ck about it.


When you ask me to help, you're making it my business. Stop being a cheap ass and mooching off people and hire movers.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 13:05     Subject: Re:Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
“So you’ve decided against hiring movers? That’s interesting. In any event, I’m not available.”

If your husband can’t say no to them, that’s on him.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 13:05     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't need to politely decline a rude request. Give them a referral to a moving company and tell them you can't wait to see the house when they're settled.


This is also rude! Just say you can't help but wish them well. You don't have to get passive aggressive. If they can find enough help from friends/family to get their move accomplished and want to do it that way, that is their business. If you don't want to help, just say no. But giving someone a referral for a moving company when they asked if you could come help move boxes is extremely obnoxious.

Learn to say no to things without feeling the need to be a huge d!ck about it.


Uh, no. "Sorry, can't help this time. You should try ABC Movers. They were great for our last move. Can't wait to see the new house." Was that really so hard to figure out? If you're sad about this they you're the d!ck.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 13:01     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
I agree. I’m happy to show up with a house warming present and help you move the flatware and dishes from their boxes to their drawers and shelves. But carry your boxes, no thanks. I’m too old for that.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 12:42     Subject: Re:Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
Anonymous wrote:Obviously I’m not moving boxes but I could not imagine saying I can’t help unpack the kitchen 1 weekend day or not let my H do what he wants because I feel jealous he’s spending time with his sibling.

Btw, if your over 40 why not hire someone to do the chores at your house you need done?

OP should hire someone to work at her house so she can go unpack her BIL’s house?
I can’t figure if you’re trolling or just dumb.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 12:22     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
You say sorry my old back can’t take it.
If you are over 25, you need to hire movers or donor yourself. No one in their 40s wants to help anyone move for pizza and beer. Nope. Just say no. Don’t be a doormat. The person is obviously a user and knew how to phrase it to try to “make you feel guilty”.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 12:20     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s my BIL and SIL. Can’t politely decline or say I’m unavailable. It’s frustrating because I know they can afford to hire movers, they’re just too cheap and would rather rely in free help from family and friends.

It’s my husband’s younger brother so he’s spending all day there helping him when we have shit we need to get done here to prepare for the work week.


Just stop, you 100% can decline, ‘Thank you for asking us but we’re not available’ is a complete sentence. You don’t need a long explanation. Just worrying about offending someone who is being rude. If they push repeat. If they push more tell them enough, you declined politely and the answer is no. If it persists ignore the texts or calls. Done.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 12:19     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
This is entirely a husband problem. And a you problem if you don’t just say “sorry, I’m not available to help.”
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 12:17     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
Op, I would say we have bad backs and we had to hire movers the last move!
Unless you had them helped you moved prior. Then you can't use this line 😂...

Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 12:15     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
I think even in your 30s with professional jobs this is an obnoxious request. I have helped friends at that age and was definitely annoyed because when I have moved I have just paid for movers. Sure it’s expensive but you need to consider that cost when buying a home. The other obnoxious part about when I helped someone was that they were moving into a $900k home. They were just being cheap.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 12:12     Subject: Expecting people to help you move in your forties?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s my BIL and SIL. Can’t politely decline or say I’m unavailable. It’s frustrating because I know they can afford to hire movers, they’re just too cheap and would rather rely in free help from family and friends.

It’s my husband’s younger brother so he’s spending all day there helping him when we have shit we need to get done here to prepare for the work week.


Well I would still decline and as PPs have mentioned, refer them to a mover. I assume by "can't" you mean "DH won't" because it's a DH problem not an IL problem.