You’re*

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Under circumstances that they are in a SCIF or have no cell coverage I'd say at noon and 4-ish.

My H and I text and say, "what time can you talk" we respond within 20 minutes the time we can talk.

It's rude to ignore texts/calls. Our conversations are only 5 minutes though.
It's also rude to be calling for attention or if you are bored. During work calls should be short.

It is not rude to not answer the phone or not respond to a text WHEN YOU ARE BUSY. Working means you're busy. Sure, sometimes you CAN stop and respond to a text or take a call but that doesn't mean you should HAVE to.

I can't fathom anyone with a real job being annoyed at their spouse not responding if they're also working a real job.

Then plan to respond at noon and 4 if you are “so busy”.

We all have real jobs but we are not so full of ourselves that we can’t check 2x a day if our spouse was trying to contact us.

If your in surgery communicate that in the am.

Anonymous wrote:Under circumstances that they are in a SCIF or have no cell coverage I'd say at noon and 4-ish.

My H and I text and say, "what time can you talk" we respond within 20 minutes the time we can talk.

It's rude to ignore texts/calls. Our conversations are only 5 minutes though.
It's also rude to be calling for attention or if you are bored. During work calls should be short.

It is not rude to not answer the phone or not respond to a text WHEN YOU ARE BUSY. Working means you're busy. Sure, sometimes you CAN stop and respond to a text or take a call but that doesn't mean you should HAVE to.

I can't fathom anyone with a real job being annoyed at their spouse not responding if they're also working a real job.

Do you work, OP?

I'm trying to imagine a scenario where you would have the need for an emergency phone call more than maybe once a month, if even that?

Can you give examples of things you think are important?

Under circumstances that they are in a SCIF or have no cell coverage I'd say at noon and 4-ish.

My H and I text and say, "what time can you talk" we respond within 20 minutes the time we can talk.

It's rude to ignore texts/calls. Our conversations are only 5 minutes though.
It's also rude to be calling for attention or if you are bored. During work calls should be short.

Anonymous wrote:In this day and age of mobile phones, texts and IMs, how available do you expect your spouse to be for your call? How soon should s/he respond to a text or IM? My DH annoys the crap out of me b/c he puts his phone away at work and only checks it a few times a day. He says this allows him to concentrate on his work without interruption. He also works somewhere we he cannot take his phone into every facility at the office, i.e. SCIFs. How can I handle this and let him know my calls are important.

Leave this man alone and let him do his job! Checking his phone when he takes break, lunch etc. is reasonable.

Leave him alone at work. You're ridiculous. Nothing is that important unless a true emergency.

My DH also rarely has his cell and works in a scif and he responds to emails/calls to his desk when he can. It’s not a big deal and you’re very unreasonable, OP.

I cant think of a single time I’ve called dh on the phone during the work day- luckily no emergencies. If either of us actually called the other I think we would drop everything and assume something was wrong.

Texts always answered within reasonable amount of time and are usually anbout who’s doing pickup or taking some kid where later. And if I have a hearing or something I’ll say don’t try to contact me during the day etc and it’s no big deal. I think Op sounds a tad disrespectful for how hectic some workdays are and quite frankly how little there is that immediately(!) needs to be discussed during the day.

Call a friend.

Call a relative.

Talk to DH when he gets home. That's why you share a bedroom instead of just visit for sex.

There's generally no rush. I want him to reachable and responsive in an emergency, but that might be email or desk phone. I don't expect a quick response to nonsense ... A meme, what do you want for dinner, what time is that thing 3 months form now ...

Even if he's not at work, if he's with friends or running errands, I let him be unless it's something that truly needs an answer NOW.

What are your calls about?

Dh and I do not expect each other to answer texts during the work day. He works from home but gets in the zone as he is coding for most of the day. And once he gets going he really hates having to stop. I work out of the home but can't readily answer texts on my phone. Sometimes I may be able to answer a text within a couple minutes, other times its going to be a couple hours. I have a smart watch so I can at least see the text.

DH and I generally handle this 2 ways.

1. If it is an actual emergency or something that we need answered quickly, we call. A call means "hey I have to talk to you now".

2. DH generally takes a break between 12-1 or 1-2 so I will try to text him then about any questions like...hey can you take DS to soccer today? or ...do you want to get take out tonight? or any other questions that are somewhat urgent but not really. He will reply to those within 30 min if I had to guess.

I really think you're expecting too much out of him OP.

Have you tried calling a therapist?

I do not expect my husband to answer calls. He doesnt have cell access during the day. I cal his desk in emergencies. All non emergency things i send an email he will read when he is done with work (has to log into a separate system).