Anonymous wrote:I think society teaches men that they do not have to grow and become better. They don't think they are perfect, just that it's okay to be as they are and anybody who disagrees is crazy or accusing them of being a bad person.

Good, and women should do the same. The self-improvement craze is just lining pockets of various grifters and, eventually, shrinks when the things don't work as promised.

Anonymous wrote:Doing your work is VERY hard. For men especially - they are so afraid that once they scratch the first layer, everything will fall apart.

You mean yapping in therapy?

Have you ever tried a real work, dear?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When dating I constantly run across men who cannot be self reflective. If there’s a problem
It’s always 100% the other persons fault. It’s so frustrating? Do they think they are perfect? Just have no interest in growing and becoming a better person?

Who is responsible for your failed relationships? Was it the man every time?

OP here. I am saying that the men I run across in dating almost always believe relationship failure is 100% their exes fault. Very rarely I come across one who can identify something he did wrong, and once I get to know him better I discover he still engages in that same behavior, yet feels entitled to a good relationship.

Anonymous wrote:It’s also body makeup though right? The hormones making them react quicker and more linearly. I’ve often heard men are more decisive. So must mean that they have less instrospection because they need to be decisive. Something like that.

but there is no introspection even after the decision.

Anonymous wrote:Well, a lot more women still read for pleasure and novels often involve introspection about characters and motivations. Think about differences between movies marketed to men vs women. But I am not sure if women learn these skills through reading novels or if women like fiction because they already enjoy introspection.

The overall percentage of either gender who read is so low as to make any conclusions you draw a mere rounding error.

Well, a lot more women still read for pleasure and novels often involve introspection about characters and motivations. Think about differences between movies marketed to men vs women. But I am not sure if women learn these skills through reading novels or if women like fiction because they already enjoy introspection.

Anonymous wrote:When dating I constantly run across men who cannot be self reflective. If there’s a problem
It’s always 100% the other persons fault. It’s so frustrating? Do they think they are perfect? Just have no interest in growing and becoming a better person?

OP, you need to work on your own self-reflection.

We don't say "men" these days -- that's dated, offensive language.

Anonymous wrote:I think society teaches men that they do not have to grow and become better. They don't think they are perfect, just that it's okay to be as they are and anybody who disagrees is crazy or accusing them of being a bad person.

Society doesn’t teach men any such thing.

Sincerely,

A man

Anonymous wrote:When dating I constantly run across men who cannot be self reflective. If there’s a problem
It’s always 100% the other persons fault. It’s so frustrating? Do they think they are perfect? Just have no interest in growing and becoming a better person?

Who is responsible for your failed relationships? Was it the man every time?

This thread is nonsense even by the standards of “all men really means too many men” generalization threads.

Do you expect men you’re on dates with to take blame for their prior failed relationships? You might be the problem.

Anonymous wrote:It’s also body makeup though right? The hormones making them react quicker and more linearly. I’ve often heard men are more decisive. So must mean that they have less instrospection because they need to be decisive. Something like that.

Anecdotal but this is not at all true fir my DH— he’s incredibly indecisive. Or, more specifically, takes a looooong time to make decisions (once made, he doesn’t second guess, so that’s good). Whatever hormones supposedly make him react more quickly, he doesn’t have them.

I think OP is talking about people she’s just meeting or dating short term. Not her long term relationships.

It’s also body makeup though right? The hormones making them react quicker and more linearly. I’ve often heard men are more decisive. So must mean that they have less instrospection because they need to be decisive. Something like that.

Anonymous wrote:Men don’t need to be introspective because women's anxiety forces woman to point out everything little thing that men do wrong, could turn out wrong or might be wrong.

The lack is introspection causes the anxiety. The anxiety leads to hypersensitivity, which leads to defensiveness, which leads to resentment.

All this stems from societal expectations and lack of communication skills.