Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all your comments. We have our own plans for the summer but no one has invited us to anything, and I am guessing we will have no invitations to anything the entire summer, as last summer we got no invitations to any BBQs, parties, or picnics. I am always the one reaching out and planning events and playdates and nothing is reciprocated, which really bothers me.

I feel like to have a friend you have to be a friend, and I try to be a friend and reach out to others and plan things, but they never think of me and invite us to do things in return, which just feels really sad and lonely.

I would love to be invited to just one BBQ, pool party, or mini golf meetup this summer but I know even that will not happen.

OP, planning things isn’t the same thing as being a friend. The kind of authentic connection found in true friendship is through listening, supporting, sharing personal feelings, laughing together, etc. It’s not built through big parties or outings, typically, but through the quieter moments of talking together, repeated interactions where you can actually connect. I say this as someone who is (or was) often the organizer for group outings - I did those because I liked getting several families together, but only *after* I felt a connection with the moms of the group.

My closest friends aren’t the ones I organize into family gatherings, they’re the ones I meet for lunch or call to check in on or make time to see. So - do you have people with whom you do feel that kind of connection? If so, try to deepen those friendships by one on one time. If not, focus on those. That’s what makes you feel less lonely, not the big parties. Those are fine, too, but don’t offer the connection many people rightly want. Hugs.

OP your friends are more popular people and you ignoring people less popular than you. Make different friends.

It gets better. Your kids are 5 and 7 where you keep and hunt for relationships. Soon your kids will pick their own friends and you help make the fun happen. It’s really not you people after covid have lost their social compass. Meaning isolation felt good so be patient it’s all coming back, but slowly.

OP here. Thanks for all your comments. We have our own plans for the summer but no one has invited us to anything, and I am guessing we will have no invitations to anything the entire summer, as last summer we got no invitations to any BBQs, parties, or picnics. I am always the one reaching out and planning events and playdates and nothing is reciprocated, which really bothers me.

I feel like to have a friend you have to be a friend, and I try to be a friend and reach out to others and plan things, but they never think of me and invite us to do things in return, which just feels really sad and lonely.

I would love to be invited to just one BBQ, pool party, or mini golf meetup this summer but I know even that will not happen.

I have never had social plans like these EVER. My kids are 8 and 11.

I make plans week by week. I am not making bbq plans for July now.

Anonymous wrote:We have something lined up for at least one person/playdate every weekend in June already. I think I organized all of them. Thats going to be it for a while but we will go to one neighborhood and one family 4th of July event. Part of the fun of the summer is just going to the pool and seeing who you see.

I don’t have a ton of friends but I do see a couple regularly and we have a set day of the week that we always get together (not every week). It makes planning so so much easier.

We are invited to an annual Halloween party and that family seems really fun and cooler than us so I have not invited them for too many things- good reminder that people who have enough friends to host a big party like to be invited places too.

Sorry my point in all of that is I plan/organize 95 percent of our social events. It’s just how it is. I think it’s more common than you think- plenty of people enjoy socializing if it’s easy but don’t care enough to organize.

We have something lined up for at least one person/playdate every weekend in June already. I think I organized all of them. Thats going to be it for a while but we will go to one neighborhood and one family 4th of July event. Part of the fun of the summer is just going to the pool and seeing who you see.

I don’t have a ton of friends but I do see a couple regularly and we have a set day of the week that we always get together (not every week). It makes planning so so much easier.

We are invited to an annual Halloween party and that family seems really fun and cooler than us so I have not invited them for too many things- good reminder that people who have enough friends to host a big party like to be invited places too.

OP, how selective are you in seeking out mom friends? Big gatherings don’t lend themselves well to deepening friendships and you also have to be picky in those with whom you want to be closer. I say that as someone who makes and keeps friends easily; they have to be mutual for me to put in the work. You don’t need a ton of friends - it’s a few close ones who make the difference.

FWIW, our annual beach trip was friends was booked almost a year ago (during the last beach trip). We haven’t made any smaller plans along the lines of what you describe yet because the next seven or so weeks will be filled with summer swim team and time at the pool. I also wouldn’t expect invitations to those kinds of things yet - there’s usually only a few weeks lead time, if that.

Last but not least, as another PP said, don’t look to parents of your kids friends to make your own friends. If it happens naturally, great, but cast a wider net. Do you have old friends you can see, kids aside? A particular hobby or passion?

Invite someone to do something. Make a plan!

Op this post is weird. We’re already out of school and I don’t think we have any plans either. But I know we’ll end up doing a bunch of stuff this summer with family and friends. Who has stuff on the calendar in summer a full month out?

Anonymous wrote:Ummmm school gets out in 2 more weeks? I am trying to make it though baseball playoffs, soccer end of season party, cub scouts moving up ceremony, daily swim team practice, field day, etc.

You are worried because you don’t have social plans for July and August? You need to chill.

My kids last day was May 23rd. No plans. But our friends (and us) don’t plan weeks in advance. Someone may decide to throw a party next weekend.

Do you do a lot of social media?

More people than you realize don't have a constant stream of social interactions. You think everyone does because when they do, they post the pictures like crazy. No one posts "Great night at home, drinking tea and watching Netflix. So blessed to have a comfy bed."

I also feel like I don't have one tight group. I go to social events for school and religious group to get in social time without waiting for someone to invite me.

Use that time to volunteer.

Are you expecting to have an invite to a 4th of July party already?

There are no kids birthdays all summer?