Anonymous wrote:
I'm biased but I think pets are very good for mental health and teens can use all the mental health they can get. If she has already bonded with this cat it is going to be pretty hard to break them apart.

I'm a dog person who has had a cat (who was well loved), and will never have any cats again. Cat hair is different from dog hair, and gets *everywhere*. Cats are different from dogs, and can get *everywhere*, including kitchen counter tops. That is not sanitary. My cat was quite dog-like and trainable, but most cats are not, so it can be difficult to get them to change bad habits, such as using furniture as scratching posts. Poop inside the house is gross. I don't care if it's in the litterbox, but it's still poop in the house that isn't immediately getting flushed down. Cat urine smells absolutely vile.

In mom's shoes, I would want to know what DD is going to do for vet care, which can be expensive. Mine was diabetic, and a vial of insulin was $100+, on top of repeated vet visits to figure out correct dosage. He eventually succumbed to stomach cancer, which was messy (poor guy often couldn't make it to his litterbox as he had liquid diarrhea, and would vomit as well) and heartbreaking.

OP Thank you all for some very good insights. I am not proud of my decision but as my DD refused to return unless she had her cat with her, I capitulated and am trying to figure out a way to accommodate both. I didn't want to lose my DD. When she leaves, the cat goes with her or to another home.

Cats, and pets in general, can be expensive. Not just food and litter, but vet visits are outrageous. If kitty has a health issue, you have to take it to the vet and it can cost thousands.

I'm biased but I think pets are very good for mental health and teens can use all the mental health they can get. If she has already bonded with this cat it is going to be pretty hard to break them apart.

I'm biased but I think pets are very good for mental health, and a ;

OP, where is your kid staying? My first call would be to these folks to explain the situation and ask them to send her home without the cat. They are not helping by enabling her. She has probably told them some ridiculous story. Then my next call would be to the police telling them she has run away, where she is at, and that I do not give my permission for her to be there.

Is she going to college next year? If so then she will be dumping the cat on you.

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don't you give her a trial period?

This. But I'm biased because I wanted a cat and I would have taken care of it but my mom vetoed it just because.

So I would agree with conditions. She's in charge of changing and cleaning liter.
She has to liter train the cat

She has to fed the cat and get it's food
She gets it supplies with money from her job.

She has to find a clinic to have it spayed and vaccinated. There are free and low-cost ones.

If at anytime these conditions can't be met she has to re-home the cat.

Additionally if she wants to travel she has to find a sitter.

And she should figure out her living arrangement for college if she plans to attend because cats can't live in forms and you aren't going to be cat mom

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
When we lived in an apartment building, a mother and daughter had a one bedroom and a bunny in the living room. We ourselves were a young family of 4 in a one-bedroom (no pets, though!).

This is how normal people live, PP. Now we're wealthier... but most people in the world do not live in fancy houses. They can still have pets if it soothes their souls.

OP, your relationship with your daughter is fraught indeed. Soon, she will leave for college. What do you want out of the few years you have together before that? If you are not allergic to cats, perhaps you could agree to a trial period.

IF the pet is property cared for, including visits to the vet. Lots of pets suffer because the people who own them can't actually pay for their proper care. But if it soothes the human's soul, then I guess the pet's quality of life doesn't matter?

Prejudiced against apartment dwellers? A lot of them aren't poor and can look after pets. There were a ton of pets in my middle class apartment building, PP. Those dogs were the most pampered I'd ever met. You're absolutely rotten to insinuate that apartment=poor=pets suffer.

I would offer a trial. She has to do the litter every time for a month, and increased vacuuming. I’m assuming she also stays at her dads. Is she taking the cat back and forth? What does her dad say? Shouldn’t you both agree to this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your situation is such that you can't afford a home with two bedrooms, then taking on the expense of a pet should be out of the question. Your daughter likely has zero plan for how she is going to pay for the care and feeding of this cat. And I assume she understands that the litter box would need to be in her bedroom and cleaned daily? And that her bedroom door can never be shut? Mother, you tell her no, firmly. But suggest that she volunteer at an animal shelter.

. There are some very good suggestions and I will explore them with DD. She is trying to be very independent and is also offered to pay for everything from her job she is extremely stubborn.

Um, pot meet kettle.

Anonymous wrote:Op. Very good ideas. She doesn't want to come home unless she gets to bring the cat. I am torn but I'm holding steady. I wonder if there is some creative compromise

Cats are not a lot of work. They're not. If you don't have the money, that's one thing. But they don't take up much space. You feed it and clean the box. Done. It's important to her so have the discussion. No, she should not have just brought it home but you're being unreasonably obstinate. You just want to "win" the argument.

Anonymous wrote:If your situation is such that you can't afford a home with two bedrooms, then taking on the expense of a pet should be out of the question. Your daughter likely has zero plan for how she is going to pay for the care and feeding of this cat. And I assume she understands that the litter box would need to be in her bedroom and cleaned daily? And that her bedroom door can never be shut? Mother, you tell her no, firmly. But suggest that she volunteer at an animal shelter.

. There are some very good suggestions and I will explore them with DD. She is trying to be very independent and is also offered to pay for everything from her job she is extremely stubborn.

Anonymous wrote:
When we lived in an apartment building, a mother and daughter had a one bedroom and a bunny in the living room. We ourselves were a young family of 4 in a one-bedroom (no pets, though!).

This is how normal people live, PP. Now we're wealthier... but most people in the world do not live in fancy houses. They can still have pets if it soothes their souls.

OP, your relationship with your daughter is fraught indeed. Soon, she will leave for college. What do you want out of the few years you have together before that? If you are not allergic to cats, perhaps you could agree to a trial period.

IF the pet is property cared for, including visits to the vet. Lots of pets suffer because the people who own them can't actually pay for their proper care. But if it soothes the human's soul, then I guess the pet's quality of life doesn't matter?

When we lived in an apartment building, a mother and daughter had a one bedroom and a bunny in the living room. We ourselves were a young family of 4 in a one-bedroom (no pets, though!).

This is how normal people live, PP. Now we're wealthier... but most people in the world do not live in fancy houses. They can still have pets if it soothes their souls.

OP, your relationship with your daughter is fraught indeed. Soon, she will leave for college. What do you want out of the few years you have together before that? If you are not allergic to cats, perhaps you could agree to a trial period.