Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

The sad fact is that most families need two incomes to get by these days. Women are giving their labor to corporations and simply aren’t available to provide labor at home like the did in the past

I come from an immigrant family and my mother cared for two elderly relatives in our home until their last few months when they needed a higher level of care than she could provide and they went to nursing homes.

Two incomes are required to provide a very high standard of living. You could easily live off one income if you lived in a smaller house, one limited driving vacation to see family, no kids activities outside of running around the neighborhood, one car, one TV, no iPhones etc. Most people don’t think a job is so terrible that they need to live a 1950s lifestyle. Why would a woman with options want to forgo a paycheck and the resulting luxuries to provide unpaid labor to a relative? What you’re describing is simply progress and women having better options than they did in the past.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

In USA, women aren't slaves.

+100000. I have no interest in providing unpaid labor to relatives. Watching young children is grueling and boring. Being a maid for an elderly person is awful. I am so thankful I live so where I can earn enough to outsource this care. There’s a reason white males don’t stay home with kids or sacrifice their lives to take care of their parents.

Anonymous wrote:

It’s all out of pocket.

Thanks for sharing. Wow. What are the options for people who cannot afford this? Are there nursing homes that are covered by insurance? (Even if they are dreadful sometimes you have to take what you can get…)

Obviously it’s great if family can provide the care, but that isn’t always possible.

I’m telling DH we need to save way more, eat better, and do cardio daily (early 40s). No idea what I will do about my parents in the not-so-distant future. I’m 100% they don’t have the cash flow for assisted living!

Some people have private long-term care insurance. Policies my parents could get included $350 a day for as long as the person needed long-term care (so difficulty with two activities of daily living or cognitive impairment requiring constant supervision). These days, those policies do not exist, though you might be able to find one that covered two years of care at a pretty high monthly premium. No private health insurance or Medicare covers this. Medicaid covers this kind of care if you meet income and asset limits. Some nursing homes accept Medicaid payment (but the payment is low, so they don't like to). Some people sell their house when it's time for long-term care to finance it, and then if that runs out, turn to Medicaid. Depending on the state you live in, Medicaid can cover long-term care in your home, but nursing home coverage is mandatory for states to cover.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my mom in Rockville paying close to $8K a month. For a smaller non-profit AL - max 30 people in a neighborhood. She has one room with an adjoining bathroom. She gets 3 meals a day, cleaning, med management, bath twice a week, someone to help her get ready for the day and bedtime, and she has moderate dementia. We are happy with the place and they are loving and caring. I hear Sunrise is much more expensive and they charge for every service and food is not as good.

Would you mind sharing the name of this facility; thank you!

Raphael House part of Victory Housing

Thank you

My mom is at Asbury. We pain for an independent living apartment with the sale of her house. She pays the extra with my dads pension and social security.

If she moves to assisted living they pay with the pension and social security and tgat does not giver it so they will start using the value of her apartment towards the cost.

If they run through that money she will pay with pension and social security, which does not cover the cost but since she has no money they take the loss.

Thank you for taking the time to explain! I have so much to learn!

This is so depressing. I think I will go to Switzerland and have assisted suicide instead of living in a nursing home like a zombie for years and burn all the family resource for nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my mom in Rockville paying close to $8K a month. For a smaller non-profit AL - max 30 people in a neighborhood. She has one room with an adjoining bathroom. She gets 3 meals a day, cleaning, med management, bath twice a week, someone to help her get ready for the day and bedtime, and she has moderate dementia. We are happy with the place and they are loving and caring. I hear Sunrise is much more expensive and they charge for every service and food is not as good.

Would you mind sharing the name of this facility; thank you!

Raphael House part of Victory Housing

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

I figure you're trolling with your fake outrage, but just in case - good luck with that. Parents with dementia can't be safely cared for at home unless you pay for a live-in nurse, which is always an (extremely expensive) option. Also, assisted living doesn't go on "for decades!" unless your 90-year-old mom plans to live to 110+.

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

That’s sounds horrible I’d hate that life for me. I don’t want to live with my children when I’m aging.

Glad you enjoyed home schooling your children but I think there is so much value in children having many caregivers and teachers. It use to be aunts/uncles/grandparents but that lead to much abuse … so.

Anonymous wrote:Please forgive my rookie question: is any of the cost covered by insurance, Medicare, or some other sort of benefit? Is it all out-of-pocket? (These prices are terrifying!)

My mom is at Asbury. We pain for an independent living apartment with the sale of her house. She pays the extra with my dads pension and social security.

If she moves to assisted living they pay with the pension and social security and tgat does not giver it so they will start using the value of her apartment towards the cost.

If they run through that money she will pay with pension and social security, which does not cover the cost but since she has no money they take the loss.

Anonymous wrote:Mom's facility is now 10K and unsurprisingly they have quite a few vacancies. I am wondering what others are paying in the DC area. Thanks!

$4,500/month for dementia care (MIL) and $4,000/month for light dementia care (FIL). This is a small family-run assisted living center in Anne Arundel County. There are ~14 beds, home-cooked meals, 24/7 care, etc.

We found the center through Silver Stay: https://www.silverstay.com/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

The sad fact is that most families need two incomes to get by these days. Women are giving their labor to corporations and simply aren’t available to provide labor at home like the did in the past.

I come from an immigrant family and my mother cared for two elderly relatives in our home until their last few months when they needed a higher level of care than she could provide and they went to nursing homes.

In my “disturbing” American experience, my mother with dementia almost (accidentally) burned down and flooded her assisted living apartment, among countless other safety issues, so I’m sure you can understand why I can’t keep my young elementary kids and her safe in my own home.

… why I can’t keep my young elementary kids safe (with her) living in my own home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

The sad fact is that most families need two incomes to get by these days. Women are giving their labor to corporations and simply aren’t available to provide labor at home like the did in the past.

I come from an immigrant family and my mother cared for two elderly relatives in our home until their last few months when they needed a higher level of care than she could provide and they went to nursing homes.

In my “disturbing” American experience, my mother with dementia almost (accidentally) burned down and flooded her assisted living apartment, among countless other safety issues, so I’m sure you can understand why I can’t keep my young elementary kids and her safe in my own home.

Yes, the reality is that women are expected to fully participate in the economy/be employed. It is very difficult for most families to live on one income (at least in major metro areas). Child and elder care has to be outsourced when women have to perform well at work 40+ hours a week.

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

The sad fact is that most families need two incomes to get by these days. Women are giving their labor to corporations and simply aren’t available to provide labor at home like the did in the past.

I come from an immigrant family and my mother cared for two elderly relatives in our home until their last few months when they needed a higher level of care than she could provide and they went to nursing homes.