We’re very pro screen family but I think you were wrong op. It sounds like your kids were being anti social at a gathering. Aunt was probably right to try fix that. They are lucky to have people like that in their lives who care. They can go a few hours-(days even!) without the devices. We all managed childhoods that way. You sound like you let your pride and personal feelings of shame/hurt override the best interests of your kids here. It wasn’t necessarily about judging you as a parent. I’m all for sticking up for your kids to bossy relatives but this experience was one your kids didn’t benefit from.

Personally, I would think it was great if another adult recommended kids actually interact with each other. When we are visiting family, we set rules with DC and no screen time during the main part of the day. If they are watching TV or anything else in the community room, it must be age-appropriate for the youngest person there.
I’ve gone on vacation with families who allow a lot of screen time. It is very annoying. The worst is having to watch cartoons 12 hours a day in the main room, including at meal times, because people can’t get their kids off of screens without an emotional breakdown.

If you are vacationing together, you should discuss this as adults ahead of time. Some parents really do care about limiting screen time for their kids and limiting the amount of time that they are surrounded by other kids with screens.

You say your not in her house op but if you were then yes her house her rules. Regarding screens, food, sleep, showers really everything is up to her in her house. If she tells you to give her your phone you hand it over .

Anonymous wrote:It’s neither volume nor content. She just randomly decides when the kids should “go do something else.” Not her call. Neutral location (neither of our homes but I don’t agree that’s relevant.) These are older kids who were definitely not misbehaving in any way, not 3 year olds.

And I did handle it directly. But just thought I’d throw it out there for any other would-be screen vigilantes. My kids phones have app limits and downtime. Whether or not she (or you) thinks I am a good parent is also irrelevant. Not her call. Even at her house (which we were not.)

Well you are right, but you’re forgetting that all parties have to participate for something to work our.

My mother does that. She polices the adults too. She is an anxious person who needs to feel in control, and needs to know that people are paying attention to her, so if we're all distracted by other things (screens or not), she is NOT happy. So if it's screens, she's going to go off into a rant about screens (regardless of whether we're working or just surfing)... but really, it's just that we're not paying attention to her.

If a bunch of kids were sitting looking at iPads on vacation then I’d tell them to go do something, too. It’s not personal

Anonymous wrote:OP how about you let your kids hang w their cousins instead of letting them whine for their screens? I can’t believe the hill you’ll die on is that your SIL is pushing back on screens

They were perfectly happy until she overstepped.

OP how about you let your kids hang w their cousins instead of letting them whine for their screens? I can’t believe the hill you’ll die on is that your SIL is pushing back on screens

My SIL does this too. We have similar aged children (elementary school age) but different philosophies on screen time. DH and I are laid back about it, and maybe as a result (?) our kids are laid back about it. They can take it or leave it.

SIL’s kids are obsessed with screens - I think maybe because she is so strict about them. When we visit, her kids will straight up snoop through our luggage, find our iPads and ask my kids to enter the passcode.

Last summer my kids were watching a video in our room while I got changed. I was naked and my nephew came barging in because he heard a cartoon.

They do the same thing with treats. I brought Scooby snacks and fruit snacks and they lost their minds trying to sneak them.

Why bother visiting if you're going to have your kids on screens all day, OP? I played all day with my cousins when I was a kid.

Then please don't send your elementary or middle school child over to my house with an iPad. I can't tell you how many times I've asked a kid clutching an iPad "Why'd you accept a playdate with Claudia if you just want to sit on our couch playing on an iPad ignoring her? You can do that at your house."

Which in some cases, I've discovered they CAN'T, and they snuck the iPad out of their house and really DO just want to sit alone playing on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s neither volume nor content. She just randomly decides when the kids should “go do something else.” Not her call. Neutral location (neither of our homes but I don’t agree that’s relevant.) These are older kids who were definitely not misbehaving in any way, not 3 year olds.

And I did handle it directly. But just thought I’d throw it out there for any other would-be screen vigilantes. My kids phones have app limits and downtime. Whether or not she (or you) thinks I am a good parent is also irrelevant. Not her call. Even at her house (which we were not.)

Get off your phone and go parent your children. You are fooling exactly no one. No, you did not handle it directly, or you would have put that in your original post. You are spineless.

From the original post:

she made it really awkward when we basically had to demand them back.

They are 12 and 15. But it’s not relevant. She is not their parent. And I am not ignoring them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s neither volume nor content. She just randomly decides when the kids should “go do something else.” Not her call. Neutral location (neither of our homes but I don’t agree that’s relevant.) These are older kids who were definitely not misbehaving in any way, not 3 year olds.

And I did handle it directly. But just thought I’d throw it out there for any other would-be screen vigilantes. My kids phones have app limits and downtime. Whether or not she (or you) thinks I am a good parent is also irrelevant. Not her call. Even at her house (which we were not.)

Get off your phone and go parent your children. You are fooling exactly no one. No, you did not handle it directly, or you would have put that in your original post. You are spineless.

NP-STFU with your ridiculous assumptions.

Anonymous wrote:Ages????
You are right that people don’t dictate screen time rules. It does not matter whether you are guest in their home. It’s obnoxious.

But pleasantries require both parties to do their share. If your kid is always on their screen when visiting family, that’s weird too!

I wouldn’t be happy if I saw that, and I would say something to them or remove the phone. But it depends on the age. Are we talking about 10 year olds or teenagers?

+1