Have some empathy. All of us who'll live long enough have to become old and weak. Nobody is invincible.

Anonymous wrote:My 65 year old single dad doesn’t have a lot of money and I normally pay for him at restaurants when we are together. OF COURSE they always bring the check out and give it to him. It’s just expected that the older man is paying for his daughter. The way he slides the check to me with shame in his eyes is both sad and amusing because it shows how misogynistic society is. It’s just ridiculous. Dad, no one care if I pay for you. No one other than the server even noticed that I took the check and if they did notice, they’re paying way too much attention to our table.

My boss is 65, as are many of our senior managers. Why isn’t he still working if he’s struggling with money?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What we need is safe and supportive childcare and eldercare in this world. These are basics, weapons and designer goods aren't. We as a society should be supportive to each other.

Traditionally, family filled those roles.

Traditionally, women performing unpaid caregiving tasks while forgoing their own financial interests filled those roles.

^^^ fixed that for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a spoiled 18-24 year old asking this.
Stats show Parents spend approx. $300,000 raising a child until age 18, plus tons more if they pay for college. That is enough.

For this, an adult child should then return the gift and help care for a parent for the last 5-10 years of their life when they become frail and need care. That’s the circle of life.

An adult age 22ish- age 60 shouldn’t need help or be leeching off anyone.

Ok, so you seem to think there's a clear-cut age by which should be fending for themselves. By that logic, you should also think there's clear-cut age by which one should die. It only makes sense. According to this life table, most men are dead by the age of 79 and most women are dead by the age of 84.

https://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html

Therefore, by your logic, an adult child shouldn't have to care for their father if he's 79 or older, nor should they have to care for their mother if she's 84 or older, as they've passed their deadline to die.

This is some seriously faulty logic.

All of the cases of both that I know of in my real life were due to poor planning. It’s never the sweet older person who sacrificed everything, it’s a single parent who made poor financial decisions their entire life, bought Louis Vuitton instead of adding to their 401k and now demands money from their kids (while also refusing to help babysit so that their kids’ daycare costs are lessened). And the adult children I see boomeranging home are not saving every spare penny for a downpayment. They’re playing video games, sleeping late and getting fired from basic jobs. YMMV, but that’s what I see in my neighbors, friends and relatives.

I would have no trouble supporting either my parents or my children, but it’s conditional support.

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a spoiled 18-24 year old asking this.
Stats show Parents spend approx. $300,000 raising a child until age 18, plus tons more if they pay for college. That is enough.

For this, an adult child should then return the gift and help care for a parent for the last 5-10 years of their life when they become frail and need care. That’s the circle of life.

An adult age 22ish- age 60 shouldn’t need help or be leeching off anyone.

Ok, so you seem to think there's a clear-cut age by which should be fending for themselves. By that logic, you should also think there's clear-cut age by which one should die. It only makes sense. According to this life table, most men are dead by the age of 79 and most women are dead by the age of 84.

https://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html

Therefore, by your logic, an adult child shouldn't have to care for their father if he's 79 or older, nor should they have to care for their mother if she's 84 or older, as they've passed their deadline to die.

Anonymous wrote:There are obvious reasons for why it’s reasonable for a 25 yr old to fend for themselves that we can’t say the same of for an 85 yr old. Even if the 85 yr old made serious mistakes to need the help, they can’t just fix it by getting 2 jobs.

This. I have planned so I’ll never put my kids in the situation of having to financially support me in old age, and part of that planning was letting my kids know they would get no further financial assistance from me after they graduate undergrad.

My 65 year old single dad doesn’t have a lot of money and I normally pay for him at restaurants when we are together. OF COURSE they always bring the check out and give it to him. It’s just expected that the older man is paying for his daughter. The way he slides the check to me with shame in his eyes is both sad and amusing because it shows how misogynistic society is. It’s just ridiculous. Dad, no one care if I pay for you. No one other than the server even noticed that I took the check and if they did notice, they’re paying way too much attention to our table.

Anonymous wrote:There are obvious reasons for why it’s reasonable for a 25 yr old to fend for themselves that we can’t say the same of for an 85 yr old. Even if the 85 yr old made serious mistakes to need the help, they can’t just fix it by getting 2 jobs.

But the 85-year-old has lived a full life, while the 25-year-old has not.

https://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html

https://www.worlddata.info/life-expectancy.php

A living 85-year-old is extremely lucky just to be alive.

There are obvious reasons for why it’s reasonable for a 25 yr old to fend for themselves that we can’t say the same of for an 85 yr old. Even if the 85 yr old made serious mistakes to need the help, they can’t just fix it by getting 2 jobs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a spoiled 18-24 year old asking this.
Stats show Parents spend approx. $300,000 raising a child until age 18, plus tons more if they pay for college. That is enough.

For this, an adult child should then return the gift and help care for a parent for the last 5-10 years of their life when they become frail and need care. That’s the circle of life.

An adult age 22ish- age 60 shouldn’t need help or be leeching off anyone.

First of all, kids don't get a say in what their parents do or don't spend on them before they turn 18. Even if someone under 18 asks their parents for something expensive, they really aren't mature enough to understand just what a big sacrifice they're asking their parents to make. And if a parent thinks their kid should have to ultimately pay back for their college education, they can simply refuse to pay and tell their kid they have
to take out loans.

Second, whether or not someone "should" need help has nothing to do with whether or not they do need help. So you seem to be suggesting that someone in this age-range who does need help doesn't deserve it. By your rule, if the lives of a 25-year-old and a 75-year-old were on the line and only one of them could be saved, the 75-year-old should be saved, even though 75 is a perfectly normal age to die at, while 25 is much too young to die.

I forgot to add that many parents set up a college fund for their kids before they turn 18, and that the money in said fund can't be used for anything else. So parents paying for college is potentially another thing the kid didn't have a say in before they turned 18.

Fun fact: that thing about some kids needing to be sort of left to flounder so they will grow up actually can apply to parents too. I was helping my mom a lot, to the point where it was a big drag on my mental health. My therapist suggested that it might be for the best if I stopped helping so much. I think that these days therapists are WAY too quick to suggest severing ties, but I followed his advice and pulled back. I was terrified she would wind up homeless and it would be my failt! Wrong. My mom had to figure some things out on her own, and she did, and she is fine. She found a lawyer to help her apply for disability, she started caring for an elderly gentleman to earn some money, etc. I still send money but I no longer feel obligated to go out of my way to help her and it feels great!

I think that you have to find a balance but default to love and care rather than the low end of your legal and moral obligations. I would never withhold help from my kids unless it was seriously detrimental for them or me. I’ve told my kids they can live with us for as long as they like.

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a spoiled 18-24 year old asking this.
Stats show Parents spend approx. $300,000 raising a child until age 18, plus tons more if they pay for college. That is enough.

For this, an adult child should then return the gift and help care for a parent for the last 5-10 years of their life when they become frail and need care. That’s the circle of life.

An adult age 22ish- age 60 shouldn’t need help or be leeching off anyone.

First of all, kids don't get a say in what their parents do or don't spend on them before they turn 18. Even if someone under 18 asks their parents for something expensive, they really aren't mature enough to understand just what a big sacrifice they're asking their parents to make. And if a parent thinks their kid should have to ultimately pay back for their college education, they can simply refuse to pay and tell their kid they have
to take out loans.

Second, whether or not someone "should" need help has nothing to do with whether or not they do need help. So you seem to be suggesting that someone in this age-range who does need help doesn't deserve it. By your rule, if the lives of a 25-year-old and a 75-year-old were on the line and only one of them could be saved, the 75-year-old should be saved, even though 75 is a perfectly normal age to die at, while 25 is much too young to die.

There is a difference between throwing an old person who may not be employable out on the street va an able bodied failure to launch kid. Tough love so the kid doesn’t end up being a mooch parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying this “the OP didn't ask to be born. The OP's parents chose to bring them into the world.” screams that you are an immature irrational kid and entirely self-centered.

If adults didn’t keep procreating, population would die out completely. Do you get that?
And if most parents didn’t sacrifice and try their best to raise decent human beings, the world would devolve into complete chaos.

Come back after you raise a kid or 2, or do something else giving to society, and reevaluate your ideas

Why would be wrong humans going extinct? Maybe that would be a good thing. We're destroying the planet as I type.

*What would be wrong with humans going extinct?