I have a great MIL so my experience is probably the minority but I loved having her around when I was postpartum, she was genuinely helpful and would take the baby for the first early morning waking so I could sleep. She always wakes up super early so it worked perfectly.

That being said, there are generational differences. Our MILs' generations did not breastfeed or pump, for the most part, and will NOT understand that aspect of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have both stay in the hotel and MIL can come and help during the daytime hours.

If I am paying for a hotel then you can pay for a maid.

Then “you” don’t actually want to help.

“Have both stay in the hotel” obviously meant OP pays for the hotel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have both stay in the hotel and MIL can come and help during the daytime hours.

If I am paying for a hotel then you can pay for a maid.

Then “you” don’t actually want to help.

Anonymous wrote:Have both stay in the hotel and MIL can come and help during the daytime hours.

If I am paying for a hotel then you can pay for a maid.

We made the mistake of letting the in-laws visit when the baby was a week old, and even with them staying in a hotel, it was awful. I was stuck in the bedroom pumping while they held my baby, or was nursing in the bedroom instead of being able to sit on my own couch. I finally started having my husband take them to tourist sites just to get a little peace.

By the time my baby was four weeks old, I was grateful for any adult company I could get but don’t want anyone staying longer than an hour in the first three weeks.

With baby #2, we told them not to come for the first two months. It was easier to deal with a toddler and newborn on my own than guests.

I had both my parents and my in-laws for all 3 pregnancies. It depends on your relationship. Everyone was so excited about birth and we are all very close.
We were fine- for us it was a celebration of family. But, do what feels best for you. You will be fine whether way.

Honestly unless you are doing formula and they handle feedings so you can get a good stretch of sleep, there really isn't that much that needs done. You don't need to be polishing the floors or anything.

Anonymous wrote:If you are breastfeeding, you will be topless most of the first few weeks. I’m not joking, they cluster feed a lot and also skin to skin is the best for helping your milk come in. How do you feel about being top less around your MIL? You don’t want to feel trapped in your bedroom or like you need to cover up because that may hurt the breastfeeding.

This is a really good point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I didn't have anyone help the first few weeks. No matter how well intentioned or how helpful I
thought they would be, it just interfered and made things more difficult.

Absolute opposite. More the merrier, I needed human interaction, bring me all the food and your baby holding hands.

I wish I had your experience. My MIL expected me to cook for her, run out to the store for stuff for wanted, etc.

Invite MIL to come a week after you've gone home. You'll still need lots of help, but will feel a a little more settled and have a better idea how she can help you.

Anonymous wrote:The hotel idea sounds bad. Ask MIL only to come. Get DH to tell FIL it will be crazy with the newborn crying all the time and that for the sake of his eardrums he should visit after things settle down.

It is wonderful to have help after birth if the person is helpful, which it sounds like MIL is. An extra pair of hands to cook, do laundry, look after the baby so you can catch up on sleep.

OP, just because it doesn't seem like this was really your idea but rather your husbands...I just wanted to chime in with my preference being basically the opposite of this in case it helps validate any feelings.

My mom came and stayed with us and while I appreciated her help (and am lucky to have that kind of relationship with my mom), my husband and I could have gotten by just fine. I would have preferred the two (three!) of us getting into our new rhythm solo and then welcome people later.

Still would have accepted help when they came later, of course , but would have preferred that sleepy first week or two to be just my new family.

...Also, not to be "that" person but do NOT let your MIL's presence be a stand-in for all the work your husband should be doing alongside of you. (At least if he has leave.)

It's rude to ask MIL to stay in the house while FIL has to stay in a hotel.

You can get by asking that only MIL comes during the early days. Couch it as needing her help, not a social visit. That's what my MIL did after our first was born. FIL stayed home.

But yeah, I was nursing on demand and unfazed with MIL's presence. But it would be so awkward with FIL there too.

Alternatively, just wait and see how you feel after you get home. No need to have someone there unless there're unforeseen issues.

Anonymous wrote:The hotel idea sounds bad. Ask MIL only to come. Get DH to tell FIL it will be crazy with the newborn crying all the time and that for the sake of his eardrums he should visit after things settle down.

It is wonderful to have help after birth if the person is helpful, which it sounds like MIL is. An extra pair of hands to cook, do laundry, look after the baby so you can catch up on sleep.

+1

Either they both stay in a hotel or they don't come, don't think any way to get around that. (They may prefer staying in a hotel anyway to get a break from the baby.)

But +1 to those warning you may not want folks in your house. I didn't!

If you are breastfeeding, you will be topless most of the first few weeks. I’m not joking, they cluster feed a lot and also skin to skin is the best for helping your milk come in. How do you feel about being top less around your MIL? You don’t want to feel trapped in your bedroom or like you need to cover up because that may hurt the breastfeeding.