To answer your original question: you aren’t seeing kids who are average at anything because you had to move to the “best” neighborhood for the “best” schools. Yes? And then wonder why the competition is so stiff?

My kids go to a more average MCPS high school and there are lots of kids involved in sports and arts and music regardless of their superstar abilities.

Anonymous wrote:The funny thing is most of the kids will be wiped out by 12-13 anyway making room for new talent to emerge

Agreed. You are not accounting for how many kids burn out emotionally or physically after being pushed way too early to get hyper competitive in a sport or whatever.

I think this is all about perspective. It depends on what you value as "exceptional" and "average". And it's all relative--a kid may be a big fish in a small pond in one environment and totally average in another.

Weird...most kids I know are pretty average, including my own (I don't look at this as a flaw). I coach soccer and I would say 1/5 of my players are above average. That may be the only thing they are above average at as well. I would say my oldest child is way above average with kindness and social emotional skills- I'll take it!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?

I mean, I do think we are seeing the impact of certain hyper-competitive parenting approaches, some of which yes, were associated with some immigrant communities, and created a kind of race to the bottom. But it's also all spurred by this belief in socioeconomic mobility which makes people in the US (whether immigrants or not) believe that if they can just position their children appropriately, success and riches will follow. And this implies that if you don't position your kids correctly, failure and poverty could follow.

It seems like it's driven by opportunity but it's actually driven by fear of failure. It's capitalism run amok.

This person is signaling 2nd gen Indians

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so hard. I hate hearing my ten year old say he is too old to try a new sport, but I hate even more than he is right.

What??

I started taking ballet lessons at 28. No, I wasn't going to be a prima ballerina, but I could have fun, use my body, and learn something. Isn't that the point??

I’m sorry but he’s right! My son is 14 years old and he cannot start on a sport now because every other kid has already been doing it for 10 years and since there are no other kids starting off, he would be the worst kid by far. There are no beginners and that makes it very hard for anybody wanting to start off. for example, my son can’t start on football right now, because everybody else is much more experience. I’m talking county rec teams and forget about high school football , there’s just no room for him on the team.

He can do XC and track.

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?

I mean, I do think we are seeing the impact of certain hyper-competitive parenting approaches, some of which yes, were associated with some immigrant communities, and created a kind of race to the bottom. But it's also all spurred by this belief in socioeconomic mobility which makes people in the US (whether immigrants or not) believe that if they can just position their children appropriately, success and riches will follow. And this implies that if you don't position your kids correctly, failure and poverty could follow.

It seems like it's driven by opportunity but it's actually driven by fear of failure. It's capitalism run amok.

Why exactly does "not excelling in some obvious way" equal "doomed"?

I feel like some people's definition of success is crazy narrow.

You can work hard and get fine grades, run cross-country casually or even (gasp) not do a high school sport, participate in extra curriculars because you enjoy them and not because you're trying to pad a college application.

You can go to a perfectly fine university where you can get a good education and be prepared for a productive and interesting career. You might not make enough to live inside the beltway or send your kids to private school. This is okay. Most people don't.

You can do all of these things while being average.

If your definition of success is being able to feel superior to your neighbors through your child's accomplishments, that's pretty grim.

There are several 13 year olds that just joined my son’s soccer team. My 15 year old neighbor just took a golf class for the first time. My 8th grader played flag football for the first time this season. It takes courage to start late, but plenty of kids do it.

Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?

The funny thing is most of the kids will be wiped out by 12-13 anyway making room for new talent to emerge

I will note here that once kids get to HS, if they want to participate in a sport or activity on a rec-league or hobby level, there will be more opportunities for them via adult leagues and classes.

Like the PP who said she started taking ballet at 28. There are lots of adult beginner ballet classes, and a 15 year old could take one of those, too. Same with rec-league basketball or golf, or picking up an instrument. You can just adopt it as a hobby. You don't have to be on the swim team to go swim at the local pool for relaxation and exercise. Adults mostly figure this out but teens can do the same.

I think there's an awkward period from late elementary through middle school where those options aren't really available to a lot of kids because they are too young for adult hobbyist leagues and classes, but the age-appropriate opportunities are all populated by kids who have been doing it since preschool and/or have access to private lessons and other supports.

I think this can also apply for certain academics. I know people who were never considered high level readers or writers but then volunteered for the school newspaper or lit journal in HS and became distinguished writers even though they weren't considered "the best writer" in their grade ever. Math and science might be harder because the progression is more rigid and if you want to go into engineering or a hard science, you may need to apply directly to that program in college with certain prerequisites. But not every kid is trying to go into STEM, and even those that do can get into less competitive programs or pursue adjacent fields (like major in statistics instead of math, or pursue instructional design instead of computer programming). The world is not nearly so narrow as people make it out to be when they talk about the career prospects of 5th graders.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so hard. I hate hearing my ten year old say he is too old to try a new sport, but I hate even more than he is right.

What??

I started taking ballet lessons at 28. No, I wasn't going to be a prima ballerina, but I could have fun, use my body, and learn something. Isn't that the point??

I’m sorry but he’s right! My son is 14 years old and he cannot start on a sport now because every other kid has already been doing it for 10 years and since there are no other kids starting off, he would be the worst kid by far. There are no beginners and that makes it very hard for anybody wanting to start off. for example, my son can’t start on football right now, because everybody else is much more experience. I’m talking county rec teams and forget about high school football , there’s just no room for him on the team.

Yes 14 is too old unless he’s an athletic freak and that could possibly happen in football or basketball but 10 is certainly not too old to try many sports

You all need to do. Double take and breath out

It's so tough. I would say it's the area, but my siblings live in a different part of the country that is not associated with hyper competitive culture like the DMV, and they are the same way.

I think my kid is average but I mean that in a good way. She's on grade level academically. She is good but not great at her extra-curriculars -- she puts a lot of effort in and adds skills all the time, but she doesn't have some virtuosic ability. With both academics and ECs, I think where she goes with them will be a function of how much she works at it and how long she focuses on them.

Most adults are average. I am average. But I have a happy and successful life because I'm diligent and keep at things. Same with my DH. We're not millionaires or famous or at the top of our fields, but I don't think either of us want that (well I'd take $$$ of course but I'm not interested in competing to the point of sacrificing my free time and happiness to get it).

But yeah, the way people talk about kids now, like they are all the next Stephen Hawking or Serena Williams or whatever -- it's unrealistic. Most of these kids have the capacity to be have stable careers and nice personal lives. Some very small percent will sky rocket past that based on merit, luck, or most likely a combination thereof. Trying to ensure your kid is one of those few seems foolish to me. To what end? I'm not sure it even makes you any happier than you would be otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so hard. I hate hearing my ten year old say he is too old to try a new sport, but I hate even more than he is right.

What??

I started taking ballet lessons at 28. No, I wasn't going to be a prima ballerina, but I could have fun, use my body, and learn something. Isn't that the point??

I’m sorry but he’s right! My son is 14 years old and he cannot start on a sport now because every other kid has already been doing it for 10 years and since there are no other kids starting off, he would be the worst kid by far. There are no beginners and that makes it very hard for anybody wanting to start off. for example, my son can’t start on football right now, because everybody else is much more experience. I’m talking county rec teams and forget about high school football , there’s just no room for him on the team.

My brother was always coordinated/athletic but never into sports as a kid. We were an active family. Started playing flag football in college with his fraternity and quickly realized he was the best player. That opened him up to playing every sport there is, albeit on a rec level, throughout his 20s, meeting lots of friends, staying in shape and having a blast. High school is not the end of your life.