Anonymous wrote:Op here - I appreciate the different perspectives. I don’t assume he’s a bad teacher, I allow for the possibility that my child isn’t giving me an accurate report, but I still conclude that whatever is happening is hurting his self-esteem. Easier said than done to communicate with the teacher behind his back - i need him to trust me enough to confide in me in the future, so if something more serious ever comes up he doesn’t bypass me because he knows he can’t trust me to keep my word. I really was just venting because it sucks to have your kid cry about non-academic school issues.

I am sorry you and your son are going through this OP. I have a 14 yo who has had issues with certain teachers but he has never come home crying.
The crying is what I would want to address with my son.

As others have mentioned there are only a few weeks left in school. And frankly, I have heard from enough kids that there is a real feeling that certain teachers will only make their lives harder if the parent interferes. So I would respect your son and not talk to the teacher at this point. It is too late to change classes and it is likely too late to change the dynamic between your kid and the teacher. However, I would try to figure out why my 12 yo is crying at home. My best guess is that this is all overwhelming him and after holding it together at school (I am assuming he is not crying at school) he just breaks down at home. Maybe you can help him find better ways to cope with this. There is always someone we don't get along with and sometimes all we can do is control our emotions. He's giving this teacher control over him outside of the classroom. I am sure you have some great tools you can share with him.

And as for people saying it is probably your kid. It very well may be, but it is probably the teacher as well. My son has a teacher who introduced herself on day one as the "mean teacher". Who says that? Most teachers are wonderful but there are some bad apples out there and there's not much we can do but teach our kids to cope. My son said he wished he didn't have her, but I reminded him if we switched him out of that class he would lose access to some of the other great teachers he has (his school has a team model, so to get a new teacher for that class he would have had to switch teams).

Good luck OP, middle school years can be hard.

If he doesn't want you to intervene, could brainstorm with him on ways that he can deal with the problem on his own? Maybe he can very politely talk to the teacher and let her know that her actions are hard on him, maybe he can vent to another teacher if he has a good relationship with them, etc.

These situations can be tough b/c sometimes there is an issue with the teacher and sometimes there is an issue with behavior or anxiety. Do you know any other parents with kids in that class? What one kid thinks it getting "picked on" might just be something as simple as being expected to follow the rules.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I appreciate the different perspectives. I don’t assume he’s a bad teacher, I allow for the possibility that my child isn’t giving me an accurate report, but I still conclude that whatever is happening is hurting his self-esteem. Easier said than done to communicate with the teacher behind his back - i need him to trust me enough to confide in me in the future, so if something more serious ever comes up he doesn’t bypass me because he knows he can’t trust me to keep my word. I really was just venting because it sucks to have your kid cry about non-academic school issues.

I think that it would be worthwhile to revisit the topic with your son and tell him that you have done some more thinking about it and that you would like to ask the teacher about it. I'd try to honor your son's confiding in you, but, let him know that as his parent that you have a responsibility to look out for his best interest and that you can do so in a way that is respectful and will not risk him being punished or ostracized further. Maybe you could write up what you intend to ask or how you intend to address and share it with your son to help him feel more comfortable? Invite him into the process so that he can feel some degree or ownership or comfort over how it is handled and show him you have his back and will support him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public school teachers are very low quality as they are having recruiting challenges don't be afraid to call out this teacher for disciplinary actions and firing

I wonder if sentiments like this are at all related to recruiting challenges?

+100

Anonymous wrote:Public school teachers are very low quality as they are having recruiting challenges don't be afraid to call out this teacher for disciplinary actions and firing

I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it if the teachers said public school parents are very low quality. People need to think about their attitudes and how that affects their children and professions that work with kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the teacher make him put vaseline on his face and pick up cotton balls?

Probably not, but it’s the type of micro aggression that racist teachers have done to my Black son.

What about the non-black students that participated?

I referring to the current post and not the cotton game.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the teacher make him put vaseline on his face and pick up cotton balls?

Probably not, but it’s the type of micro aggression that racist teachers have done to my Black son.

What about the non-black students that participated?

I agree with talking to a counselor. The counselor might not be able to fix things but they can screen for more serious issues and hopefully teach coping skills.

And I know this might be controversial but I would let him skip some school sometimes. If it’s just this one teacher during his whole academic career it doesn’t sound like your typical environment that’s challenging but you need to work through it, and we are almost to the end of the year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You definitely need to talk to the teacher, but in a very low key way – I wouldn’t mention that he comes home crying, maybe just that he doesn’t seem very happy and you’re wondering if there is anything going on in the classroom. The response will tell you where to go next.

This. The counselor isn't going to be able to help at this point. Also, it's suspicious that your kid doesn't want you involved. Don't accuse the teacher. It's possible that you haven't heard the real story.

It’s not suspicious at all that the kid doesn’t want her involved. What 12 year old boy wants to admit he had to have his mom rescue him?

+1

Anonymous wrote:Did the teacher make him put vaseline on his face and pick up cotton balls?

Probably not, but it’s the type of micro aggression that racist teachers have done to my Black son.

I would absolutely talk to the counselor. We went through something similar and it was awful for my kid. Does your child have any documented special needs or do you suspect any? ADHD can be related to emotional regulation issues, for example, and going though the IEP process (even if your son ultimately doesn't get one) may help shed some light on his needs. I am not letting the teacher off the hook here but sometimes they need help understanding what a particular student needs to thrive.

We ended up leaving APS for private but I don't think this is an APS issue. It's a problem in public schools with large sizes classes and under-resourced, inexperienced teachers.

I'm sorry your son is going through this.

Op here - I appreciate the different perspectives. I don’t assume he’s a bad teacher, I allow for the possibility that my child isn’t giving me an accurate report, but I still conclude that whatever is happening is hurting his self-esteem. Easier said than done to communicate with the teacher behind his back - i need him to trust me enough to confide in me in the future, so if something more serious ever comes up he doesn’t bypass me because he knows he can’t trust me to keep my word. I really was just venting because it sucks to have your kid cry about non-academic school issues.

Anonymous wrote:Public school teachers are very low quality as they are having recruiting challenges don't be afraid to call out this teacher for disciplinary actions and firing

I wonder if sentiments like this are at all related to recruiting challenges?

Public school teachers are very low quality as they are having recruiting challenges don't be afraid to call out this teacher for disciplinary actions and firing