Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this regret about not having a third (am now 45).
It would have killed my career esp during covid, plus one of my kids (they are 7 and 9) has adhd and needs extra attn. BUT I still find myself thinking about this every day. Anyone else in the same boat? How do I get past this feeling? URGH.

No. I'm very thankful for not having another one. I love my kids but having kids gives lot of stress and drains lot of money. We are donut hole family so literally spent a fortune on colleges.

You aren't a donut hole family. You are a comfortable family who choose expensive schools for your kids.

Pardon my ignorance but what is a donut hole family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this regret about not having a third (am now 45).
It would have killed my career esp during covid, plus one of my kids (they are 7 and 9) has adhd and needs extra attn. BUT I still find myself thinking about this every day. Anyone else in the same boat? How do I get past this feeling? URGH.

No. I'm very thankful for not having another one. I love my kids but having kids gives lot of stress and drains lot of money. We are donut hole family so literally spent a fortune on colleges.

You aren't a donut hole family. You are a comfortable family who choose expensive schools for your kids.

You have two great kids. Be thankful.

Have another kid.

We had secondary infertility and never had a second. There’s no magic solution, OP. You have to intentionally replace the sad feelings with being grateful for what you have and focusing on the benefits of your current family size.

I’m 46 and kids are 20 and 16. We’ve gotten pets and that scratches the itch.

Anonymous wrote:I have this regret about not having a third (am now 45).
It would have killed my career esp during covid, plus one of my kids (they are 7 and 9) has adhd and needs extra attn. BUT I still find myself thinking about this every day. Anyone else in the same boat? How do I get past this feeling? URGH.

You are lucky, count your blessings.

Anonymous wrote:I have this regret about not having a third (am now 45).
It would have killed my career esp during covid, plus one of my kids (they are 7 and 9) has adhd and needs extra attn. BUT I still find myself thinking about this every day. Anyone else in the same boat? How do I get past this feeling? URGH.

No. I'm very thankful for not having another one. I love my kids but having kids gives lot of stress and drains lot of money. We are donut hole family so literally spent a fortune on colleges.

Anonymous wrote:I have this regret about not having a third (am now 45).
It would have killed my career esp during covid, plus one of my kids (they are 7 and 9) has adhd and needs extra attn. BUT I still find myself thinking about this every day. Anyone else in the same boat? How do I get past this feeling? URGH.

These are the easy years - remember what little kids are actually like and you’ll remember why you made this choice. Plus, think of all the fun stuff you can do without a baby holding you back!

I got pregnant unexpectedly at 46 when I had two grown kids already. It is definitely harder to behaving a third child in your late forties. I am still enjoying it very much and so glad our little bundle of joy came along.

I used to feel that way (I'm 43)...but it gets less and less as time goes by. I think things have become a bit more demanding as they've got older. I put my focus on all the pluses of having 2. I do sometimes get pangs of remorse or sadness, but it passes because I know it's more based on fantasy instead of the logical reality. Two is best for our family, regardless of what I might have wanted.

I had this feeling for a few years but my two girls are 12 and 15 now and they are wonderful but still require a lot of my emotional energy. There are still moments even now where I’m not sure where I’d find the energy to deal with a third human. So I’m glad we stopped. And it allows us to pay for more things for them since we don’t have unlimited funds.

Multiple kids with ADHD is rough, ask me how I know.

I deeply regret having kids at all. At least you don’t feel like that?

I’m in my 50’s and that regret and longing for another child has never disappeared. Of course I had to accept it wasn’t to be, but I do wish we could have had one more.