Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 19:47     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
Be white thin and dress decently. Then you should be golden
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 19:24     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
Anonymous wrote:The kids play outside unstructured in my neighborhood but it only leads to bullying and drama, “he took my stuff,” even though we’re all in very similar 3 bedroom THs, some kids just don’t seem to have any toys or anything to share so they just take and act entitled to other kids’ stuff.


+1

This is true, actually.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 19:23     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have been here about a year now - tea plants from Midwest with two elementary kids and a middle schooler in Fairfax area. We are finding everyone seems very scheduled with lots of activities, and while realtor who found us this place to rent while we look to buy more permanently told us our neighborhood is full of kids the kiddos at my kids school who they play with seem too busy during the week and weekends for impromptu play dates. There’s no one just biking around etc., unstructured get togethers or last minute stopping by after the bus stop kind of thing. Everyone has tutoring, multiple sports or one sport with additional coaching, instruments, tutors. It honestly makes my head spin. My husband and I both have advanced degrees and are by no means slacking here, but we feel very caught off guard by the pace of it all. It is even hard to find time to get to know the other parents at school and in the neighborhood because they just don’t seem to be around walking or in community.

I’m wondering: is this just our neighborhood and maybe we can look elsewhere? Or is this just a culture shift in this area we need to get used to?

It’s a rat race to nowhere. Get used to it


x100000
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 19:22     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have been here about a year now - tea plants from Midwest with two elementary kids and a middle schooler in Fairfax area. We are finding everyone seems very scheduled with lots of activities, and while realtor who found us this place to rent while we look to buy more permanently told us our neighborhood is full of kids the kiddos at my kids school who they play with seem too busy during the week and weekends for impromptu play dates. There’s no one just biking around etc., unstructured get togethers or last minute stopping by after the bus stop kind of thing. Everyone has tutoring, multiple sports or one sport with additional coaching, instruments, tutors. It honestly makes my head spin. My husband and I both have advanced degrees and are by no means slacking here, but we feel very caught off guard by the pace of it all. It is even hard to find time to get to know the other parents at school and in the neighborhood because they just don’t seem to be around walking or in community.

I’m wondering: is this just our neighborhood and maybe we can look elsewhere? Or is this just a culture shift in this area we need to get used to?


I'm from the South and it's a complete culture difference. There is no breathing room or relaxation in that area. You are in the rat race, if you want out move like I did.


I disagree. I’m from the south and where I’m from, kids are just as scheduled. A lot of pressure, tutoring, difficult private school admissions etc. It’s a socioeconomic difference. Move to a poor part of DC and guarantee you the kids aren’t scheduled. Any place with dual income parents with good jobs = over scheduled kids. This is every metro area across the country.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 19:20     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
I don’t think it’s just the activities.

DC is very transient and I find a lot of people aren’t in the market for friends.

Dual income families where both parents work demanding jobs and have 2 kids. There simply isn’t time for friends and fun.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 19:16     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
The kids play outside unstructured in my neighborhood but it only leads to bullying and drama, “he took my stuff,” even though we’re all in very similar 3 bedroom THs, some kids just don’t seem to have any toys or anything to share so they just take and act entitled to other kids’ stuff.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 17:51     Subject: Re:New to Are: How to Meet Families?
We moved back to the Midwest from DC to raise our kids to get out of the rat race. There’s still plenty of UMC professionals where we live now but it’s just less intense as in DC. Lots of kids out and about in the neighborhood and riding bikes, knocking on each others doors to play.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 15:50     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
Anonymous wrote:We have been here about a year now - tea plants from Midwest with two elementary kids and a middle schooler in Fairfax area. We are finding everyone seems very scheduled with lots of activities, and while realtor who found us this place to rent while we look to buy more permanently told us our neighborhood is full of kids the kiddos at my kids school who they play with seem too busy during the week and weekends for impromptu play dates. There’s no one just biking around etc., unstructured get togethers or last minute stopping by after the bus stop kind of thing. Everyone has tutoring, multiple sports or one sport with additional coaching, instruments, tutors. It honestly makes my head spin. My husband and I both have advanced degrees and are by no means slacking here, but we feel very caught off guard by the pace of it all. It is even hard to find time to get to know the other parents at school and in the neighborhood because they just don’t seem to be around walking or in community.

I’m wondering: is this just our neighborhood and maybe we can look elsewhere? Or is this just a culture shift in this area we need to get used to?


I'm from the South and it's a complete culture difference. There is no breathing room or relaxation in that area. You are in the rat race, if you want out move like I did.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 14:15     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
My impression is that the burbs where people have to drive a lot are more like this than in DC proper, where I live, but I'm sure it varies quite a bit neighborhood to neighborhood.

I'll say that whenever a parent in the neighborhood or a room parent proposes something like "hey we'll be at the playground from 10-12 on Saturday, hope to see you there!" a lot of people show up. There's is a craving for the kind of community you seek, it just needs someone organized enough to propose it. It was actually better during covid when the kids roamed the neighborhood. Now they are back to being overly scheduled. My oldest in 8th grade can now take buses or metro to visit friends, which is nice.

Finding people can happen at schools, shared activities, Scouts is a big one to religious organizations, but for impromptu hangouts, neighbors within walking distance are gold.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 14:06     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
We live in Reston and our neighborhood is filled with kids. They're out every single day playing and parents chit chat at the bus stop and along the trails. But "impromptu" hanging out with adults happens very rarely. We have one set of neighbors who we will hang out with, but it's usually a few times a year.

We made friends with families who have kids on my kids' teams. Swim team is a big one, we meet up at the pools just about daily in the summer.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 13:47     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
Anonymous wrote:This is very common in DC. “Impromptu” is not something most people do here. Ask your kid to ask their friends what group activities they do (swim at X, soccer class at 10am through Y, etc) and then try to join some of those classes. You and other parents will be waiting around for the kids in the classes and chat then. People are very friendly, but yes, we sign up for weekend activities in 4 month chunks in advance


Depends on your neighborhood. We have plenty of impromptu stuff fir the ES kids. Get together with neighbors and go to the park at 7 to hang out with some kids we know. One parent takes the kids to the bus stop and we got to know the group that way. I also invited at least 10 kids from my DDs class this year for a planned weeknight or weekend playdate (some multiple) to foster friendships.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 13:43     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
Kids are structured here. There are no free range kids to play with. It’s a sad fact of life here. I suggest Rec sports.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 13:39     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
I would focus on the people who live near to you. Invite them a few times for low-key stuff like pizza and hanging out.

If anyone asks you for help with childcare, picking up a kid when they are in a pinch, etc., step right up. This is a great way to befriend people. If the school has any half days, it's great to offer to the other moms that you can take their kids for the half day.

Have you joined the PTA? That can be a good way.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 13:15     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
Anonymous wrote:Activities and get togethers are different. Here everything has to be an activity. As in “pay. Fee for x number of weeks of this activity”. All activities are somehow structured and supervised by some sort of hired person— rec league, professional league, parent volunteer for scouts, swim team in summer, etc. etc. There is no impromptu anything. Families generally do not hang out with other families. Unless the connections were formed outside of the kids.


This is not true in my neighborhood. We do lots of family hang outs with neighbors!

But I would say that rec sports, centered around people at your school, is a good place to start.

Also, if you want to host impromptu gatherings, just start inviting. You might need to make it pretty formal at first, but over time these things can hang on. The key in my circles is living walking distance to each other.

I do think this is due in part to both of your questions. It's the area (DC can be intense, welcome!) and the neighborhood.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2023 13:11     Subject: New to Are: How to Meet Families?
Anonymous wrote:Don’t your kids have activities?

We’re in MD and our kids are busy with travel sports and other activities but we have kids near us that my kids hang out with.

My kids walk home too and often walk together with friends.

Join community events or get on ur neighborhood Listserv or fb group. Have u actually tried to coordinate with any families and are being rebuffed all the time or don’t bother because you know they’re busy?

“Walking home” is classic suggestion— this is the only free time your kid has outside of travel soccer and their 10000 other activities. I think OP is spot on with how this is what lends itself to them not meeting other families to socialize with.