Hang in there, OP, and ignore the rude answers.

This seems simplistic, but sports is a really good anti-anxiety remedy. It doesn't have to organized, high level travel sports, but something fun she can do with friends on a regular basis, like Sunday morning basketball or a dance class.

I agree I'd talk to the pediatrician and consider a therapist.

Also, if you've talked to the school counselor and gotten no help, and the teacher is either unaware or doesn't care about the issues... is a school change an option?

We are dealing with a younger DD having similar issues, especially the school dislike, and the therapist straight up suggested that we might want to consider that she is right about the school. It's hard because it's a regular public school, not spectacular but not terrible either. Teachers are committed, if overworked. Administration is mediocre. Communication from the school is poor, which has made it hard to try and address these issues.

But the gist of it seems to be that there is very little joy in school and a lot of... not sure how to put it but I'll go with "strife". The school schedule isn't great. They don't get enough time for art or being outdoors, IMO. They are pretty focused on testing, like seemingly all public schools, and that means a lot of learning is pretty rote and not very engaging. She's also struggle with finding a sense of belonging socially. She gets along with other kids and has friends, but I don't think she feels like she has a role.

So we're exploring other options. We just started, so still in the beginning stages. But just throwing this out there as an option -- maybe she dislikes school because the school is a bad fit for her.

Anonymous wrote:Is your DD taking Topomax or Gabapentin? These can both affect mood, especially the Topomax, which can cause mood swings. Please talk to her neurologist.

No not topamax, zonagram. I will def talk to neurologist and pediatrician, thank you all.

Is your DD taking Topomax or Gabapentin? These can both affect mood, especially the Topomax, which can cause mood swings. Please talk to her neurologist.

Anonymous wrote:I am at my wits end with what to do about my 10 year old. She hates school but won’t tell me why. She says she hates learning - that is the most detail I can get. I talked to the teacher and she says she is doing fine and her grades are sufficient (not excelling but fine.) I went with her on a Field trip and observed that she seemed to be getting along with other kids fine. She hates getting out of bed. Hates going to school in the morning. She hates showering. She hates brushing her hair. And by hate, I mean she throws terrible tantrums (not appropriate for a ten year old) and goes to school dirty looking unkempt and late.

At home, she is just angry so often. She bosses around her sister, steals from her, and occasionally lies. She throws tantrums about food choices.

She eats well, sleeps plenty, she could exercise more but we do what we can with our schedules. She is on epilepsy meds (for rare seizures) but otherwise healthy.

I’ve tried to to handle this in different ways but I think it is beyond me and i wish I knew how to make her less angry and frustrated all the time. Should I ask for a guidance counselor evaluation? A psychiatrist? Any tips appreciated.

As others have said, pediatrician. Sounds like anxiety and potentially ADHD

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that many physical disorders are routinely misdiagnosed as psychiatric issues. For example, thyroid imbalances are more likely to be treated as depression and anxiety. If you are local, how about going to a functional medicine doctor? Sterling Family Practice take insurance, and are the only ones I've found who do so.

+1 million. In addition, many (or most) psychiatric issues in actuality ARE physical disorders, except that the impact is on the brain. But most professionals, or even people in general,do not see it this way

Great thank you all for the insight la on what oaths to follow. I will look into all this.

The first place I would start was the neurologist. Could the meds be causing this? Could the seizures not be controlled and dosing needs to be changed? Also, you should be reaching out to academic teaching hospitals for resources. After neurologist, you need a neuropsych evaluation by a psychologist.

OP, does she use electronics?

My 9 year old was like this. Screaming, crying, refusal to get out of bed and go to school (despite being super smart). Tons of school avoidance and anger.

We did months of therapy, utilized the school counselor, got a 504, had a full neuropsych done. None of it helped.

We cut out all screens and 72 hours later had a totally different kid. I was SHOCKED at how drastic the change was. Later the therapist said she's seen similar drastic changes in other kids as well.

Your DD sounds like ours at 10. It got worse before it got better.

It is good that they do well with peers and at school but they are clearly really dysregulated, especially at home.

What helped for us, especially at that age, was DBT training (the parent/child curricula) for myself and my husband. I can well image you have generally good parenting skills but kids like that need a whole different level of engagement/management. Even if you can change your approach to her just a bit, it can make a big impact on her behavior. Ultimately, she will also benefit from DBT skills training for herself but parents need it first.

The problem, of course, is that you may not be able to find a DBT program where you are in Maine. I'm not sure how to help with this. I'm not sure if there is an online option somewhere.

One other quick suggestion is the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. I highly recommend reading that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I missed the part where you have talked to the pediatrician, the school counselor, and the therapist that they recommend. That is obviously where you need to start, and I can’t believe it’s gotten so bad without taking those basic steps. She needs your help. Help her. Get her help.

I actually did talk to the school counselor and they said they were more or less too busy to help. I asked for referrals or some kind of recommendation for a local pediatric psychiatrist and they said they don’t keep a list like that. I also reached out to Maine health insurance to see if there are providers and in fact, there really aren’t any not many at all pediatric counselors the county I live in not in the DMV has a shortage of mental health counselors in general not just for kids, I tried a remote mental health counselor for someone in New Jersey. A few states away and that did not work out because it was not good to do it over the phone or zoom. It just didn’t work.

j

A developmental pediatrician could help. Some of the things you’re describing could be related to the seizures. Could also be other developmental issues. Could just need parent training to learn more effective ways of handling these situations. The seizures add an aspect to your situation where I’d start with pediatrician, neurologist, or developmental pediatrician to consider those effects first. The developmental pediatrician can look at other possible underlying issues too but regardless of the outcomes I’d consider parent training.

If her daughter has one of the common types of benign childhood seizure disorders that is typically outgrown by adulthood, her behavior is likely unrelated.

You always eliminate medical reasons before treating other behavioral concerns. Just saying it’s likely unrelated so we aren’t going to check it doesn’t count.

Keep in mind that many physical disorders are routinely misdiagnosed as psychiatric issues. For example, thyroid imbalances are more likely to be treated as depression and anxiety. If you are local, how about going to a functional medicine doctor? Sterling Family Practice take insurance, and are the only ones I've found who do so.

Sounds like ADD.

You should move this to the special needs board.

You should take her to a psychologist to be evaluated. This isn't going to get better without intervention. in fact, it will get worse in MS. Get ahead of this before she starts school refusal.

Anonymous wrote:You could try this book or another book in this series. I helped my daughter a lot at that age.

https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Your-Temper-Flares/dp/1433801345/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?crid=1YOLZ7R41Z9M1&keywords=what+to+do+when+you+worry+too+much&qid=1684154455&s=books&sprefix=what+to+%2Caps%2C189&sr=1-5

My daughter was ultimately diagnosed with depression and anxiety by a psychiatrist. The book series I linked teaches cognitive behavioral therapy techniques which is used frequently in therapy.

Thanks for this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I missed the part where you have talked to the pediatrician, the school counselor, and the therapist that they recommend. That is obviously where you need to start, and I can’t believe it’s gotten so bad without taking those basic steps. She needs your help. Help her. Get her help.

I actually did talk to the school counselor and they said they were more or less too busy to help. I asked for referrals or some kind of recommendation for a local pediatric psychiatrist and they said they don’t keep a list like that. I also reached out to Maine health insurance to see if there are providers and in fact, there really aren’t any not many at all pediatric counselors the county I live in not in the DMV has a shortage of mental health counselors in general not just for kids, I tried a remote mental health counselor for someone in New Jersey. A few states away and that did not work out because it was not good to do it over the phone or zoom. It just didn’t work.

Maine?

. Sorry it was supposed to be “my” (voice to text error)