Anonymous wrote:Would you do it? I'm an older FTM but not sure if it's best to wait a little longer to have a second child. If we start trying now the smallest gap will be 21 months, which would be great in the long term but I'm not sure how much harder it would be in the short term.

When they were young, it was the closest to "losing it" I think I have ever experienced. It is hard, like you feel like you are dying hard. lol

My brother and I are 21 months apart and the only issue was that my mom kicked my brother out of the crib so I could have it.

My kids are 21 months apart. It was hardish when they were little, but not significant harder than it would have been if they had been 2.5 years apart or something. Unless time is on your side and you can plan for a bigger gap (~3.5 years), I would just go for it. They are now 4 and 6 and great buddies!

Mine are 22 months apart and then the baby was born 3 years later. The older two have always been like two peas in a pod. We love how close they are together and I don't think it was hard. When they're close in age, you can just line them up like little ducks. You read the same books, brush teeth at the same time, baths together.

I have 2 24 months apart (a boy and girl). They are now 8 and 10 and the best of friends with same interests. It’s great. As some said, a bit grueling in the early years but it pays off pretty quickly.

I think there is no perfect spacing and so much depends on your age and how well you've recovered from the first pg, how easy/hard the babies are, are working and how much help do you have.

All else being equal, generally, I'd say the older you are the more I'd say start ASAP.

FWIW, anything about having them closer or farther apart to benefit or not the sibling relationship IMO means nothing. So much of that is about the individual personalities of the particular kids. My sister and I are 20 months apart and always the best of friends. My kids are 15 mos apart and, while they get along OK, they would never be the other's first choice of someone to hang out with. Just very different people.

We did 15 months between 1 and 2 and then 23 months between 2 and 3, so we had 3 kids in 3.5 years. It was pure bedlam and insanity for the first two years or so and then it became so awesome! It’s great to travel with kids who have the same interest, to read aloud a book that is appropriate for everyone, to sign them up for the same camp, swim team, etc, They are so close and I hope that will continue for their whole lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW at least 24 months is considered better for both children.

By whom? I thought the 24+ month recommendations was for the mother’s body to recover. My sister and I are 18 months apart and it’s wonderful FWIW. My mom is a twin and also has a wonderful relationship with her sister.

I read, while I was having my daugters 21 months apart, that having kids less than 24 months apart affects one or the others IQ. I'd like to say it's the eldest child, but that just could be because I'm 15 months younger than my sister.

my sibling and I are irish twins. Mom said it was hard when we were young, but the older we got the easier it got and by the time we were about 3/4 or 4/5 it got noticeably easier.

She said the one saving grace of the younger years was that I (the older one) was glued to her hip so wherever she was with the baby I was there too. She didn't have to worry about me getting into something I shouldn't or hurting myself.

Some things that probably made it easier - both sets of grandparents lived in walking distance and didn't work. Mom & dad worked separate shifts and dad was very hands on in the mornings once he got home from work in terms of prepping for the day and daycare drop off. My parents also had years of fertility issues so they may have just been so excited to have kids that even all the struggles were seen through rose colored glasses.

If you’re lucky enough to have a “chill baby” and a helpful partner, it could go really well. If god forbid the child has any specials needs or complications, it could be a very rough few years.

The thing is - whether you have them 12 months apart, or 12 years apart, you will NEVER KNOW what life is like any other way and you will make the best of it. There are good parts and not so good parts.

The same goes for questions around having two of the same sex, two different sexes, twins after a singleton...

Mine are 21 months apart and it’s currently a nonstop circus. It would be better if my youngest (now 1yo) didn’t have such awful separation anxiety and scream every time we went out of the room. I’m anxiously awaiting for it to “get easier” when they can really play together.

2 of mine (I have 5) are 21 months apart B/G. They're incredibly close. They do everything together and have been this way since the younger one was born. I liked that they went through the stages together and that we got that over with at that same time. The first 12 weeks are always challenging and then you get into the groove of things and it becomes easier.

Mine are 23 mo apart (took a long time to get pregnant with the first so we didn’t want to wait too long the second time- but got pregnant immediately). The first two years are pretty hard but now it’s great. I wasn’t a SAHM though; I think it would be much harder without childcare for the older one

My 2 DCs are 28 months apart, I was sahm and DH could help before and after work but the early years were really tough. I had very limited time taking care DC1 and had to put DC2 on strict feeding schedule but still couldn’t manage both DCs well. If your DH wfh or you have relative or nanny then it would be much better, otherwise I would suggest wait when your oldest goes to school full day ( that’s what my cousin did and it worked really well).