*has no effect

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what world do you live where you thought telling your parents how to spend their money was a good idea?

+1

Your mother is right that you do come across as feeling entitled to their money. You really don’t get to have an opinion about their financial relationship with your brother, and you also don’t get to resent it. What a strange and abnormal reaction.

See a therapist to work through your dysfunction and warped thinking. You sound like you’re trapped in some long-established patterns and you aren’t healthy, mentally.

I am an only child, so I’m coming at this with no personal baggage over the issue. But I think your response is actually abnormal. It’s totally unreasonable to expect that a person would have no opinion what so ever, and not have their feelings at all hurt by their parents investing the majority of their resources in a sibling. Whether the resource is money, time, etc. OP’s mother has clearly shown that she prefers using her resources to support brother.

Of course OP cannot dictate what her mother does and should not throw a tantrum over this. But OP’s mother isn’t entitled to live in a vacuum where her treatment of one child has not affect on her relationship with her other child. I am a mother of 3 and very aware that even my young children are looking for some sort of parity in how I treat them. And there’s no shortage of adults in therapy or posting on this board about their issues rising from being treated less than compared to their siblings. Favoring one child is going to breed resentment and as a parent you need to learn to live with the outcome of your actions. It is OP’s mother who is acting entitled.

Anonymous wrote:It's her money, you have zero say in how she spends it.

Of course she had zero say. But her mom surely realizes you can’t greatly favor child A and expect no hurt feelings from child B. That is totally unrealistic.

OP’s mom is entitled to spend her time and money how she wishes. OP is entitled to her feelings in response.

sorry, pp here, lot of typos there. *that wouldn't sting, on your child's behalf?*

I've never seen these, or the final wills threads, as being about the money. You never see these OPs saying "I really want that money. I need the money." Because it not usually about that. It's about the meaning behind the money and what it communicates to all of the parties involved. It's such a simplistic way of looking at family dynamics to say "they can spend their money however they want, you're not entitled to it." Thinking another way - all of you would be OK with one niece from a sibling getting money from a will, one nephew from another sibling getting money from a will, and your child being left out. You're telling me that would be OK with you? That would sting, on your child's behalf? That's all people are reacting to - that sting of not being treated in a way that says "I love you, too."

In what universe does anybody imagine the deadbeat brother will be handing OP’s parents as they age?

You’re spending all of your energy getting mad at your mother while your brother sits there all quiet and innocent and gets all the goodies. I bet he has been actively orchestrating this arrangement; badmouthing you to your parents, he probably discovered the info. On your FIL himself and told your mother, “Mom, OP married into a wealthy family and he is all set. Poor me, can you help me since I don’t have a generous FIL too?” Don’t assume your brother is blameless.

Anonymous wrote:In what world do you live where you thought telling your parents how to spend their money was a good idea?

+1

Your mother is right that you do come across as feeling entitled to their money. You really don’t get to have an opinion about their financial relationship with your brother, and you also don’t get to resent it. What a strange and abnormal reaction.

See a therapist to work through your dysfunction and warped thinking. You sound like you’re trapped in some long-established patterns and you aren’t healthy, mentally.

Anonymous wrote:You need to let this go, i know in your 1st post you said you can't but you have to. You are killing yourself.

You mom can support your brother as long as she wants, perhaps she enjoys doing it.

I guess you are afraid they will need your money at some point. I'd just say, your right it's your money and my money is my money as long as we agree that I'm not supporting you later in life even if you run through all your money we are good.

You are living in a fake make up in your head future and living in fear and anxiety and resentment because of it... but it is all made up in your head.

Agree. Though I wouldn’t talk about money at all at any point with them. If they need money later, you can decline. But, also do it from a healthy and not bitter place. Or, maybe you’ll want to give them something. Work it out in therapy.

Anonymous wrote:In what world do you live where you thought telling your parents how to spend their money was a good idea?

As a child and young adult this can be hurtful from the figures who chose to take on the task of having/caring for you, knowing that another sibling takes priority through no fault of your own. So I understand the pain.

But at this stage in life, OP has to know this can only be resolved by herself in therapy and that her parents have no answers for her that will satisfy her.

Considering that their finances are a much your business as FIL’ finances are her business, I really don’t see the problem here.

You need to let this go, i know in your 1st post you said you can't but you have to. You are killing yourself.

You mom can support your brother as long as she wants, perhaps she enjoys doing it.

I guess you are afraid they will need your money at some point. I'd just say, your right it's your money and my money is my money as long as we agree that I'm not supporting you later in life even if you run through all your money we are good.

You are living in a fake make up in your head future and living in fear and anxiety and resentment because of it... but it is all made up in your head.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what world do you live where you thought telling your parents how to spend their money was a good idea?

Indeed.

Well, I think the subtext is OP’s lack of confidence in her parent’s financial planning. She doesn’t want to have to foot the bill for them after being drained by the brother.

She does not have to, they are brother’s problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what world do you live where you thought telling your parents how to spend their money was a good idea?

Indeed.

Well, I think the subtext is OP’s lack of confidence in her parent’s financial planning. She doesn’t want to have to foot the bill for them after being drained by the brother.

Anonymous wrote:In what world do you live where you thought telling your parents how to spend their money was a good idea?

Indeed.