Anonymous
Post 05/14/2023 20:47     Subject: younger brother
OP, you sound resentful or hostile—maybe because your brother has all this free time unlike you? Maybe you wish he could help you out instead of just wanting to touch base?

Your attitude towards your brother is coming off as mean. I’m sure you can find a way to nicely let him know you’re almost drowning in tasks and that you’ll touch base when you can.

I understand how much juggling there is. Perhaps you need to see what to tasks you can offload, but don’t take your anger out on others.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 13:50     Subject: younger brother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How do you communicate with him? I'd stop emailing novels or having super long phone calls and switch to daily text messages.

"Hey brother, have a great day" a few times a week. He can update you if he wants, you check it when you want. Send a picture of your kids after work, or your garden, or whatever here and there. He'll feel more connected I'd imagine because you have a sort of daily touch point, but it doesn't have to involve an entire debrief of every single thing that's happening in your life.

If that won't suffice, I'm not sure I have other advice expect ignore the little sad "haven't heard from you in a while" and just keep doing what you're doing.


np Why are you interpreting this as "sad" instead of a positive and happy way?


When someone says it in a happy, positive way, it's normally because they are content with the level of communication that is happening, and yet are still happy to hear from the person when communication picks up.

While I can't be sure because I am not OP, I get the sense that her brother is saying is to convey his disappointment in the level of communication that is happening. More of a small emotional manipulation tool to get his point across that she is failing his expectations.

Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 13:48     Subject: Re:younger brother
Seems like the problem is you. Maybe you are unhappy and stressed in your life? Would you be happy if your brother died tomorrow?. Would you miss him?
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 13:47     Subject: Re:younger brother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You must not have been raised in a loving birth family. Too bad.


OP here. No quite the opposite! Very loving family, but when you are the older sister who has gone on to get married have multiple kids and throw in life, career, cooking ,cleaning, h.w., house repairs, car stuff, and on and on etc... But you have younger siblings who never got married and have all the time in the world, it can get really annoying.


You you you. We get it.



Dp Trust me, I have a sibling like you who thought that my older sibling would want a relationship but, alas even though I am married with children reaching out to say " I hope you are enjoying this beautiful Spring day" is too taxing so she told me to leave her alone. Which I will do, hopefully for the rest of my life.

Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 13:46     Subject: Re:younger brother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You must not have been raised in a loving birth family. Too bad.


OP here. No quite the opposite! Very loving family, but when you are the older sister who has gone on to get married have multiple kids and throw in life, career, cooking ,cleaning, h.w., house repairs, car stuff, and on and on etc... But you have younger siblings who never got married and have all the time in the world, it can get really annoying.


Got it. So, your family was loving but you became a raging biitch. You sound annoying and a failure. Multiple kids? Let me guess? More than 2?
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 13:45     Subject: younger brother
Anonymous wrote:How do you communicate with him? I'd stop emailing novels or having super long phone calls and switch to daily text messages.

"Hey brother, have a great day" a few times a week. He can update you if he wants, you check it when you want. Send a picture of your kids after work, or your garden, or whatever here and there. He'll feel more connected I'd imagine because you have a sort of daily touch point, but it doesn't have to involve an entire debrief of every single thing that's happening in your life.

If that won't suffice, I'm not sure I have other advice expect ignore the little sad "haven't heard from you in a while" and just keep doing what you're doing.


np Why are you interpreting this as "sad" instead of a positive and happy way?
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 13:41     Subject: Re:younger brother
Being connected with your family is a good thing…

Do you live near each other? Do you invite him to your children’s games / activities / etc on occasion? Having a relationship with a loving uncle is a blessing for your kids too…

I can’t imagine being anything but appreciative and excited about a sibling who wanted to stay close / in contact. So weird
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 13:39     Subject: Re:younger brother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You must not have been raised in a loving birth family. Too bad.


OP here. No quite the opposite! Very loving family, but when you are the older sister who has gone on to get married have multiple kids and throw in life, career, cooking ,cleaning, h.w., house repairs, car stuff, and on and on etc... But you have younger siblings who never got married and have all the time in the world, it can get really annoying.


You you you. We get it.

Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 13:38     Subject: younger brother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sister is kind of like this. Tries to keep people connected even though they have kids/full time jobs/busy lives/a lot going on/don't need to be in contact that much and don't want their personal business/current events out there.

She is jobless/childless/doesn't have a lot going on so this is her jam- maybe it is the same for him.



+1 This. He has nothing going on and has always in the past just relied heavily on his family of origin for all of that. In my view, he should or could be living the life, dating, going out with friends or working hard on some type of career related path. Instead he's so focused on being the connector while we are all so damn busy. I wouldn't say he's gossiping per say but why is he giving me a status report of everyone's finances/relationship status, etc... I sure don't want my business out there like that.


family of origin.

That is how your refer to each other? OP, how would you like your children to treat you and their siblings decades from now? As their family of origin in the rearview mirror?
You are not coming across as a kind person. I am sad for your brother.

Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 13:34     Subject: Re:younger brother
Anonymous wrote:Shit, made contact and received back a freaking essay updating me on every person in our family tree including job status/hobbies/relationship status of each person/etc… and of course the obligatory “I haven’t heard from you in awhile so…” Some of you would love this from your sibling but I just need to know your doing okay and for you to live your life. It’s overwhelming to know everything about everyone.


It is SO WEIRD that this is a problem for you. Close/personal relationships are one of the most important parts of life! Unless there is some history here that you’re not telling us about, you are 1000% the strange one in this situation. Good for your brother for reaching out to family and trying to forge connections

This isn’t some random stranger you met at a bus stop, it’s your SIBLING
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 13:25     Subject: Re:younger brother
Anonymous wrote:You must not have been raised in a loving birth family. Too bad.


OP here. No quite the opposite! Very loving family, but when you are the older sister who has gone on to get married have multiple kids and throw in life, career, cooking ,cleaning, h.w., house repairs, car stuff, and on and on etc... But you have younger siblings who never got married and have all the time in the world, it can get really annoying.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 10:18     Subject: Re:younger brother
Anonymous wrote:Shit, made contact and received back a freaking essay updating me on every person in our family tree including job status/hobbies/relationship status of each person/etc… and of course the obligatory “I haven’t heard from you in awhile so…” Some of you would love this from your sibling but I just need to know your doing okay and for you to live your life. It’s overwhelming to know everything about everyone.


I’m confused. As essay, as in it was written? So you didn’t it have to read it? How is that overwhelming?
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 10:10     Subject: younger brother
I think every family has at least one communicator/planner. Getting the recap is less time consuming than speaking to those people yourself. I am the planner in my family. You could gently ask your brother to trim or streamline the info, because it makes you feel overwhelmed. He could also just want to talk to you, and is finding an excuse to call.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 09:45     Subject: Re:younger brother
You must not have been raised in a loving birth family. Too bad.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2023 09:45     Subject: younger brother
OP, I feel sorry for you.