I don’t really think anyone else’s teens are relevant.

YOUR teen got so worried about her frequent binge drinking that she asked for help from her parents. That’s pretty extreme. I remember getting so drunk I puked, but I would have never ever told my parents. She asked for help because she has a problem.

I think you should encourage her to consider whether or not she’s an alcoholic.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I think this would be a hard no for me, and therapy for her. Drinking until blacking out isn't normal, even for high school drinking. I would be realistic about the fact that she probably is going to drink again (including to excess) but I would not facilitate her doing it. And I would have some choice words for those parents.

I think you need to send a clear message to her that while some drinking is normal (including among teens) drinking regularly until you black out is NOT normal.

She can find ways to have fun and have friends that do not involve alcohol.

OP here. She began therepy soon after coming to us. She recognized she was out of control and asked for help. And therapy has helped to facilitate open conversations between us.

Our family is a "hard no" family.

Your daughters behavior is very alarming. I’m so glad she came to you. It is likely it would be very dangerous for to her ever drink again.

I suggest following up this initial pause from drinking with some education and counseling for everyone in your family about the profession of alcoholism and how it impacts the adolescent brain. Instead of focusing on responsible drinking, perhaps instead focus on the high risks associated with consuming any amount of alcohol for a teen who enjoys binge drinking go the point of blacking out, and equip her with the skills to say no and stand up to peer pressure.

I think it is very difficult to be proactive in this situation, but it would be worth it. I suggest starting with any of the local outpatient treatment programs to see what resources are available. It might be that outpatient treatment isn’t what is appropriate for your daughter, but they may be able to make some specific suggestions about programs that are appropriate for your family.

Good luck OP. Stay vigilant.

Your teen's brain is still developing. Binge drinking is extremely harmful to brain development. It affects later cognitive and emotional functioning.

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/alcohol-and-adolescent-brain

More and more research suggests that drinking alcohol in adolescence may have significant effects on brain function. The earlier people start drinking alcohol, the more likely they are to experience a measurable impact on cognitive functions, memory, and school performance over time—perhaps even into adulthood.10,11

Alcohol misuse during adolescence—generally measured by a history of binge drinking or alcohol use disorder diagnosis—has been linked to changes within and between brain regions.12 For example, researchers have found reductions in the size of the frontal lobe (involved in planning and decision-making), hippocampus (involved in learning and memory), amygdala (involved in fear-sensing), and corpus callosum (involved in the communication between the two sides of the brain).10,13 Researchers have also found that heavy drinking changes the normal developmental patterns in the connections between and within brain regions, and weakens connections between brain areas that regulate emotional and cognitive functioning.4,13

Anonymous wrote:I am a father who only has sons. I would let them drink but if they ever got drunk drunk they would be in trouble. I would not let my daughter drink, if I had one. IMO there is no such thing as a safe space for a drunk girl

Often it is those drinking boys that are the danger to the other parents' girls; I would not be so quick to think it's fine for boys to drink.

Anonymous wrote:I am a father who only has sons. I would let them drink but if they ever got drunk drunk they would be in trouble. I would not let my daughter drink, if I had one. IMO there is no such thing as a safe space for a drunk girl

MOSTLY BECAUSE THERE ARE DRUNK BOYS since drinking further inhibits any reasoning skills they have, is usually a group activity where group think increases, and increases impulsivity.

You are a part of the problem sir.

A hard no and no exceptions. If her friends have parents who allow their underage children to drink then she would find new friends!

Also, a hard no to drugs if any kind.

I cannot imagine any parent who loves their child allowing underage drinking.

Your daughter is an alcoholic and needs help/therapy.

Anonymous wrote:I am a father who only has sons. I would let them drink but if they ever got drunk drunk they would be in trouble. I would not let my daughter drink, if I had one. IMO there is no such thing as a safe space for a drunk girl

Particularly when she is in a car with a drunk boy who is driving 100 mph, runs into a tree, kills her. And he escapes with a broken leg! I have a family member whose daughter died in a car crash by her drunk underage boyfriend!

I vote for yes to drinking at parties but make sure she eats a nice fatty meal right before. Butter is great at lining the stomach and lower alcohol absorption; so is animal fat to an extent.
She also needs to not get in any cars except yours to go back home.
Teach her to control her drinking too.
My first experience was at 19, I was at my friend’s house and his mom supplied a great meal with the drinks. I was still not too thoughtful in drinking at later events though…

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is an alcoholic. You need to be honest with yourself and her.

Agree.

OP: Stay with the hard no on drinking.

We are French and in our culture it's quite common to have kids taste various alcohols at home under parental supervision while they are quite young. Binging by teens is much less prevalent than it is here, because there isn't that allure of doing something prohibited.

My teens don't like to drink. They understand that it's not safe or healthy, in the short or long-term. None of them struggle with impulse control.

I think your daughter needs to talk to her doctor and a therapist. She seems to have an addictive personality. Blacking out regularly is shocking, incredibly unsafe and bad for her brain development. Her social group is a terrible influence.

Decide what's important to you, knowing that parties with drinks available are pretty much the norm in high school. I appreciate the "hard no" family's position, but you need to make peace with yourself that you are asking your kid to break rules/sneak around/do unsafe things so they don't get in trouble. We decided safety was most important to us. My 16yo ds is the sporty crowd and there are parties, I don't know if parents know drinks circulating or not. He has gotten the messaging (over and over again) that any mix of drinking/driving is a violation of trust so profound that his freedoms will be curtailed immediately, but that he will not get in trouble for calling us at any time for a ride home. I think a lot of parents say that, but you've gotta mean it. So if he's going out we ask where, we talk about whether he's driving and what alterative plan is if not, if there is a designated driver (in his peer group there often is).

15 is pretty young to start down this path. Where does she go from here? PP has a point about needing to push the boundaries more and she's already starting at black-out drunk, with two more full years of high school left to experiment.

There's no good answer except that maybe your DD doesn't go to parties. I never went to parties when I was in high school. It just wasn't a think my group of friends did, although we were together as a group often. Obviously this isn't an easy solution for your DD since her friend group does party.

One other thing to think about is that it seems unusual that she was often black out drunk. What's she drinking? Where are her friends to tell her she's cut off?