Anonymous
05/05/2023 10:51
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
I added my husband’s name to mine once married. Now nearly 20 years in I socially use his, but legally is different. When we first married I was not ready to change, but now I would, except it would be a huge hassle
Anonymous
05/05/2023 10:42
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
it’s fine either way…however, it always made me think—maybe she is second wife, or values old family more than new family if kids involved. Btw, i don’t think it has to be taking husbands family name.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 10:38
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.
Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.
Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?
Where is this? In my community in DC keeping your name is the default.
I am in the close in suburbs and it seems like on my street it's fifty-fifty. I didn't change my name and sure I get called Mrs. Husband's last name once in a while (which has never bothered me) and very occasionally he or kids are given my last name (worth a chuckle). But who cares? Never a big deal of any sort.
I was born in US but family is from a culture that does not change names. I have always just thought name-changing is a weird tradition.
10:37 here. Sorry should have specified that I am a NP.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 10:37
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.
Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.
Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?
Where is this? In my community in DC keeping your name is the default.
I am in the close in suburbs and it seems like on my street it's fifty-fifty. I didn't change my name and sure I get called Mrs. Husband's last name once in a while (which has never bothered me) and very occasionally he or kids are given my last name (worth a chuckle). But who cares? Never a big deal of any sort.
I was born in US but family is from a culture that does not change names. I have always just thought name-changing is a weird tradition.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 10:20
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
It's a PIA, do you really need/want to do this? Not worth it. It means absolutely nothing.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 06:37
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.
Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.
Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?
No it’s not crazy. Families should have the same last name.
Don’t be ridiculous. If your family bond is so tenuous you need a common name to keep it together, something else is wrong.
+1 in many cultures, it’s not tradition to change names. Plus, I am Asian and DH is not; I prefer to keep my Asian last name in a professional setting, where I’ve also already been published. It would be more of a hassle to me that other people think I’m not the same author as the pieces I’ve written. I would’ve changed if DH cared, but he didn’t at all. My ILs certainly did care, but are mostly good with keeping the right boundaries.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 06:25
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.
Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.
Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?
No it’s not crazy. Families should have the same last name.
Don’t be ridiculous. If your family bond is so tenuous you need a common name to keep it together, something else is wrong.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 06:19
Subject: Re:Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
OP, introduce yourself with DH's name for a year to see whether (a) you're happy with the name and and (b) doing it informally is good enough and you can skip the legal hassle.
Also: when I changed mine I dropped my middle and kept my maiden name as my middle, which makes some of the transition easier for, say, resume and ID purposes. If I'm Larla Smith Brown and they have me in their records as Larla Smith there are rarely issues.
Also: when I changed mine I dropped my middle and kept my maiden name as my middle, which makes some of the transition easier for, say, resume and ID purposes. If I'm Larla Smith Brown and they have me in their records as Larla Smith there are rarely issues.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 06:06
Subject: Re:Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
I kept my name, I like it. I don’t care if people in elementary school accidentally send an invite to my kids with my last name. That doesn’t seem like a big deal. I also don’t care if people call me by the family name. I’m happy to answer to both. If it’s a legal document I just correct it.
This is fine to do either way so don’t stress about it.
This is fine to do either way so don’t stress about it.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 05:54
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.
Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.
Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?
Where is this? In my community in DC keeping your name is the default.
Almost all UMC changes name. Even wannabe UMCs like big law associates when married they change name. Not changing is middle class. Lower and upper change.
Big law associates are “wannabe” UMC?
Anonymous
05/05/2023 05:52
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.
Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.
Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?
Where is this? In my community in DC keeping your name is the default.
Almost all UMC changes name. Even wannabe UMCs like big law associates when married they change name. Not changing is middle class. Lower and upper change.
Not my experience. Are you in the suburbs perhaps? Not like, really an "urban mom?" (I think this is 90% of readership, so not calling you out specifically) but yes, in my UMC to wealthy area of DC proper most women (these days) keep their names.
Why would someone want to be an outlier within their own family?
Anonymous
05/05/2023 05:48
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.
Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.
Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?
No it’s not crazy. Families should have the same last name.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 02:22
Subject: Re:Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
Never changed my name and it has never been a problem for us. If it bothers you, change it, but I love my name and would never change it.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 01:53
Subject: Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
Do whatever is easiest for you, OP. Names aren’t so important.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 00:56
Subject: Re:Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids
It doesn’t really matter. I didn’t change my name because it was annoying professionally (lawyer) and because my married name sounds kind of goofy. But socially I do use my husbands and it’s never caused any confusion.