I worry as my 13 year old already struggles with anxiety, depression and school refusal. I do worry about their future and being able to cope with all the challenges that come with adulthood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this area really intensifies the sense of rat race. I’m from a state with a high quality state flagship that’s easy to get into with any reasonable amount of effort. And at from there, with a little elbow grease, there are lots of great professional opportunities. I think the relative difficulty of getting into UMD/UVA makes people around here feel like there’s no good backup plans.

Because most people cannot afford private college tuition if their kid doesn't get into a state schools, PP. It's not just la-di-dah worries, but very real financial concerns at this point. Your kid has to be a top student to get into UVA or UMD. After that, it's lower-tier publics. After that, community college. A small minority (but very present on DCUM) can afford more expensive solutions.

I don’t know why you have taken the tone of correcting me while just re-stating what I just said.

I think most of us should move before our kids’ instate options are locked in.

Many people are here in DC jobs that don't transfer elsewhere. And you're... very sensitive.

Not sensitive just making note of your reading comp fail.

Of course all of us work here for reasons. But finding a different way to stay employed would probably be wise for most of us facing this issue.

Sheesh, is it really that bad if my kid doesn’t get into UVA? Or VA tech?

Won’t some of the “lesser” schools start getting better due to the increased spillover of smart kids that can’t get into UVA?

I worry about illness. They are healthy and NT, but I worry every day about illness. I pray they don't inherit the problems I had. Even though I turned out okay ( had a miserable childhood due to illness), I really want them to be healthier than I was. So far, so good. But I worry that things might change ( they are younger than I was when my worst symptoms showed up).

I do think it will work out, but by “work out” I am pretty open to what that will look like. But my kids are attractive, smart, and make friends pretty easily. My oldest is really sporty and my younger one is a great artist. I think they’ll find their paths somehow and we are here as a safety net to support them.

I wasn’t as sure when they were smaller but now at 12 and 15 I’m feeling pretty good barring something unlikely/unusual happening. That said, mental health issues can spring up unannounced.

I think two of mine will be fine. Capable of earning a living wage, living independently, and doing those things that make people fine. My third has serious mental health issues. I used to not think he’d made it to adulthood. But he has. I don’t see him being independent though. So he could end up in a tent somewhere. I’m long past hoping for miracles.

Yes, because DH and I are giving them the love and stability that are important and also because there are so many ways for “things to work out okay.” I want my kids to be productive, independent citizens and generally feel good about their lives. There are almost infinite variations of that.

Also, worrying isn’t going to do a single thing but undermine the time I have with them, so what’s the point?

Anonymous wrote:Yes I do but generally I am an optimistic person (and am lucky to have NT kids).

Like when Trump was elected, everyone thought this country would go to h*ll in a handbasket. Yes, he screwed a lot of things up, but we are surviving and me personally, I am doing fine.

You’re doing fine with senile Biden too? 😂

Yes I do but generally I am an optimistic person (and am lucky to have NT kids).

Like when Trump was elected, everyone thought this country would go to h*ll in a handbasket. Yes, he screwed a lot of things up, but we are surviving and me personally, I am doing fine.

Every life has ups and downs, everyone is dealt some random bad hands. My kids will always have had stable loving parents who support them.

I think the big message behind 'it'll all work out' isn't necessarily that every kid is going to grow up to have a perfect life just like their parent envisioned for them. But most people make it through their life with good times and bad. And if you love your kids then it won't necessarily matter where they end up, you will always see value and purpose and goodness in their life.

Humans are really good at adjusting to accept a reality and framing it as fine. So you might see your three year old and hope they go on to make six figures as a doctor. But at some Thanksgiving 30 years from now when they show up making 70k a year as a teacher and recently divorced you won't see them as a FAILURE. You will see the human they are and...it will all work out. Everything is just a season in life and no state of failure or success is permanent.

Try not to look too far into the future. Focus on the next few years, doing their best in school, making friends etc. Some phases you will breeze through, while others will be more challenging. Believe me, you are going to worry forever. My kids are young adults and I still worry.

My kids will be fine. Because the US is an unequal, unfair place and they were born UMC and white. People like us fail up.

(I work hard to extend that to other groups, but given current reality, my kids will be fine. Even the ADHD ones, if they can avoid the substance abuse my family has historically engaged in.)

Yes, I think life will work out fine. My kids were born on third base and seem to be independent and motivated. There's lots of things that could happen, and I think we're bad at predicting how we'll react and overcome suboptimal situations, but I think from what I've seen that they'll figure it out eventually.

Op I’m reading the book “the self driven child” that someone recommended on this board actually and there was just a whole section on this that I found really helpful. Basically on how the best thing you can do for your kid is NOT worry. So I’ve been working on this too! And highly recommend the book.