Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 22:29     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
*stalkerish
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 22:21     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how there are two schools of thought here:

A. Everyone has crushes, enjoy it, it won't lead to anything.

B. It means there's something wrong with your marriage, change jobs (!), address it seriously, otherwise you go to your doom.

I'm a woman who is firmly in camp A. I suspect most people are. I can't believe someone would change jobs just for this, and I don't think any man would ever think to change anything about their lives when they have a crush on a woman. The camp B people must be women of a certain guilt-ridden nature. Very damaging to think of yourself in that way.


The camp B people are talking about limerence not a basic crush. If you have experienced both you know the difference. Limerence is a pathological response to something and men get it too and turn into some scary stalker use behavior.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 21:51     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
It's interesting how there are two schools of thought here:

A. Everyone has crushes, enjoy it, it won't lead to anything.

B. It means there's something wrong with your marriage, change jobs (!), address it seriously, otherwise you go to your doom.

I'm a woman who is firmly in camp A. I suspect most people are. I can't believe someone would change jobs just for this, and I don't think any man would ever think to change anything about their lives when they have a crush on a woman. The camp B people must be women of a certain guilt-ridden nature. Very damaging to think of yourself in that way.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 20:28     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you are a married adult woman who is having a real agonising type of crush, something is wrong with your marriage. Like a silly schoolgirl thing is no big deal but if it feels “real” then something else is up.

My basis for saying this is because when I had those kinds of feelings for another man… something was terribly wrong with my marriage. My husband was horribly abusive and I had been in denial about it for years and years. In the end I had a pretty weird and serious emotional affair with a different person from my original crush and everything about that was terrible and not recommended.


I feel as though this has some merit. I started getting crushes as dh and I were evolving apart. And eventually this blew up into a real live giant affair.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 19:42     Subject: Re:How do you get over a crush?
Get to know them, the crush will be crushed because everybody poops.

Don’t be alone with each other.

Google limerance.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 19:39     Subject: Re:How do you get over a crush?
Anonymous wrote:I am currently in the same situation as you OP. I have been applying for other jobs because it’s gotten to the point it’s distracting. That’s what I would recommend, if that’s an option for you.


I really like my job, so I don’t want to leave.

It is distracting and really difficult to concentrate on work when we are together.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 12:46     Subject: Re:How do you get over a crush?
I am currently in the same situation as you OP. I have been applying for other jobs because it’s gotten to the point it’s distracting. That’s what I would recommend, if that’s an option for you.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 11:55     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
Crushes are harmless. Just enjoy it OP. It will pass. Don't beat yourself up about it
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2023 22:08     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you are a married adult woman who is having a real agonising type of crush, something is wrong with your marriage. Like a silly schoolgirl thing is no big deal but if it feels “real” then something else is up.

My basis for saying this is because when I had those kinds of feelings for another man… something was terribly wrong with my marriage. My husband was horribly abusive and I had been in denial about it for years and years. In the end I had a pretty weird and serious emotional affair with a different person from my original crush and everything about that was terrible and not recommended.


Sorry you suffered abuse.

Lots of people would disagree with the bolded. Even wonderful marriages with no abuse feature challenges and boredom.


Exactly, there is some boredom or challenge going on in the marriage and OP should address that instead of a “don’t think of the colour red” type of mental exercise when it comes to the crush.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2023 21:58     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
Anonymous wrote:I feel like if you are a married adult woman who is having a real agonising type of crush, something is wrong with your marriage. Like a silly schoolgirl thing is no big deal but if it feels “real” then something else is up.

My basis for saying this is because when I had those kinds of feelings for another man… something was terribly wrong with my marriage. My husband was horribly abusive and I had been in denial about it for years and years. In the end I had a pretty weird and serious emotional affair with a different person from my original crush and everything about that was terrible and not recommended.


Sorry you suffered abuse.

Lots of people would disagree with the bolded. Even wonderful marriages with no abuse feature challenges and boredom.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2023 21:56     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
Anonymous wrote:I am married and have a crush on my married coworker. We only interact at work and only discuss work related topics, we don’t communicate outside of work.

I can’t stop thinking about my coworker. I am trying to lessen our work interactions and we don’t see each other often, but it is not helping. I would never acknowledge this crush to anyone and I just want it to end.



What's wrong with acknowledging it to your sister? Close friend?

Might help.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2023 21:56     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
I feel like if you are a married adult woman who is having a real agonising type of crush, something is wrong with your marriage. Like a silly schoolgirl thing is no big deal but if it feels “real” then something else is up.

My basis for saying this is because when I had those kinds of feelings for another man… something was terribly wrong with my marriage. My husband was horribly abusive and I had been in denial about it for years and years. In the end I had a pretty weird and serious emotional affair with a different person from my original crush and everything about that was terrible and not recommended.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2023 21:49     Subject: Re:How do you get over a crush?
Oh burn. Love how DCUM finds a way to insult the OP and not actually help them at the same time.


Help the OP how?

Most people grow out of this type of drama about the same type they learn to drive.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2023 15:25     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you really want to get over it, you have to shift your attention every time you start thinking about him in a crush-y kind of way. Kind of like meditation where you keep returning your focus when you see you have been distracted.

That said, it’s hard because I suspect your mind kind of enjoys the thoughts.


I don’t enjoy the thoughts. It feels terrible to be so drawn to someone and not being able to do anything about it.


Really? My dear, you're doing life wrong. Enjoy the little moments, knowing they won't lead to anything.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2023 15:22     Subject: How do you get over a crush?
Anonymous wrote:If you really want to get over it, you have to shift your attention every time you start thinking about him in a crush-y kind of way. Kind of like meditation where you keep returning your focus when you see you have been distracted.

That said, it’s hard because I suspect your mind kind of enjoys the thoughts.


I don’t enjoy the thoughts. It feels terrible to be so drawn to someone and not being able to do anything about it.