Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It should be relevant to their thinking that you can't just get into a CCRC when you need the assisted living or memory care unit for one or both spouses. It's not impossible, but the spots are often prioritized for existing residents who came into independent living. And with two people, it's harder -- say one spouse needs assisted living but one is still independent -- it's a lot harder if the independent spouse is living offsite and wants to visit all the time.
I get that it's hard to have these conversations, OP, but I think your parents should actually visit more of the CCRCs before making the decision.
PP, agree here. - these are good points. We are going through this with DH's parents. MiL, who is quite able, understandably doesn't want to move into a CCRC if it is a 1BR as her husband has a 9-5 caregiver 5 days/week and she says would feel cramped. Her friends made decisions to remain in their home while their spouse moved into memory care units. I don't think MiL is there yet - and may never be - but do worry that they may be cutting off options while in this phase.
Where my mom is the independant units can be quite large...2 bedrooms + a den. Also some people make arrangements to combine two units (very costly but if you can do it)
Alas, they do not have the money for a combine. Their retirement plan appears to have been predicated on how it work for FiL's parents where one grandparent needed memory care, but they were able to live together as the other grandparent didn't move around much due to congestive heart, but was mentally fit. They were in a 1 BR with day help and an alarm on the BR door. Now that ILs are nearing this stage, MiL doesn't want to share quarters with an aide. I don't blame her, but they just didn't save/spend accordingly over the last 25 years.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It should be relevant to their thinking that you can't just get into a CCRC when you need the assisted living or memory care unit for one or both spouses. It's not impossible, but the spots are often prioritized for existing residents who came into independent living. And with two people, it's harder -- say one spouse needs assisted living but one is still independent -- it's a lot harder if the independent spouse is living offsite and wants to visit all the time.
I get that it's hard to have these conversations, OP, but I think your parents should actually visit more of the CCRCs before making the decision.
PP, agree here. - these are good points. We are going through this with DH's parents. MiL, who is quite able, understandably doesn't want to move into a CCRC if it is a 1BR as her husband has a 9-5 caregiver 5 days/week and she says would feel cramped. Her friends made decisions to remain in their home while their spouse moved into memory care units. I don't think MiL is there yet - and may never be - but do worry that they may be cutting off options while in this phase.
Anonymous wrote:It should be relevant to their thinking that you can't just get into a CCRC when you need the assisted living or memory care unit for one or both spouses. It's not impossible, but the spots are often prioritized for existing residents who came into independent living. And with two people, it's harder -- say one spouse needs assisted living but one is still independent -- it's a lot harder if the independent spouse is living offsite and wants to visit all the time.
I get that it's hard to have these conversations, OP, but I think your parents should actually visit more of the CCRCs before making the decision.
. Look at Rockville noerth Bethesda apartmentsAnonymous wrote:
I got a report today from an elder parent:
Leisure World is beautiful land, but it's too "suburban/exurban". And the homes are too old and worn out. (They are a good fit for DCUM Money and Finance forum!)
Dad said the apartment building with elevator in Gaithersburg looked good, but Mom wouldn't be comfortable walking the long hallway to the elevator. Mom said of course she can walk it. (Doubt. She has foot problems from cancer and has major fall risk.)
CCRC is a no-go because they aren't that old/sick (ignoring that it's easier to start CCRC before it's strictly necessary).
They want to live somewhere with community so they aren't a nag to us. But they have a 20th century ethnic-group-based view of what counts as community.
They want somewhere with long-term residents, not extendes-stay hotel, but they also don't want to be here year-round yet.
Lots of contradictions.
I think an elevator apartment (or maybe a 1ar floor garden) at one of the "town centers" is the best best, and CCRC later.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
I got a report today from an elder parent:
Leisure World is beautiful land, but it's too "suburban/exurban". And the homes are too old and worn out. (They are a good fit for DCUM Money and Finance forum!)
Dad said the apartment building with elevator in Gaithersburg looked good, but Mom wouldn't be comfortable walking the long hallway to the elevator. Mom said of course she can walk it. (Doubt. She has foot problems from cancer and has major fall risk.)
CCRC is a no-go because they aren't that old/sick (ignoring that it's easier to start CCRC before it's strictly necessary).
They want to live somewhere with community so they aren't a nag to us. But they have a 20th century ethnic-group-based view of what counts as community.
They want somewhere with long-term residents, not extendes-stay hotel, but they also don't want to be here year-round yet.
Lots of contradictions.
I think an elevator apartment (or maybe a 1ar floor garden) at one of the "town centers" is the best best, and CCRC later.
No, don’t do two moves. Trust me. If they don’t want “suburban/exurban” but were also okay with Gaithersburg, they are officially just scared of the transition. So don’t plan on two moves!
Anonymous wrote:
I got a report today from an elder parent:
Leisure World is beautiful land, but it's too "suburban/exurban". And the homes are too old and worn out. (They are a good fit for DCUM Money and Finance forum!)
Dad said the apartment building with elevator in Gaithersburg looked good, but Mom wouldn't be comfortable walking the long hallway to the elevator. Mom said of course she can walk it. (Doubt. She has foot problems from cancer and has major fall risk.)
CCRC is a no-go because they aren't that old/sick (ignoring that it's easier to start CCRC before it's strictly necessary).
They want to live somewhere with community so they aren't a nag to us. But they have a 20th century ethnic-group-based view of what counts as community.
They want somewhere with long-term residents, not extendes-stay hotel, but they also don't want to be here year-round yet.
Lots of contradictions.
I think an elevator apartment (or maybe a 1ar floor garden) at one of the "town centers" is the best best, and CCRC later.
Anonymous wrote:
I got a report today from an elder parent:
Leisure World is beautiful land, but it's too "suburban/exurban". And the homes are too old and worn out. (They are a good fit for DCUM Money and Finance forum!)
Dad said the apartment building with elevator in Gaithersburg looked good, but Mom wouldn't be comfortable walking the long hallway to the elevator. Mom said of course she can walk it. (Doubt. She has foot problems from cancer and has major fall risk.)
CCRC is a no-go because they aren't that old/sick (ignoring that it's easier to start CCRC before it's strictly necessary).
They want to live somewhere with community so they aren't a nag to us. But they have a 20th century ethnic-group-based view of what counts as community.
They want somewhere with long-term residents, not extendes-stay hotel, but they also don't want to be here year-round yet.
Lots of contradictions.
I think an elevator apartment (or maybe a 1ar floor garden) at one of the "town centers" is the best best, and CCRC later.