Pp here . Apologies I obviously didn’t read op post carefully. Assisted living or respite care.

Hire part time in home care. Can she afford it? I pay someone 20/hr , 3-4 hours a stretch 3 days a week, to help my mom even though she’s in assisted living. She doesn’t need it but likes it. You should be able to live your life too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe read "Being Mortal". The author discusses the cost of staying safe and whether it is worth it. It seems your mother is in decline. Maybe your efforts will give her extra months or years, but will that be high quality time? She seems to be losing cognitive function, and you are losing your freedom.

So what is the solution you are proposing, PP?

Here's a summary
https://www.litcharts.com/lit/being-mortal/themes/safety-vs-autonomy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe read "Being Mortal". The author discusses the cost of staying safe and whether it is worth it. It seems your mother is in decline. Maybe your efforts will give her extra months or years, but will that be high quality time? She seems to be losing cognitive function, and you are losing your freedom.

So what is the solution you are proposing, PP?

Accept that a carer can't be perfect. If the OP needs to go out, she needs to go out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if your mom is left alone for 2-3 hours?

She gets anxious and antsy and does things like starts to forget using her cane. She has calm safer behavior for about and hour and then she gets worried a ihr everything and it is like a chain reaction, she forgets to use her cane, she becomes a bigger fall risk

She also calls all the time and no matter how much we remind her to use it unless we are there in person for us to see and process it doesn’t work

Maybe she needs anti anxiety meds. Or to deal with it. She can go to the bathroom and get herself some water, therefore not much risk for her.
If she is a danger to others then that’s a different story but it seems like she isn’t (yet)
If she falls she falls. She becomes bedridden but she will be able to stay alone for a few hours
Sorry to break the truth to you

Anonymous wrote:

Also, hire an adult sitter for date night, longer bike rides etc.

Find the money somewhere so that you can get out.

Come up with a plan. This could go on for years or decades.

+1. Care.com has a section for eldercare in addition to babysitting. Nursing assistants moonlight as babysitters sometimes. We have used a nanny service for our child that hired CNAs.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe read "Being Mortal". The author discusses the cost of staying safe and whether it is worth it. It seems your mother is in decline. Maybe your efforts will give her extra months or years, but will that be high quality time? She seems to be losing cognitive function, and you are losing your freedom.

So what is the solution you are proposing, PP?

Maybe read "Being Mortal". The author discusses the cost of staying safe and whether it is worth it. It seems your mother is in decline. Maybe your efforts will give her extra months or years, but will that be high quality time? She seems to be losing cognitive function, and you are losing your freedom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find an assisted living that provides respite care and arrange for your mom to be there two weekends a month.
Small home based ones are less expensive.

Not OP but good to know this is an option. Any you could recommend from experience or reputation?

Where are you located?

I am very much in this same situation. It's interesting you mention the anxiety in our case, we tried having friends over for drinks, meals etc. Since I can't get out as much. What I discovered is having people she doesn't know over causes her significant anxiety. She does better by herself during the day than at night. I can't leave her alone at all at night. I do go out on the weekends for exercise, brunches with friends etc. I limit it to 2 -3 hours. She normally ok. I actually treated her like my dog with separation anxiety - start with a short time and slowly extend it - treats to reinforce the good behavior. But ultimately you are fortune she will work with a companion during the day. My mom can't handle "strangers" and its been a challenge to find someone to help her that she will work with. But fot those that push the assisted living idea - how to you make that work if funds are limited?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if your mom is left alone for 2-3 hours?

She gets anxious and antsy and does things like starts to forget using her cane. She has calm safer behavior for about and hour and then she gets worried a ihr everything and it is like a chain reaction, she forgets to use her cane, she becomes a bigger fall risk

She also calls all the time and no matter how much we remind her to use it unless we are there in person for us to see and process it doesn’t work

Have you tried leaving a note very obvious when you leave, “Hi mom! We went out for a bike ride and will be back in two hours around 5pm. Remember to use your cane! Love etc”

Aside from the other good advice above, delete Instagram.